KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

One day, Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the watertrap. But just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down to the water, and eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies off, and when it is over the green, a lighting bolt shoots from the sky and hits the eagle. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop screwing around, we won't bring you next time."

Tonto and the Lone Ranger were lost on the prarie one day. The Lone Ranger, says to Tonto: "Use your Indian instincts and get us out of this mess." Tonto bends down and puts his ear to the ground. He turns and says to the Lone Ranger "Buffalo come." the Lone Ranger says to Tonto, "How do you know?", Tonto says, "Ear sticky."

Gladstone: "You will either be shot for treason, or die of a grievous disease!"
Disraeli: "That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your morals or your mistress!"

Q: What's the oldest airline company?
A: FINNAIR: when Jesus went to heaven, He didn't ascend on a cloud, He just vanished in FINNAIR.

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he was stood in a big long queue with a rather expensive suit on - hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him.

As the Pope made his way slowly down the queue, he walked right passed the American, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a tramp, leaned over and whispered something in the tramp's ear, and made his way on again.

This pisses-off the American and so agrees to pay 1000 dollars to the tramp in exchange for his suit, in the hope that the Pope will speak to him the next day.

The next morning the American is stood in the queue, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American, and when he finally reached him, leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his hear, saying:

"I thought I told you to fuck off."

Man walks into a Moscow Lada dealership and signs up for a Lada.
Customer: When will it be delivered?
Dealer: 2003.
Customer: What month?
Dealer (after looking up book): April.
Customer: What day?
Dealer (after looking up book): 12th.
Customer: What time?
Dealer (now getting pissed off): What time?! It's in 6 years time and you ask what time. Why?
Customer: I've got a plumber coming in the morning.

A student walks into a car showroom and after a long talk with a salesman, he picks the car he wants to buy.

``Do you have the cash to pay for it, Sir, or will you be making a hire purchase agreement?''

``I'll buy it on HP, thanks.''

So the student dictates his details to the salesman, who fills in the HP application. Then, to the salesman's astonishment, he signs at the bottom of the form with a big cross and a little cross.

``What are these crosses?''

``Well, the big cross is my name and the little cross is `BSc Agriculture'.''

One evening a husband comes home to his apartment very roughed up.
When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you?"

"I got into a fight with the apartment manager."

"Whatever for?"

"He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!"

"Hmmm. I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Green on the third floor."

It was in africa, and a camera crew has been assigned to get coverage of the World Famous Gorilla Wrestler at work. The camera crew is in the truck with him and his dog, and they come across a small tree. The guy says to them, "Just wait here, i'll be right back". He climbs the tree, wrestles with the gorilla for a while, then throws it to the ground. Quick as a flash, the man's dog jumps on the poor animal, and has sex with it until it faints. The man throws it in the back of the van, and the get to a medium sized tree, with a medium sized gorilla, and the same thing happens. Then they're driving along, and there is a huge tree with an absolutely massive gorilla in it, and the man hands the camera-man a gun. "What's this for?" the camera man asks. "Well, there's a small chance that i might lose the battle here, and if i do... Shoot the dog..."

It's Good Friday and Jesus is getting crucified on top of the hill. Down at the bottom are Peter, Mary, and the rest of his gang.

Suddenly Jesus moans: "Peter, Peter...".

Peter runs up to the top of the hill (pant, pant) saying, "Yes Lord, what is it Lord?".
Just as he reaches the top, a roman soldier lashes out and chops his right arm off, then kicks him all the way back to the bottom.

After several minutes, Jesus moans again: "Peter... Peter...".

Peter quickly runs up the hill, saying "Yes Lord, what's the matter Lord?",

"Peter... Peter... I can see your house from here... "