- The campsites have been reserved and the first night's deposit paid.
- The campsites are reserved for July 3-7, 1996 however Ron and Lori will be there on the night of the 2nd.
- Menus: You're on your own except for Red Beans and Rice and Crawdads on Friday night and BBQ ribs on Saturday night..
- Birthday Bash Time for Mom, Roxie and Dodo. Rumor has it that 2 very infamous chefs are catering the birthday cake. Gifts are optional and in keeping with LowLife tradition are to be gag in nature.
- Activities - Water balloon fight, scavenger hunt for the kids, You Can't Say ? Game, live entertain-ment and other games and contests. I know you'll want to win a specially chosen prize.
THE QUEEN MOTHER TURNS 60!!!
Queen Helen will celebrate her 60th birthday at the upcoming Campout out. The statement that she is ROYALLY ticked off is grossly understated. Therefore, it is with well advised caution that I issue this warning:
DON'T TICK HER OFF ANY WORSE THAN SHE ALREADY IS!!!
As they say (you ever wonder who they is) "Aging isn't all bad. Think of the trouble many of us would be in if wrinkles hurt!"
Royal Ruler Gets E-mail Address
His address is:
ostone@theone.net
Editor's warning: If you have e-mail capabilities be careful in giving just anybody (read-Royal Ruler) your address. Some people get an e-mail high by flooding your mail box with one-liners and junk e-mail.
PRINCE CONSORT WAYNE STARTS NEW BUSINESS
While enjoying his retirement and trying to teach Tequila, the cat, to talk, Prince Wayne has acquired a new hobby and sure to be successful business - "Gourmet Suet Balls by Fred". During the interview, Fred refused to share his secret recipe stating only that a Big Daddy Deep Fryer was essential. The secret recipe is called "GOURMET SUET BALLS BY FRED".
The Prince Consort also offered the following words of wisdom to the Queen Mother - You know you're getting old when your idea of an early-bird lunch is dinner.
Letter to the Editor
Deer Edatur:
This heer is the bestest BULLateen I ever did reed. Ya shure no how to rite. Me and the missus thinks ya shud git one of those there Pewlitzur prizes. I'd vote fer ya iffin I new how. Keep up the gud werk. I ain't signning my name ‘cause I can't spell "royel ruller". P.S. Ma hepped me with this leter.
BALLAD OF THE LOW-LIFES
(sung to the tune of Beverly Hillbillies)
Let me tell you all a story
Bout a Low-Life family,
A worthless bunch of campers
Who lived in Missouri.
Then one day the Royal Ruler
Dropped his drawers
And they were thrown
Right out of the Back Door!
Lounge, that is!
BDL! Jefferson City!
Well the next thing you know
The campouts have begun.
Flamingoes and Widgeons
A blast of fartin' fun.
Said Low-Life campouts
Are the place you oughta be.
So they called up all their friends
And the Low-Life Wanna Bees.
Brother Dan that is!
Orange Pylons! 8-track tapes!
Well now it's time to say goodbye
To the Prince and all his kin.
They would like to thank you all
For kindly joining in.
You're all invited back next time
To some locality
When we won't be so nice
To all you WANNABEES.
YOU ALL COME BACK NOW
YA HEAR!
(Performed by Roxie,Dodo,Lori at April's Low-Life campout.)
APRIL SHOWERS CAMPOUT
The first Low-Life Campout of 1996 was a fine tribute to the Royal Order of Widgeons. Perfect
Duck Weather. It was held at Shelbina City Lake so we could all be close to the water. If we had
only known how close we would be to it all weekend.
Friday was Red Beans and Rice and Twinkie Cake Night. After being forewarned to "EAT AT YOUR
OWN RISK - ROXIE COOKED THE BEANS", everyone sat down to a most delicious meal.
Saturday, John William jumped into the lake without being told. He's such a "active" child.
Saturday lunch was Apple, Cheddar and Mexican Bratwurst from Schultes' in Jefferson City.
