"Have I ever told you about the time your mother ran over the dog? It was just before you were born. We were newly weds, living out at the farm. I had built an incinerator because your mother was worried that there was too much shrubbery near the house."

"Well I was at work when she decided the incinerator wasn't good enough. Instead, she decided to burn off the rubbish down near the creek. And, of course, it got away from her. "

"She had the hose but it was too far away and she was too fat... I mean pregnant to run. So she decided to jump in the car and drive down the road to the neighbours. He had a big spraying tractor and a phone."

"Anyway your Mum wasn't always the brilliant driver she is now" said Dad, trying to live down the ‘too fat’ comment, "in fact, she was just learning how to drive. So she grabs the keys and gets into our little red sports convertible and kangaroos all the way up the road, jumping and grinding the gears. But she forgot Missy."

"You were going for a drive and forgot the dog?"

Dad nodded again sharing our astonishment, "Yep. So naturally, Missy sits ready to hop in. Your Mum sees her sitting calmly by the side of the driveway and for some reason..."

"Like the fire"

"Panics. Now in spite of the driveway being large enough for two trucks abreast, your Mum manages to hit the dog, run into the gatepost, rebound, hit the dog again and hit the other gatepost."

"So there she is, house burning down, dog bleeding and no help. So she bundles the dog into the car and heads down the road. It only takes her about 5ks to figure out how to get the car out of first gear and she’s doing a fair speed. Then she spots this maniac taxi trying to run her off the road."

"What she doesn’t know is that the maniac is not a maniac at all, but a mate of mine that I said could borrow the car. Now he knows that your Mum couldn’t drive, so he thinks the car is being stolen. He gives a cry of, ‘follow that car’ to the taxi driver and they’re off!"

"Your Mum is trying to keep an eye on the bleeding dog, one on the road and one on the maniac taxi so, of course, she’s weaving all over the place. The other guys figure out she has to be a drunk and they speed up. Your Mum is sure they are out to kill her so she speeds up too."

"That’s when they all meet the tractor coming the other way. They might have been all right except with your Mum swerving and the taxi swerving and the farmer swearing, well they all ended up in the ditch. Lucky there was a tractor there to pull them all out."

"Anyway, old frank managed to sort everything out, put out the fire, bandage up the dog and reseat the gate posts before he left with what was left of the car. I come home to a burnt out yard, a limping dog and a pregnant wife yelling, ‘I told you that incinerator was no good.’"

"What could I do?"

"Just say ‘Yes Dear’."