KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea. The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson. And, lo, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand before her.

The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine. But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"

The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?"
"No, lady, not yet. I'll let you know," he replied, time after time.
The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view. Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the breaks, pulled over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady." "Is this Oriskany Falls?"
"YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!"
"Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when we got this far, I should take my blood pressure pill."

"What's wrong, sonny?" asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out. "I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!" So the old man sat down and wept too.

A man visited the Grand Canyon for the first time and went on enthusiastically and endlessly about its great beauty. Near him was an older man who didn't seem to be at all excited about the vista. The younger man said, after his fiftieth superlative, "Sir, I can't help but notice that this magnificent view doesn't stir you."

The old man said, "I'm stirring and I'm enthusing. I just ain't TALKING!"

A middle-aged man meets a middle-aged woman at a party and they discuss their kids. "I've a son who's nineteen," said the woman. "How could you have a son that age?" asked the incredulous man. "I didn't. He was a baby when I had him."

This story is about an elderly couple, sitting together watching television. During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"

After a long thoughtful silence, and during the next commercial, the wife replied, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year."

I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come to my life since then. Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous ole gal. I am seeing five gentlemen daily. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here, he takes a lot of time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.

There was this old lady and old man. The poor man couldn't hear very well, so he depended on his wife to interpret for him. One day, while they were at the doctor's office, the nurse asked the man to take off his shirt. He asked his wife, "Huh, what did she say?..." His wife repeated, "They want your shirt!". Then the nurse said, "You need to remove your pants." The old guy asked his wife again, "Huh, what did she say?..." His wife repeated, "They want your pants!" Then the nurse said, "Excuse me sir, but we need a stool sample and a urine sample". Again he asked his wife, "Huh, what did she say?..." His wife said, "They want your underwear!.."

An old man went to the doctor for a physical exam. When the doc was thru the old man said "What about my sperm count"? "Sperm count said the doc!" You're 65 years old. The old man said I paid for a complete physical and I want it. So the doctor gave him a little bottle and told him to go home and do his thing in the bottle and return it. 2 weeks later the old man came back in holding an empty bottle! What happened said the doctor? old man said " I tried it with my left hand, I tried it with my right hand and I even got my wife to take out her teeth. And I still can't get the top off this damn bottle.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, it's terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless and silent so you can't tell." The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week.

The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week. She says, "Doc, there's been a change but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it's still silent, now it smells terrible!"

The doctor says, "Well, I'm glad we cleared up your sinus blockage, now we'll have to work on your hearing."