That afternoon a surprise wedding shower was given to Dodo, Byron and Skyler. They received
many nice camping gifts.
A gourmet dinner was catered by the Royal Ruler a.k.a. Chef Shish Kabob at the Shelter house
due to the inclement weather being constantly served by the Sniders. The feast consisted of
shish-kabob, hobo potatoes and onions and lettuce salad.
An official Royal Order of the Low-Life's meeting was held upon the return of the Queen Mother and
Prince Consort from Michael Allen's graduation ceremonies. Approval of the Royal Low-Life
Charter was obtained. Roxie, Dodo and Lori provided the entertainment and welcome with their
new song "The Ballad of the Low-Lifes". The
charter and the ballad are included with this newsletter.
Sunday morning bloomed wet and dreary. Having had all the fun they could stand, camp was broken
with plans to meet at the same place during Memorial Day weekend.
Attendees at the April Campout were: Ron, Lori, Ronnie, Liz, Rachel, Mog, Daddy, Thel, Mom, Floyd, Diane, Andy, Lacy, Erick, Jade, Orville, Jim, Rosie, Okey Jr, Roxie, Cody, Will, Amy, Dodo, Byron, Skyler, Kevin, Lisa, Michael Allen, John William, Dan, Ida, Eva, Jim and Rosie (34 and 1 dog!)
DEAR LOW-LIFE:
I think I made a mistake with my second marriage. My husband is a sex fiend. He won't leave me alone. He comes after me 24-hours a day. I can be in the shower, making dinner or even bent over to pick up the cat, doing anything. What can I do?
P.S. Please excuse the jerky handwriting!
Signed -Over-the-Hill
Dear Over-the-Hill:
It appears that your husband is suffering from Retirementitis. Try increasing his Honey-Do list. That way when he gets up in the morning, he'll think he's back at work.
MAY FLOWERS CAMPOUT
It has now been officially decided that the Low-Life WANNABEES, Dan, Ida and Eva, are responsible for the wet weather we've experienced during the last two campouts. It was surmised by some that the rain was really tears of joy from God that this woebegone family of WANNABEES had finally found companionship. As Dan wailed "You guys are all we got."
The campsites were secured by Lisa and kids and Diane and tent. At the risk of being beaned, this was greatly appreciated. Ron and Lori arrived Friday morning to a gray, damp and wet campground, knowing that the Sniders were probably going to show up. Roxie outdid herself with another delicious mess of Red Beans and Rice, complimented by a meat and cheese tray by the Sniders.
Saturday the new canopy was erected in hopes of scaring the dreary weather away. No such luck. Breakfast was a community effort with the Royal Ruler scrambling the eggs, Lori grilling the sausage and ham with guidance from the Royal Ruler, Dorothy making the coffee and dispensing drinks, and Ron and Roxie making the toast.
Saturday lunch was on your own. Fat-free hotdogs were enjoyed by most.
Eva decided to follow in John William's footsteps and check out the lake. Once again, Mom Dodo came to the rescue with clean dry clothing.
Saturday night was another bring your own and grill your own steak dinner. Dodo furnished a savory Mushroom Caesar Salad. The Sniders provided a Flamingo cake which was devoured in a matter of a few minutes.
A Royal Low-Life meeting was held with honors and dishonors being handed out. After being charged with exhibiting behavior unbecoming a Low Lifer (writing a thank-you note to the Royal Ruler and family for their hospitality at the April Campout, Lori was beaned and deafened for exhibiting behavior unbecoming a Low-Lifer. Dodo was presented with 3 pairs of underwear - one for wearing while swinging on the porch, one for wearing at her wedding and an emergency pair. The WANNABEES were officially inducted into the Low-Life Order with knighting by the Royal Ruler. Their ceremonious bird species is the Limpkin. An official reading of the Limpkin family ancestry was recited by the Royal Ruler. The Snider family was then presented with treasures fitting a newly welcomed Low-Lifer - 2 eight-track tapes (one of which was taken back by the rightful owner, Kevin). It was also decided at this time that Kevin and family would be assigned a species and Diane and family would choose their own.
