KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

Confucious said," Man with itchy bum wakes up with smelly finger."
Also," How can there be rape when man with pants down, run slower than woman with skirts up."

A couple was on their honeymoon, laying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" says the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry. I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that. "
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"What are you doing?" She says.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole !"

Q. What does a blonde say after sex?
A. So are all you guys on the same team?

Q. How do you put a sparkle in a blondes eyes?
A. Shine a light in her ear.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep her ankles warm.

Q. How does a blonde turn on a light after sex?
A. Open the car door.

There was a blonde that was so dumb she put newspaper under the cookoo clock?

There was a blonde that was so dumb she thought Newsbriefs was a new style of panties.

There was a blonde that was so dumb she kept watching replay of a football game hoping her favorit team would finally beat the other team.

There was a blonde that was so dumb that she thought oral sex just meant talking about it.

A guy is out golfing and is about to chip in when he hears:
"ribbit 9 iron ribbit"
He turns to see a frog and says:
"Just to prove how dumb of frog you are I will use a 9 iron"
So he chips in.
Amazed he picked up the frog and took him to the next hole and said:
"Mr frog any suggestions?" at which the frog said:
"ribbit 3 wood ribbit"
Using a three wood he got a hole in one.
Guy then said" Mr frog, where can I take you?"
The frog replied: "Ribbit Las Vegas Ribbit"
Smiling the guy said fine.
At the vegas airport the guy said "Mr frog now what?"
The frog said: "Ribbit Roulette Wheel Ribbit"
Guy said: "Great idea"
Once at the wheel the guy asked: "Mr frog what is your pleasure?"
The frog replied: " Ribbit $1000 black six ribbit"
Guy pausing for a second as he again looked at a frog calling the shots, and placed the bet.
Up came black six.
So the guy collected thousands of dollars and set the frog up in the nicest suite in Vegas.
Then the guy asked: "Mr frog is there anything else I can do for you?"
The frog replied: "Ribbit give me a kiss Ribbit"
The guy looked around, and looked at his cash and said why not and kissed the frog.
All of a sudden the frog became a beautiful 16 year old blonde girl
"And your honor, that is exactly how it happened."

Top 10 Reasons Why e-mail is Like a Male Reproductive Organ:

10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).

6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

4. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

3. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

1. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

Three blonds were walking along a road and came to a set of tracks.
The first one said they were kangaroo tracks and kept going.
The second said they were wombat tracks and kept going.
The third was run over by a train.

Two blondes where walking down a set of railroad tracks.
The first one said "You know, these long stairs really get to me".
The second one replied "It isn't the long stairs that bother me, it's these low banisters."

Ron sez: Could be blonde, red head or brunette. Have fun on this one.
Give me some feedback, trade jokes, and stuff like that.

A man and his golf-ignorant girlfriend are driving along in their car after the couple has come from the golf club. Because of his movements, the tees in his pocket fall out.

His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?"

"Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving."

"Oh well. Ask a silly question, get a silly answer." --

Adam was laying around the garden of Eden when God said to him, "Adam, I am going to a woman for you"
Adam looked up and replied, "Gee, that's nice, but what's a woman?"
God answered, "A woman is a creature that will cook for you, and clean for you, and give you sex anytime you want it."
Adam said, "That sounds GREAT, but what is this gonna cost me?"
God said , "An arm and a leg."
Adam replied, "What can I get for a rib?"

A man wanted a hundred dollar bill tatooed to his penis. So he goes to a Tattoo Shop and makes the request. The Tatoo designer tells him that it would cost him $1000.00 to do the special bizarre request. The guy thinks for a while and decides that its a fair price. The designer starts the tatoo-ing and in the middle of the job asks the man, "Why are you doing this?"

The man replies, "That's personal."

With that, the designer continues to do the tatoo. The designer intrigued by such a bizarre request he tells the customer, "I'll waive the $1000.00 if you tell me why you are doing this."

The man thinks again and replies, "Okay, that's reasonable."

The man continues, "There are three reasons, first I like to play with money, second I like to watch money grow, and third and the most important, if my wife wants to blow a hundred, well, she can do right at home"