KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

A man & his wife have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day a new man washes up on shore. He & the wife are very attracted to each other right away, but realize certain protocols must be observrd. The husband, however is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people donig 8 hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people donig 12 hour shifts". The second man is only too happy to help & in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower is is standing watch. Soon the husband & wife start placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells donw, "Hey, no f*cking". They yell back, "We're not f*cking". A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no f*cking". Again they yell back, "We're not f*cking". Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of thier shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no f*cking". They yell back, "We're not f*cking!!". Finally the shift is over so the second man climbs down from the tower & the husband starts to climb up. He's not even halfway up before the wife & second man are screwing each other's brains out. The husband looks out from the tower & says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're f*cking".

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.

A week later he returns.

His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?"

He says: " Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why Isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Bob goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination, the doctor tells him, "Well, the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing we can do for you unless you are willing to try an experimental treatment." Bob asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor says, "what we should do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Bob thinks about it silently and says, "Well, the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
A few weeks after the operation, Bob was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner, he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable. To release the pressure, Bob unzipped his fly.
His penis immediately sprang from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and returned to his pants. His girlfriend was stunned at first and then said with a sly smile, "That was incredible! Can you do that again?" Bob replied, "Well, I guess so, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass."

This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather humorous.

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method. Mouse Balls are usually not static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

After the college boy delivered the pizza to Bubba's trailer house. Bubba asked:"What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth,"this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
"Is that so?" snorted Bubba. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying?" asked Bubba.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

Dave went to see the doctor one day and said, "You've got to help me. I need something so that I can get it up for my wife."
The doctor consulted his medical books, then gave Dave a pill to swallow Unfortunately, Dave's wife wasn't home when he got there. Needing relief he had to masturbate.
The next day, the doctor called and heard the story. He said, "Sol, you didn't have to beat off. There are other women around."
Dave said, "For other women, I don't need a pill."

A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk. She turns to him and says, "Excuse me Mister, but did you just shit yourself?" The drunk replied, "Yes ma'am, I have indeed shit myself." The woman says, "Well, why don't you go somewhere and clean yourself up?"
The drunk says, "'Cos I'm not finished yet..."

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.

Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.

The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.

You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.

I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new man asked, "What happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

A man meets his girl friend of 25 years ago. She was so happy to see him that she couldn't resist and asked him to come up and see her some time.

"With pleasure!" says the man.

So he bought some wine and a bunch of flowers and in the evening he went to see her. When the door opens there she was, stark naked.

"What's this?" the man was shocked.

She smiles and says, "I wore my birthday dress for you."

"That's great" he says some what embarassed, " But couldn't you have pressed it first?"