Everything was too much. He was shaking, wishing he could hit or kick or break something, wishing he could scream at the top of his lungs. His eyes were bloodshot and he was completely disheveled; he could even smell his own bad breath. He was so tired and just wanted it all to stop. Xander found himself in a familiar position, staring at the contents of his refrigerator.
He also caught himself wondering where all the beer had gone, again. He froze. THAT scared him.
He forced himself to shut the door.
He WAS turning into his father. He hadn’t married Anya because he was afraid of that very thing and now because of his stupid cold feet she was a demon again and he was alone in front of his refrigerator wishing to all the gods for another six-pack to knock him out.
‘Zeppo, thou art a spectacular failure, no matter what anyone says.’
Buffy stared at the door for several minutes, breathless. She knew Spike was in the crypt, but something was nagging at her. He felt different somehow.
She walked in on him sitting curled up on himself in a corner. He stood up, dusted himself off and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Slayer,” Spike said, taking a step towards her but stopping, keeping his distance.
“Spike,” she replied.
“What can I do for you?”
“Cut it out, Spike, I didn’t come here for small talk.”
“Have you got an answer for me, then?”
“I’ll go.”
“Good,” he shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.
Buffy was startled to see how relieved he looked. “So, how were you planning on us getting there?”
“Old bike’s low on petrol-”
“I’ll see what I can do,” she said, looking around uncomfortably.
“Thanks,” he whispered sincerely, looking her in the eye for the first time.
She held her breath, caught up in the moment, in what she saw in his eyes. He fidgeted with the edge of his duster.
Buffy felt like they were in a school play, like both of them suddenly forgot how to act natural. She tried to shake it off and almost choked. The silence became deafening. She straightened up and turned to leave.
“Meet me at the house at 10 tomorrow night, I should be ready by then,” she told him, sounding almost chipper. This was all wrong. Why was she nervous?
“I’ll be outside.”
“Great,” she answered evenly.
“What about your um- job?” He asked, shuffling his feet.
“I’m going to loose it,” she stated, holding the door open. “Spike, are you okay?” She asked, his gaunt, unwashed and tormented look bothering her more than she would like.
“No. I’m not.”
Buffy was tempted to ask him what had changed. Why he looked so bad, if he was even eating, but what came out of her mouth was: “good.”
The bathroom door was knocked down and although he used the knob, Buffy’s door easily came off its hinges as well.
“Step away from the window, Chloe,” he said, stepping in front of her.
“What are you doing Clark? Are you trying to kill me?” She squealed. “Look, you broke Buffy’s door. And OH MY GOD you’re naked!” She pointed, jumping back.
Something with X’s for eyes reached for the window as Chloe filled newly-arrived-Pete in on Clark’s crazy behavior. The friends understood something was there even though Clark’s massive frame blocked the view out the window.
“Stay back,” Clark motioned as he stared down the wannabe intruder. Curiously, the seemingly blind entity slowly climbed back down the tree. Clark was startled when his ex-ray vision showed there were two more of these things under the tree, all in black robes, each wielding a knife.
They seemed to be staring up at him, calmly.
Clark felt his friends come closer.
“Who were you asking to stay back, man?”
“Is everything okay, are we safe?”
“It’s gone. Whatever it was,” he lied. “Still, I suggest we all sleep in the other room tonight.” He covered himself with a stuffed pig as he walked passed them and back into the bathroom, hoping not to die of embarrassment.
Chloe looked like she was going to protest but Pete couldn’t be certain if she was sad Clark was getting dressed or because she didn’t want to sleep in the other room.
Xander stood under the cold shower with his clothes on, looking at the wall and the water falling. He needed a vacation. And, as they probably all did, a great deal of therapy.
He had only just started banging his head against the wall when he heard a popping sound behind him. He didn’t turn around.
“Xander, you’re scaring me. You’re supposed to be okay so I can be mad at you and not want to hold you in my arms.”
“I really blew it Ahn. Didn’t I?”
“Well, anyone could tell you that, letting me go like you did... What were you thinking?” She scoffed. “Are you happier now?” She asked, not getting an answer. Her voice cracked and squeaked, “I still don’t understand how you could do that to me.”
Clark dressed in record speed, his cheeks flushed. He’d have to get Xander in here to help him put the doors back up. He kept up with the trio of X-guys until they practically disappeared when he blinked.
This was sure to be a longer night than he had anticipated.
When he got into the bedroom, his friends had arranged a sleeping bag for him on the floor. It made sense; he definitely took up the most room. He smiled, “just like old times right?”
“Yep, except we’re all a little old for sleepovers, dontcha think?”
Clark hadn’t accepted to sleep in anyone’s presence since he had realized he occasionally woke up floating. He smiled uneasily.
Chloe sat up in bed. “So Clark, what was that at the window?”
“I don’t know Chloe; it was something though.”
“So, what are we supposed to do?”
“Wait for Buffy to come home, stay together… We’ll be fine guys.”
“Clark,” Peter practically whispered. “How did you know?”
“Know what?”
“You weren’t in the room.” Chloe and Pete both stared at him, waiting for an answer. “And the doors Clark, they’re both broken.” Clark had hoped Chloe had been too flustered to notice and that Pete hadn’t seen him run out.
