KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

Well, then there was the blonde who just got sick and tired of all the "Dumb Blonde" jokes; went home one evening and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some dumb guy starting telling a Dumb Blonde joke.

She interrupted with the shrill announcement: "I've had it up to HERE with these dumb Dumb Blonde jokes. I want you to know that THIS blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do: I memorized all the state capitals!"

One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you; what's the capital of Wyoming?"

"W," she answered.

The Rules
1. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
2. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.
3. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant , not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

One day, Farmer Joe goes out to his barn and sees his one rooster screwing one of the hens.

The next day all of his hens are dead. He goes to the rooster and says "One of these days sex is gonna kill ya.

"A week goes by and he goes outside and all his sheep are dead.
Again he goes to the rooster and says "One of these days sex is gonna kill ya.
"So after another week he goes out and all the animals he owned are dead, laying in the yard.
He walks over to the rooster and says "See I told ya one of these days sex is gonna kill ya.

"The rooster looks at him, points to the sky and says,

"SHHHH! There getting ready to lite!!! "

One day the master of a large plantation was in the woods hunting for deer. As he was waiting for his shot, a rattlesnake bit him on the penis.
Turning to his fastest slave, he commanded him to run and get the doctor in town. The slave took off in a mad dash to save his master's life. He ran through the fields, over fences, through the woods, jumped streams, and finally arrived at the doctor's office. Rushing in, he quickly told the doctor that his master had been bitten by a rattlesnake and begged him to come quickly.
The doctor was in the middle of saving another patient's life and was unable to come.
Fearing that his master would die without medical attention, the slave asked if there was anything that could be done.

"Yes," replied the doctor.

"First, remove the clothing around the bitten area. Then, take a very sharp knife and cut an 'X' over the bite marks. Next, you suck the poison out of the wound and spit it out. This should save your master's life."

The slave then headed back to the location that his master had been bitten. Once again he jumped over streams and fences, ran through the woods and fields and soon arrived back at his master's side.

"What did the doctor say?!"

The slave replied, "Doctor says you gonna die!"

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00.

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."
The old rooster says "You can't handle all these chickens....look at what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.
Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."
The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop."
The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."

They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits.

He sadly shakes his head and says:

"Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!"

One day 3 brothers are walking around the part when they came across something in the middle of their path "it looks like SHlT!" said the first brother.

"I better check it out" he lean forward and took a deep breath "Smells like SHlT!" he said.

The second brother walk closer and stick his finger inside it and feel "Feels like SHlT" he said .

The third brother poke it and put it inside his mouth and said "Taste like SHlT" the three brother finally relaxed and said :

"GOOD thing we didn't step on it ........PHEW!"

A man with a 50 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell me that my penis is too long.

"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there any way you can shorten it?" The doctor replied, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." The man calls upon the witch and relays his story.

"Witch, my penis is 50 inches long and I can't get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?"
The witch asked him to "Pull it out and let me look at it." The man uncoils his 50 inch penis. The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma.

First you must ask the frog, will you marry me?

Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be ten inches shorter."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He came upon the pond and sure enough, there sat this frog on a log. He called out to the frog, "will you marry me?" The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO".

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 10 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "This is great!!

But it's still too long at 40 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again." "Frog, will you marry me?," the guy shouted.
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 10 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again, 30 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Thirty inches is still a monster,just a little less would be ideal. So, I'll ask the frog to marry me one more time.

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?" The frog looked back across pond shaking its head,

"NO........NO..........and for the last time..........NO."

A surgeon was retiring from his long and rewarding career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughout his career, he had saved the foreskins of his patients in specimen jars as momentos, and now wished to fashion them into a souvenir.

So he brought his hundreds of specimens to a leathersmith, and asked him to craft an article of fine artistic quality. "I'll see what I can do," said the artisan, "Check back with me in one week."

The surgeon returned one week later, eager to see what magnificent article the leathersmith had made for him. But the leathersmith presented to him only a wallet. "All those foreskins and you make for me only a wallet?" exclaimed the surgeon.

The leathersmith replied

"Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase " .

These days, a decision is what managers make when enough people don't "volunteer" for a Total Quality Management Break-Thru Team.

I've worked for bosses both tuff & easy-going; sane & eccentric (bosses are never "crazy"), but by far the oddest was one who liked to hang mottos on the wall. One infamous sign posted read:
"I realize 'all work and no play' will make one a dull person;
however here, all play and no work will make one a street person."

The elder statesman-type employer had to fire a young man who at first promised to be a real go-getter, and an asset to the company.
"In a way, I hate to see you go," the boss said, "You've been almost like a son to me -- insolent, surly, unappreciative..."

Had this boss one time who was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."
I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".

I'm not saying my ex-boss was a tyrant exactly. I do recall though one Staff Meeting though where the reception to one of his ideas was less than enthusiastic. He slowly looked at each person seated around the table, then said, "Of course, it was only a suggestion, but let's not forget who made it."

We've all heard tales about how this branch of the military or that one is the tuffest. Well, let me tell y'all about one of the strictest unit commanders ever to serve in the US Navy. It was the policy of our Commanding Officer that he, and he alone would approve any and all leave. I approached him one day and asked for time off to get married in a few months.
He looked me straight in the eye, and said, "Denied. Son... if we'd have wanted you to have a wife, we'd have issued ya one !"

When I take a long time -- I am slow
When my boss takes a long time -- He is thorough

When I didn't get it done -- I am lazy
When my boss doesn't get it done -- He's too busy

When I do something w/o being told -- I am trying to be a smart ass
When my boss does the same -- That is initiative

When I please my boss -- I'm ass-kissing
When my boss pleases his boss -- He's a team player

When I do good -- My boss never remembers
When I do wrong -- He never forgets