Winner of the Bad Hair Day contest was Ida Snider. Although she had strong competition, Ida was the person with the worst hair at the campsite - probably all of Missouri and Illinois. She received the grand prize of pink foam rollers and a pink rain bonnet.
Video tapes of the Bray Wedding were watched following dinner. The missing underpants caper has yet to be solved.
Sunday's weather was much like it had been all weekend. The Queen Mother furnished breakfast, minus the coffee. After enduring the rain, a Feast fit for the Royal Low-Life gang, catered by Diane, was moved to the Royal Ruler's abode. And a feast it was. Lasagne, garlic bread, salad, marinated cucumbers and onions and a Black Forest Dump Cake were savored by all.
A retirement party was held for the Prince Consort Wayne. A game was played to help PC Wayne decide what he could do during his retirement days. He then was presented with some very nice and appropriate gifts.
The Queen and her Consort headed back to Jefferson City shortly after devouring their noon meal. The remaining Low-Lifers spent Sunday afternoon playing "You Don't Know Jack..." and taking baths by people who hadn't had one in a few days.
Sunday evening, Ron, Joe and Cody attended the Bull Bash in Shelbina. Will graciously shared part of the 100+ pounds of fish he and friends caught this weekend for an impromptu fish fry. The meal was accompanied by deep-fried biscuits, deep-fried marshmallows, potato wedges, salad, and deep-fried baked potatoes. Roxie and Okey's anniversary cake was offered, however knowing how much Roxie wanted to take it home, everyone refrained from eating any.
As if the weather wasn't bad enough already, a storm blew through late Sunday night and early Monday morning. At 1:30 AM, Lori and Dorothy were planning their escape route. Lori had picked out her bad weather spotters - a flamingo wind gauge and Styrofoam worm-cup high- water gauge. Caring deeply for other members of the Low-Life gang, Ron and Liz called from their safe abode in Jefferson City at 2:00 AM to make sure we knew we were having bad weather.
With help from lots of rain-weary Low-Lifers, camp was broken and the Jeff City Low-Lifers were greeted with perfect weather upon their arrival home Monday afternoon.
Attendees at the Memorial Day Low-Life Campout were:
Queen Helen and Prince Consort, Royal Ruler, Roxie a.k.a. Bunny Love and Trixie, Cody, Will, Amy, Diane, Andy, Lacy, Jade, Kevin, Lisa, Casey, Michael Allen, John William, Dodo, Byron, Skyler, Dan, Ida, Eva, Joe, Dopey, Dorothy, Tammy, Jim, Rosie, Ron, Lori, and Orville (31 total!)
A VAPID DEATH
...gives new meaning to the term "he got beaned''...(editor's note: probably by the Royal Ruler
at a campout meeting.)
Terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was
killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of
methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted of beans and cabbage-just the right
combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous
cloud that was hanging over his bed. The Medical Examiner said, "Had he been outside or had his
windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom.
He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas].''
Three of the rescue workers got sick and one was hospitalized.
Old age is when a woman buys a sheer negligee and doesn't know anyone with eyesight good enough
to see through it.
WILL'S BIG OL' FISH
Not only did Will and friends catch the biggest fish (57 lb catfish), they also caught the most. Other honorable mentions in the fishing category are Skyler, Cody, Michael, and Casey.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
Needed - Campfire wood for the July Low-Life campout. Supplies have been deleted at the usual
piles. If you have access to or would like to contribute to purchasing firewood, please call.
Lost - One fishing pole. Last seen Sunday at the Memorial Day Low-Life campout at Shelbina Lake.
If found, please call Michael Allen. Reward of one big smile and thankful aspiring fisherman.
Wanted - Spare or baby-back ribs for Saturday, July 6, 1996, evening meal. Please call the
Editor-in-Chief or Dame Roxie.
Wanted - Outdoor games and sports supplies for the July campout. Will accept anything but
keep in mind the age of people who will be attending. No need to call - just bring them with you
to the campout.