“Adrenaline mostly. Plus this house …it’s really shoddy workmanship. Buffy told me. It’s a joke around here. Sorry I didn’t give you the head’s up.”
“Clark, be honest with me for once,” Chloe started.
Clark gulped.
“Do you get premonitions?”
When Xander turned around he was surprised that Anya hadn’t gone. He wiped the water from his face and turned off the tap.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be in another realm or something? What are you even doing here?”
“Nothing. You looked like you needed a friend so I figured what the hell; I’ll just resume hating you later.”
“You’re my friend?”
“Well, I was, wasn’t I? We weren’t always copulating, there were conversations and discussions about a myriad of subjects and we shared drinks and even had outings to watch sporting events.”
“Sorry, you’re right,” Xander said, stepping out of the bath.
“Of course I am. That’s a stupid thing to say.”
She put a towel around him. Their proximity screamed of intimacy. They both held their breath, their eyes locked.
Anya abruptly stepped back and wrenched her hands from him.
“It’s unbearable Xander. My chest is going to explode. What are we doing?”
“I thought it was for the best,” he whispered.
“That’s my toothbrush Xander,” she cried, pointing at the counter where it was intertwined with his. “That’s my toothbrush,” she sobbed again.
He stepped forward to hold her and they sank to the floor.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I belonged here,” she whispered. “I belonged here with you.”
Buffy had gone back to Xander’s house and slipped a note under the door asking him to Revello Drive for a meeting in the afternoon. When she finally got home, she realized she only had a couple of hours left before her shift started. She raised an eyebrow when she read the post-it note on her door. It simply stated ‘Sorry’. She understood when she tried to open said door and it came right off. That’s when Clark walked out into the hall.
“Where is everyone?”
“In your mother’s room. They’re all fine but something did come up.”
“What?”
“Humanoid, X’s for eyes. Black robe, freaky knife, climbing up the tree to your bedroom.”
“Think you could draw it?”
“I guess.”
“Good,” she said, laying out her embarrassing work clothes and stretching. “We can research at the meeting when I get home from work.”
“Sure, and listen about the door...”
“It’s fine Clark.”
“There’s also the bathroom door...”
“We’ll think about that later.”
“So will you be okay? You haven’t slept yet.”
“I figured I would try and get an hour in before I got in the shower,” she said, “except I need like 10 Tylenol before my head explodes.”
“Oh, okay, well I’ll leave you to that.”
“Keep me company?”
“Sure,” Clark said, watching as she swallowed a handful of pills.
She shrugged. “I’m the Slayer, you should see how many needles the dentist has to stick in me before I’m actually numb. It’s frightening.”
Buffy sat up on her bed, stretching her legs out while Clark sat awkwardly on the end. Buffy rolled her eyes. She patted the space next to her, “so, I need to ask you something.”
“Shoot,” he said, trying moving across the bed to sit next to her.
“Do you think you could fill in for me for awhile?”
“What?”
“If I left for a day, or two, or more?”
“Now?”
“I have to go, Clark. I need to be in LA, like, last month.”
“When?”
“After my shift.”
“I thought you were working tomorrow?”
“I’m going to loose my job. They already said I couldn’t take any more personal days,” she explained, trying to massage the stress out of her neck.
“But-”
“Clark, it’s not fair to the others, I get it.”
“But it’s important,” Clark said, scooting closer so their sides touched. The distance between them seemed strange and uncalled for.
“But how are they supposed to know?”
“Buffy, how are you supposed to pay for everything?” He asked, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.
“On the bright side, I won’t smell like grease or have hat hair for awhile,” she said, evading the issue. “Everything has to come second to the slaying.”
“But how are you supposed to do it? You have a sister and a full time job and bills and you’re supposed to be the one girl in the entire world... And how are you supposed to know if something happens in Africa, or Australia or Connecticut for that matter?”
“I don’t get to travel, I have to guard the Hellmouth. This is my town and my responsibility. Most end of the worldy stuff goes down here anyway. There are others who help though, like Angel in LA. He’s the one I’m going to find,” she said.
Xander moved back and coughed. Anya abruptly stopped sobbing and held her breath. They both stood up and tried to straighten themselves as best they could.
Xander had to smile, though nothing about the situation was funny.
“How did we get here?” He asked her, shaking his head. “How did we end up here?” He repeated, motioning to his soaked clothes dripping onto the floor. “This is crazy.”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, biting her thumbnail.
“I still love you, you know?” He told her, holding out his hand. “I wanted to say that I still love you.”
She managed to takes his hand and collapse against him in a fit of tears. She clutched his shirt and let him rock her.
“I’m really sorry Ahn. It’s all my fault,” he said as he stroked her hair and kissed her temple. “I’m so sorry.”
Anya took several deep breaths to calm herself and looked at Xander. All the questions she had evaporated, all the doubts and insults ran out of her head as she closed her eyes and the gap between their lips.
The moment was gone when they were startled by a knock at the door.
“Xander? Are you in there? Look, I really need to pee, are you going to be long?”
Xander turned toward the door to tell Dawn he’d be out in a minute when Anya disappeared.