LIFE WITH JEFF
LETS GO FISHING!
SMILES FOR WEBBERS
MY DAILY SCHEDULE
1. You turn off your computer and go
watch your Web TV.
2. You see something funny and
scream, "LOL, LOL."
3. You meet the mailman at the curb
and swear he said
YOU'VE GOT MAIL.
4. You sign off and your screen says
you were on for 3
days and 45 minutes.
5. You fall asleep, but instead of
dreams you get IMs.
6. You buy a laptop and a cell phone
so you can have AOL
in your car.
7. Tech support calls YOU for help.
8. You beg your friends to get an
account so you can
"hang out."
9. You get a second phone line just to
call out for
pizza.
10. You purchase a vanity car license
plate with your
screen name on it.
11. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh
heh" instead of
laughing.
12. You say "SCROLL UP" when
someone asks what it was you
said.
13. You sneak away to your computer
when everyone goes to
sleep.
14. You talk on the phone with the
same person you are
sending an instant
message to.
15. You look at an annoying person off
line and wish that
you had your
ignore button handy.
16. You start to experience "withdrawal"
after not being
online for awhile.
17. You sit on AOL for 6 hours for that
certain special
person to sign on.
18. You get up in the morning and go
online before
getting your coffee.
19.You end your sentences
with.....three or more
periods.......
20. You've gone to an unstaffed AOL
room to give tech
support.
21. You think faster than the computer.
22. You enter a room and get greeted
by 25 people with
{{{hugs}}} and
**kisses**.
23. Being called a newbie is a major
insult to you.
24. You're on the phone and say BRB.
25. Your teacher or boss recommends
a drug test for the
blood shot eyes.
26. You refer to your teacher as your
search engine
27. You tell your girlfriend she had a
Hotbot, she
Excites you, and when you
make love, you scream "YAHOO!".
28. Your parrot says, Polly wants a
Hacker!
29. You call your beeper a Hyperlink.
30. Instead of forplay, you ask your
spouse if she/he
wants to skip the
small talk and cyber.
31. Whenever you are asked your
address, you give them
your URL.
32. Instead of sitting on a chair while on
your computer,
you sit on a
potty.
33. If your love life is ruined by net
splits.
34. If you have mastered the fine art of
reading fluent
typo and consider it
your second language.
35. The only Family you send Christmas
and Birthday Cards
to are the ones
who have an email address.
36. Your excuse to your boss for being
so lazy... I'm
sorry I'm lagging.
37. When you decline a real date with a
live person cause
your cyber
boyfriend (whom you've never met) is
waiting online for
you.
38. When your acrylic nails are shorter
then when you had
them put on two
weeks ago.
39. When your backside breaks out in a
rash.
40. When you have to clean your
keyboard with a Q-tip to
dislodge the food
particles.
41. When the letters come off your
keyboard from
excessive use.
42. When you pick up your phone on
Wednesday to place a
call, and the voice
mail beeping leads you to messages
left by your son, on
Sat., Sun., Mon.,
and Tuesday requesting you to return
his call. woo hoo I
love my webtv.
43. you go to bed at night and your
dreams just scroll on
in...
44. When you say "brb" to get a drink
everyone in the
room places their
order and then you actually draw a
glass for them, and
then proceed to say
cheers .
45. You actually invite large groups of
people to your
house and have
internet parties where each of them
take turns on your
webtv
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*You know you're addicted to the internet
when*
NOT ADDICTED
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(8-11-99)
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