To give away - Fantastic prizes to winners of the July campout contests. Be sure to complete
the contest forms included with this newsletter and bring with you on the 4th of July weekend.
Help Wanted - If this damn newsletter gets any bigger, there will be an immediate opening for
Editor-in-Chief. Salary based on ability to do it for nothing.
The trail back to the main campsite.
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They are a GREAT bunch of people. Probably campers, just like us!
THE QUEEN MOTHER TURNS 60!!!
Queen Helen will celebrate her 60th birthday at the upcoming Campout out. The statement that she is ROYALLY ticked off is grossly understated. Therefore, it is with well advised caution that I issue this warning:
DON'T TICK HER OFF ANY WORSE THAN SHE ALREADY IS!!!
As they say (you ever wonder who they is) "Aging isn't all bad. Think of the trouble many of us would be in if wrinkles hurt!"
Royal Ruler Gets E-mail Address
His address is:
ostone@theone.net
Editor's warning: If you have e-mail capabilities be careful in giving just anybody (read-Royal Ruler) your address. Some people get an e-mail high by flooding your mail box with one-liners and junk e-mail.
PRINCE CONSORT WAYNE STARTS NEW BUSINESS
While enjoying his retirement and trying to teach Tequila, the cat, to talk, Prince Wayne has acquired a new hobby and sure to be successful business - "Gourmet Suet Balls by Fred". During the interview, Fred refused to share his secret recipe stating only that a Big Daddy Deep Fryer was essential. The secret recipe is called "GOURMET SUET BALLS BY FRED".
The Prince Consort also offered the following words of wisdom to the Queen Mother - You know you're getting old when your idea of an early-bird lunch is dinner.
Letter to the Editor
Deer Edatur:
This heer is the bestest BULLateen I ever did reed. Ya shure no how to rite. Me and the missus thinks ya shud git one of those there Pewlitzur prizes. I'd vote fer ya iffin I new how. Keep up the gud werk. I ain't signning my name ‘cause I can't spell "royel ruller". P.S. Ma hepped me with this leter.
BALLAD OF THE LOW-LIFES
(sung to the tune of Beverly Hillbillies)
Let me tell you all a story
Bout a Low-Life family,
A worthless bunch of campers
Who lived in Missouri.
Then one day the Royal Ruler
Dropped his drawers
And they were thrown
Right out of the Back Door!
Lounge, that is!
BDL! Jefferson City!
Well the next thing you know
The campouts have begun.
Flamingoes and Widgeons
A blast of fartin' fun.
Said Low-Life campouts
Are the place you oughta be.
So they called up all their friends
And the Low-Life Wanna Bees.
Brother Dan that is!
Orange Pylons! 8-track tapes!
Well now it's time to say goodbye
To the Prince and all his kin.
They would like to thank you all
For kindly joining in.
You're all invited back next time
To some locality
When we won't be so nice
To all you WANNABEES.
YOU ALL COME BACK NOW
YA HEAR!
(Performed by Roxie,Dodo,Lori at April's Low-Life campout.)
APRIL SHOWERS CAMPOUT
The first Low-Life Campout of 1996 was a fine tribute to the Royal Order of Widgeons. Perfect Duck Weather. It was held at Shelbina City Lake so we could all be close to the water. If we had only known how close we would be to it all weekend.
Friday was Red Beans and Rice and Twinkie Cake Night. After being forewarned to "EAT AT YOUR OWN RISK - ROXIE COOKED THE BEANS", everyone sat down to a most delicious meal.
Saturday, John William jumped into the lake without being told. He's such a "active" child. Saturday lunch was Apple, Cheddar and Mexican Bratwurst from Schultes' in Jefferson City. That afternoon a surprise wedding shower was given to Dodo, Byron and Skyler. They received many nice camping gifts.
A gourmet dinner was catered by the Royal Ruler a.k.a. Chef Shish Kabob at the Shelter house due to the inclement weather being constantly served by the Sniders. The feast consisted of shish-kabob, hobo potatoes and onions and lettuce salad.
