When it comes to discussing love, leave me out of it. We all try to find a satisfactory position to take on the subject, and I've grown so jaded with the whole debate that I'm instantly impatient when it's broached. Yet it remains one of the most popular and frustrating topics in our world today, and so I'm going to attempt to get my thoughts down on paper for once and all.
I've spent 19 years in observation: not an extensive time period at all, but I've been gifted with perception and a skill for using words, so I feel qualified to write this. I was raised as a conservative Christian. I read several books on courtship and attended a Joshua Harris meeting in my early teens. I lived in smalltown Midwest USA during what might have been the rebellious period, and instead was simply my awkward period. I never snuck out of the house or dated, nor did I have any desire to. I remain a virgin in every meaning of the word, but I haven't remained completely sheltered and by now I know more about sex than my mother might want to realize. As a matter of fact, I've joked that, in a hypothetical sexual situation, I would be so exasperated by the fumbling (since, obviously, not enough experience to be smooth here) I would never be able to stay in 'the mood'.
The truth is, I would rather not have to wax philosophical about this subject, but people refuse to let me get away with it. It seems impossible to believe anyone has a balanced point-of-view on love in this day and age. That I understand. Love has become a hobby for people to play at. What people want from romance is a great love, one that stays true forever, can withstand great obstacles, fulfill their needs, and give them their desires. But in order to have an extraordinary love, there must be two absolutely extraordinary people. Two whole people, which is something very hard to come by now. Yet how can one be whole and still able to just put themselves into someone else's hands and say "I can be anything you want me to be"? The truth is, that's the kind of love God wants from us, only He doesn't seem so easy to get directions from. That's where the faith comes in.
It says in 1 John 4:7-13 that God is love, so we know that there's a reason behind all this love-mania in the world: it's just a perversion. People are looking for God, but those who can't accept Him find their own weak alternative. Many people excuse a lot of silly behavior by saying that the relationship between a married man and woman is to be a mirror of God's love for His people, but that is not meant to mean that romantic love and marriage is a necessary thing for our salvation. I think the best person to explain the difference between needing and convention is Paul. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, Paul is only elaborating on Jesus' statements in Matthew 19:10-12: Jesus' disciples then said to him, "Then it is better not to marry!" "Not everyone can accept this statement," Jesus said, "Only those whom God helps...Let anyone who can, accept this statement."
Lust is no temptation for a person who can't accept a flawed, earthly version of the pure and perfect love God describes in the Bible. It's true that it's easy to see those who do need a fleshly example in their lives as weak, but whatever form your God-given desire takes, everyone needs balance. The endless quest for balance is one of the hardest things that we must endure in this world.
Christians shouldn't fall into the trap of seeing romantic love as more important than familial love or the love of friends. This has happened as the nuclear family has fallen apart, as the Church family has adopted secular ways, and as the media and mass entertainment has become the controlling force in the culture. There has always been evil in the world, but it pervades the very air everywhere we go in this age. The home is no longer a haven. The church is no longer a safe learning opportunity.
The only thing I can say to those who have that desire in their heart for children of their own to raise for God, and a spouse to be a helpmate and intimate spiritual companion, is ...don't go looking. The only thing we need to be searching for in this world is a deeper relationship with God. He gave us our desires and He will fulfill them. I know there's nothing new about me saying that, but the difference should be where you're coming from. We weren't put on this earth to mate.
Conspiracy!
and why not?
Alicia.
8.24.02
Notes: a new romance, ramblings on love, my online diary.
Related Things: The Marriage Mystery, an exposition on chemistry, S*X, on guys, out-dated ramble on dating.