inner strength's November Ruminations
November 1999 November 2000
Also, I lost my 2 best friends through arguments. One was an old lover who was now a friend. We grew apart and really, to quote a new buzz-word, relation-shifted. I just hate the most that our relationships ended in arguments. I wish we all had good times as our last memories of each other. I guess that is sugar-coating reality, though. I grieve that loss. I also left my door cracked for them should they ever decide to journey my way again. They both think I am just "too weird" and said they don't understand me--being so spiritual. One even called me evil for being so level headed and kind. Maybe I have changed over the past year. Maybe I am learning to live a kinder, more tolerant lifestyle. Maybe this loss is really a new beginning for me. Maybe.
copyright 1999 by inner_strength.geo
[December Ruminations]
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I really have nothing to ruminate about this month. I have been a bit down as I am every year this time. I came out to my family about my religion and that I am not doing the usual "Christmas thing". They don't understand and I feel they think I am crazy. So be it. This is who I am and what I believe.
November 2000
I am very burned out at work and the isolation is very challenging. There are wild dogs where I live so I do not feel comfortable roaming freely on my property. One in particular tries to fight with my dog. The authorities do not seem to care either. My colleagues say to just shoot them. I do not believe in harming another. I am also tired of being an outsider--a flatlander as I am referred. I do not understand this mountain culture. At the moment, I do not even want to try. My energy is all zapped out. I am looking forward to Spring when I make my decision whether to stay on here or move back to the city.
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