An official Royal Order of the Low-Life's meeting was held upon the return of the Queen Mother and Prince Consort from Michael Allen's graduation ceremonies. Approval of the Royal Low-Life Charter was obtained. Roxie, Dodo and Lori provided the entertainment and welcome with their new song "The Ballad of the Low-Lifes". The charter and the ballad are included with this newsletter.
Sunday morning bloomed wet and dreary. Having had all the fun they could stand, camp was broken with plans to meet at the same place during Memorial Day weekend.
Attendees at the April Campout were: Ron, Lori, Ronnie, Liz, Rachel, Mog, Daddy, Thel, Mom, Floyd, Diane, Andy, Lacy, Erick, Jade, Orville, Jim, Rosie, Okey Jr, Roxie, Cody, Will, Amy, Dodo, Byron, Skyler, Kevin, Lisa, Michael Allen, John William, Dan, Ida, Eva, Jim and Rosie (34 and 1 dog!)
DEAR LOW-LIFE:
I think I made a mistake with my second marriage. My husband is a sex fiend. He won't leave me alone. He comes after me 24-hours a day. I can be in the shower, making dinner or even bent over to pick up the cat, doing anything. What can I do? P.S. Please excuse the jerky handwriting!Signed -Over-the-Hill
Dear Over-the-Hill:
It appears that your husband is suffering from Retirementitis. Try increasing his Honey-Do list. That way when he gets up in the morning, he'll think he's back at work.
MAY FLOWERS CAMPOUT
It has now been officially decided that the Low-Life WANNABEES, Dan, Ida and Eva, are responsible for the wet weather we've experienced during the last two campouts. It was surmised by some that the rain was really tears of joy from God that this woebegone family of WANNABEES had finally found companionship. As Dan wailed "You guys are all we got."The campsites were secured by Lisa and kids and Diane and tent. At the risk of being beaned, this was greatly appreciated. Ron and Lori arrived Friday morning to a gray, damp and wet campground, knowing that the Sniders were probably going to show up. Roxie outdid herself with another delicious mess of Red Beans and Rice, complimented by a meat and cheese tray by the Sniders.
Saturday the new canopy was erected in hopes of scaring the dreary weather away. No such luck. Breakfast was a community effort with the Royal Ruler scrambling the eggs, Lori grilling the sausage and ham with guidance from the Royal Ruler, Dorothy making the coffee and dispensing drinks, and Ron and Roxie making the toast.
Saturday lunch was on your own. Fat-free hotdogs were enjoyed by most. Eva decided to follow in John William's footsteps and check out the lake. Once again, Mom Dodo came to the rescue with clean dry clothing.
Saturday night was another bring your own and grill your own steak dinner. Dodo furnished a savory Mushroom Caesar Salad. The Sniders provided a Flamingo cake which was devoured in a matter of a few minutes.
A Royal Low-Life meeting was held with honors and dishonors being handed out. After being charged with exhibiting behavior unbecoming a Low Lifer (writing a thank-you note to the Royal Ruler and family for their hospitality at the April Campout, Lori was beaned and deafened for exhibiting behavior unbecoming a Low-Lifer. Dodo was presented with 3 pairs of underwear - one for wearing while swinging on the porch, one for wearing at her wedding and an emergency pair. The WANNABEES were officially inducted into the Low-Life Order with knighting by the Royal Ruler. Their ceremonious bird species is the Limpkin. An official reading of the Limpkin family ancestry was recited by the Royal Ruler. The Snider family was then presented with treasures fitting a newly welcomed Low-Lifer - 2 eight-track tapes (one of which was taken back by the rightful owner, Kevin). It was also decided at this time that Kevin and family would be assigned a species and Diane and family would choose their own.
Winner of the Bad Hair Day contest was Ida Snider. Although she had strong competition, Ida was the person with the worst hair at the campsite - probably all of Missouri and Illinois. She received the grand prize of pink foam rollers and a pink rain bonnet.
