TOP 21 Signs That the Enterprise is Nearing the End of its Warranty
21: Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
20: Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88"
19: Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
18: Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one
corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.
17: Computer fails to process any instruction beginnig with "w".
16: Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
15: Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep
image from flickering.
14: Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling
through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
13: Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
12: Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along
either side become to steep for crew to climb.
11: Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than
2 people on board.
10: Holodeck become caught in infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten
thousand care bears.
9: Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft
macaroni and cheese.
8: Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
7: Bug in main computer speech proccessor: computer voice
will either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
6: Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water
in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
5: Ship's dryer indiscriminently shreds crew's uniforms, and related
problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing
with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
4: Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says
"Pretty please, with sugar on it."
3: Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes
and loses access to nude volleyball program.
2: Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready room are
exhausted, and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
1: Saucer section separates whenever ship makes left turn.
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