TOP 20 REASONS WHY DS9 KICKS TNG'S BUTT

20.  When Picard finds a wormhole, it either almost destroys the 
	ship or turns out to be unstable.  When Sisko finds a wormhole, 
	he makes contact with the gods that live inside and oh yeah, it 
	turns out to be stable.

19.  Picard's first officer is a womanizing, slightly paunchy poker 
	player.  Sisko's first officer is an ex-terrorist who beats up 
	Cardassians for fun.

18.  Jumja sticks!

17.  Picard has an empathic counselor, one of whose duties involves 
	sensing when he's disturbed because he'll damn well never say 
	it himself.  When he is disturbed, he locks himself in his ready 
	room until she makes him talk about it.  Sisko doesn't have a 
	counselor.  When he's disturbed he talks to his family and friends.

16.  Picard's  bartender will give you tea, ice cream, and advice tempered
	with ageless wisdom.  Sisko's bartender will give you a Warp Core 
	Breach in a glass the size of a goldfish bowl and tell you to go to the 
	holosuites and get yourself laid.

15.  LaForge is perpetually fixing things aboard the Enterprise, a 
	huge moving vehicle designed for space travel.  O'Brien managed 
	to FLY Deep Space Nine, which is supposed to stay in one place.

14.  Guest stars?  TNG:  Mick Fleetwood, Joe Piscopo and Matt 
	Frewer.  DS9: Oscar winner Louise Fletcher, Oscar and Emmy 
	nominee Richard Beymer, Emmy nominee Brian Keith and the 
	entire TOS cast...and let's not forget they have Tony winner 
	in their regular cast.

13.  People on TNG's holodeck go horseback riding and skiing and 
	on detective story romps.  People in DS9's holosuites go to 
	the Hoobishan baths and get exotic massage.

12.  Worf vs. Odo.  No contest.  

11.  Picard has an annoying barber who tries to give him unwelcome 
	policy advice.  Sisko has a tailor who's a trained killer and spy.

10.  Picard travels the quadrant seeking out new life and new
	civilizations.  Sisko stays where he wants...let the damned new 
	life come to HIM, dammit.

9.  Picard's doctor likes to tap dance in her spare time.  Sisko's 
	doctor likes to multiply twenty-digit numbers in his head in his 
	spare time.

8.  Picard's science officer is a sentient android with the combined
	knowledge of the species and superhuman strength.  Sisko's 
	science officer...oh. Well, you can't win them all.

7.  When TNG characters have romances, they turn to the alien-du-jour 
	for brief, ill-fated and perhaps ill-considered affairs that are sure 
	to end badly.  When DS9 characters have romances, they turn to 
	their colleagues and friends with whom they have pre-existing 
	relationships.

6.  DS9's holosuites have yet to malfunction.  Nuff said.

5.  When Lursa and B'Etor met Worf, they had him beat up and very nearly
	killed.  When Lursa and B'Etor met Odo, he had them disarmed and under
	constant surveillance within five minutes.

4.  Riker angst:  Blue shirt or red?  Ensign Waverly or Ensign Duke?  Kira
	angst:  Should I follow the will of the Prophets?  Where do my loyalties
	really lie?

3.  When Picard met Q, he quoted Shakespeare to him.  When Sisko met Q,
	they got into a boxing match.

2.  TNG wedding:  flowers and dancing.  DS9 wedding:  torturous rituals 
	and big padded fighting sticks, not to mention rockin' stag parties.

1.  Sisko would look *good* in mirrored sunglasses.



Ahead to the Next Funny

Back to the Humor Page

Back to the Bistro