KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

" I don't know what's wrong with me, doctor." said the young curvy callgirl.
"I just feel so tried all the time -- dragged out. Just plain fatigued; no pep at all. Do you think it's vitamin deficiency, diet, low blood sugar, or what ?"
The doctor gave the young lady a complete physical and then after studying the results said, "Miss, there's really nothing at all wrong with you that I can find. You're just run-down, that's all. You've been working far too hard and for too many hours. I suggest you try staying out of bed for a few days."

It was the usual scene in the City's Night Court, the Police had rounded up the usual collection of street walkers and brought them before the Judge; three stood before him, all arrested on the same corner. He asked the first lady what she had to say for herself. The woman was irate, "I don't know what all this is about your Honor. I'm a college study doing research for a term paper."
The Judge sighed and said, "Well, Miss, I would have thought you'd done enuff 'research' by now. My computer sez you have two prior convictions. Thirty days and $250 fine." He then turned to the second lady and requested her to testify. The woman began crying softly and said, "Judge, I am just a housewife out getting a pack of cigarettes for my husband. I have no idea why I was arrested."
This time, the Judge shook his head and said, "Well, young lady, the officer tells me that he saw you had a stack of bills along with the cigarettes to your 'husband' in his new Cadillac. Thirty days and $250 fine." He turned to the last of the trio and asked her occupation. The woman said simply, "I'm a hooker."
Refreshed at her honesty, the Judge laughed and said, "How's business ?"
She sneered and replied,"Terrible Judge, with all these students and housewives around, I can't turn a single trick."
Having listened to the appeal of the aging streetwalker, the newly elected magistrate was reluctant to sentence her. He ordered a short recess, then went to the chambers of an older and wiser Judge and asked "What would you give a 50 year old streetwalker ?"
The learned jurist thought for a brief moment and then replied, "Oh surely, no more than $20 son.

One of the "Ladies of the Evening" was undergoing her routine physical exam.
"Any specific problems you should tell me about ?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours." she replied, "Do you think I might be a hemophiliac ?"
"l see." the doctor answered, "Hemophilia is a genetic disorder, and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a hemophiliac.
Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period ?"
After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess."

The streetwalker got into a cab and at her destination, hiked up her skirt and asked "How about taking the fare out in trade ?"
"Scheesch Lady !" exclaimed the cabby, "Haven't ya got anthing smaller ?"

We've all seen the old fashioned "kissing booths" at the county fairs, but I had to admire the business smarts of one lil' blonde at a recent fair in rural West Virginia.
Beneath the standard "Kisses: Five Dollars" sign was a pair of woman's panties with "Ask About Our Other Bargains" printed neatly on them.

Ever since the feminist movement started back in the 60's, those women who have been "liberated" take a dim view of any woman who still cater to us males. Well, I just found out what they call them too -- "Uncle Mom".

Seems to me the truly well-dressed woman of the 90's should bare in mind that skin never clashes with anything she's wearing.

These days so many truly beautiful women are spoiling their natural attractiveness by using all those damn four letter words: like -- "don't", "stop", "quit" "can't" and "won't".

I overheard one young lady in the office telling another... "Sure he's old enuff to be my Father. BUT, he's also rich enuff to be my husband."

This damn "Sesame Street" generation. I asked my secretary the other day to take a letter. She picked "N".

Did ya ever notice that the modern woman can "suffer in silence" louder than any other known animal in the whole damn world ?

I get so tired of all this harassment crap. I mean just think about it. If we guys dressed like the women of today do, they'd stare too !!!

Today's woman puts on wigs, fake eyelashes, false fingernails, sixteen pounds of assorted make-up/shadows/blushes/creams. Then, she dons padded bras, shoulder pads or even a "butt enhancer"; padding that would make a linebacker envious. And finally has implants & various other assorted surgeries, suctions and tucks. Then, she has the nerve to complain that she cannot find a "real" man.

Personally, I think the reason the girls and women of today will do things their Mothers wouldn't ever think of doing is that their Mothers didn't think of doing them.

Oh for the good ole days when a man's greatest fear was that a woman would take it "to heart". These days ya gotta worry like hell that she'll take it to court!

A couple are visiting a doctor. The doctor tells the husband that his wife is pregnant, but, he also tells him that they have invented a new machine that could relieve the mother of the pain during labor, and inflict the same on the father. The doc tells him that it would be a nice experience and that he would be sharing the pain too. The husband is very much thrilled to hear this and he says that he would like to share the pain with his wife.
On the appointed day the doc asks the husband to lie down on the bed near to his wife's. The device is connected and activated. The intensity of pain is set to 10%. And the doc asks the man if he was feeling any pain. The man replies "I'm fine, you may increase the level".
To this the doc raises the intensity to 20%. The same reply comes from the man. This goes on till the intensity is set to 50%. The wife tells the doctor she's feeling fine and the husband replies the same. The doc says "Now that you have gone thru 50% of the process I think you can take some more of it." The doc starts increasing the level and keeps on getting a feedback from the man. He always replies that he is fine. The machine is set to 90% and the man still replies no problem.
The machine is finally set to 100%, at which point the child bearing process is just about over.
The doc asks the husband if he's OK, and he replies "I'm as fit as a fiddle".
The doctor offers his congratulations to the couple and tells 'em that they do not need any post delivery care and that they can go home.
The couple is delighted and drive home. On reaching home, they are shocked to see the Mailman lying dead on the front steps.

During frontier days, a farmer sat in the kitchen while a midwife attended to his wife upstairs. Suddenly, the midwife shouted "Bring the lamp, the baby's a-coming."
He ran upstairs and held the lamp while his wife gave birth to a baby girl. Then he headed back down to the kitchen to celebrate with a drink. As he was halfway down the stairs, the midwife shouted "Hey come back with the lamp. Here comes another. It's twins."
Again he held the lamp while his second child, another beautiful baby girl was born. Then he went back down to the kitchen. In the midst of pouring his second whiskey, he heard the midwife shout, "Jake bring the lamp back quick. Here comes yet another."
"I'm a-staying put." the farmer yelled back. "I think it's the dang light that's a-drawing them."

I keep reading about how the world is once again facing a population explosion. They say in some countries that there will be standing room only in just a few years. Hell, the way I see it, the birth rate should start decreasing fairly rapidly after that.

An older couple gets the urge to have a child. Knowing that at their age, conception could be difficult, they each sought out medical opinions of their health. The women's doctor told her, "You're in very good shape for your age, and should have no problem conceiving and carrying a child."
Thrilled by the news, they went to the man's physician who, after a preliminary exam hands the man a specimen bottle and says, "Take this home, and bring it back tomorrow with a specimen so we can do a sperm count to be sure."
The next day, the couple sadly returns to the doctor's office and the man hands the empty bottle back to the doctor.
"What's wrong ?" asked the doctor.
"Well Doc," said the old man, "We tried everything. First I used my left hand, then my right hand. Then my wife tried with her left hand, and then her right. She even tried with her teeth in and her teeth out.
"And... ???" asked the doctor.
"Well, we still couldn't get the lid off of that damn bottle !"