Professional Fulbs.
Easter is a busy time. Maybe too busy for my step-father. He was attempting to work the counter after already putting in a full day. Then a customer came in to borrow the phone book. "I've chipped my tooth and I want to find someone to fix it." Maybe it was the tiredness, or the years working in a caravan park finally catching up with him. "Sure, look under 'M' for Motor Repairs."
It took quite a few minutes for my Mother to stop laughing long enough to explain the customer's blank look. "He's used to broken cars, not teeth."
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We had bought a new scanner off a discount table. Congratulating ourselves on a great buy, we hurried home to unpack our prize. What followed was hours of frustration and swearing, trying to get the thing to work. Finally we gave up understanding why the last person had returned it. It was only when we were packing the scanner away that we realised we had forgotten to use the correct cord for the scanner.
It wouldn't be so embarrassing if we didn't both work in the computing industry.
Gotta Laugh.
We were driving along listening to the radio. There was quite a long instrumental piece featuring a new pianist. My husband gave the dry comment, "He must have wonderful breath control." When I looked at him in astonishment, he slapped the steering wheel, "Oh of course that's silly. It must be an electric piano."
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My young daughter had discovered how to open the fridge door by herself. Noticing two chocolates missing I asked her to hold out her hands. Knowing that both hands were filled with incriminating evidence, she calmly sat on the floor and held out her foot. When this didn't work, she popped both chocolates into her mouth and then held out her hands.
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I was sitting in the smallest room in the house, contemplating the universe, when I heard a yelp of pain. In a panic to get there while my pants were still around my ankles, I called out to my young daughter, Jess, only to have Boney the dog rush in. The mystery was solved when Jess followed soon after holding a pair of scissors and a hank of dog fur. Boney proceeded to look from me to Jess in a quite pointed way. Obviously only a defective mother leaves scissors down low enough for a two year old to get them. I found myself explaining to the poor dog that Jess must have climbed up on to the shelf.
I don't know if it was Jess' attempts at complete innocence or the dog's disgusted look that set me laughing, but it was lucky I was in the smallest room after all.
Fan Fiction
I was attempting a writing course. My husband, always trying to be helpful, suggested writing some fan fiction. I had previously written some pieces based on various TV shows that other fans of the show had liked. He even said he would help write the first bit, just to help me get started. I was amazed. He didn't like the show I normally wrote for. Then I understood. With a haughty pose, he started to recite his composition. "Whir, whir, whir, spin oscillate."
Tales Out of School
My family couldn't believe it when my two year old daughter came home from play group with a report card. Then they read the one line that made them believe it had to be hers, "Jessica loves to use with the play dough. She pulls it out and smears it through her hair."
No-One Told Me.
One cry is constant when a couple brings a new child home. Why didn't they tell me?
Why didn't they tell me that you have to count the plates in and out of the kitchen or you inevitably find one in the sandbox? Why didn't they tell me that the only way to find the phone pen is to check the dog's ear? Why do children play happily by themselves only when they are stuffing things down the toilet bowl? And how come videos are so allergic to soft drink when the TV is so full of ads for them?
There are some compensations though:
One liners