Video tapes of the Bray Wedding were watched following dinner. The missing underpants caper has yet to be solved.
Sunday's weather was much like it had been all weekend. The Queen Mother furnished breakfast, minus the coffee. After enduring the rain, a Feast fit for the Royal Low-Life gang, catered by Diane, was moved to the Royal Ruler's abode. And a feast it was. Lasagne, garlic bread, salad, marinated cucumbers and onions and a Black Forest Dump Cake were savored by all.
A retirement party was held for the Prince Consort Wayne. A game was played to help PC Wayne decide what he could do during his retirement days. He then was presented with some very nice and appropriate gifts.
The Queen and her Consort headed back to Jefferson City shortly after devouring their noon meal. The remaining Low-Lifers spent Sunday afternoon playing "You Don't Know Jack..." and taking baths by people who hadn't had one in a few days.
Sunday evening, Ron, Joe and Cody attended the Bull Bash in Shelbina. Will graciously shared part of the 100+ pounds of fish he and friends caught this weekend for an impromptu fish fry. The meal was accompanied by deep-fried biscuits, deep-fried marshmallows, potato wedges, salad, and deep-fried baked potatoes. Roxie and Okey's anniversary cake was offered, however knowing how much Roxie wanted to take it home, everyone refrained from eating any.
As if the weather wasn't bad enough already, a storm blew through late Sunday night and early Monday morning. At 1:30 AM, Lori and Dorothy were planning their escape route. Lori had picked out her bad weather spotters - a flamingo wind gauge and Styrofoam worm-cup high- water gauge. Caring deeply for other members of the Low-Life gang, Ron and Liz called from their safe abode in Jefferson City at 2:00 AM to make sure we knew we were having bad weather.
With help from lots of rain-weary Low-Lifers, camp was broken and the Jeff City Low-Lifers were greeted with perfect weather upon their arrival home Monday afternoon.
Attendees at the Memorial Day Low-Life Campout were:
Queen Helen and Prince Consort, Royal Ruler, Roxie a.k.a. Bunny Love and Trixie, Cody, Will, Amy, Diane, Andy, Lacy, Jade, Kevin, Lisa, Casey, Michael Allen, John William, Dodo, Byron, Skyler, Dan, Ida, Eva, Joe, Dopey, Dorothy, Tammy, Jim, Rosie, Ron, Lori, and Orville (31 total!)
A VAPID DEATH
...gives new meaning to the term "he got beaned''...(editor's note: probably by the Royal Ruler at a campout meeting.)
Terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted of beans and cabbage-just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. The Medical Examiner said, "Had he been outside or had his windows opened it wouldn't have been fatal but the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas].'' Three of the rescue workers got sick and one was hospitalized.
Old age is when a woman buys a sheer negligee and doesn't know anyone with eyesight good enough to see through it.
WILL'S BIG OL' FISH
Not only did Will and friends catch the biggest fish (57 lb catfish), they also caught the most. Other honorable mentions in the fishing category are Skyler, Cody, Michael, and Casey.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
Needed - Campfire wood for the July Low-Life campout. Supplies have been deleted at the usual piles. If you have access to or would like to contribute to purchasing firewood, please call.
Lost - One fishing pole. Last seen Sunday at the Memorial Day Low-Life campout at Shelbina Lake. If found, please call Michael Allen. Reward of one big smile and thankful aspiring fisherman.
Wanted - Spare or baby-back ribs for Saturday, July 6, 1996, evening meal. Please call the Editor-in-Chief or Dame Roxie.
Wanted - Outdoor games and sports supplies for the July campout. Will accept anything but keep in mind the age of people who will be attending. No need to call - just bring them with you to the campout.
To give away - Fantastic prizes to winners of the July campout contests. Be sure to complete the contest forms included with this newsletter and bring with you on the 4th of July weekend.
Help Wanted - If this damn newsletter gets any bigger, there will be an immediate opening for Editor-in-Chief. Salary based on ability to do it for nothing.
The trail back to the main campsite.
Get your own Free Home Page