Plastic

It’s hard to believe but plastic has been around for a long time. Plastic was first developed as an inexpensive substitute for ivory. In 1868, a serious shortage of ivory prompted a New England manufacturer of ivory billiard balls to offer a ten-thousand dollar prize for a suitable substitute. John Wesley Hyatt met that challenge and won the prize with a product he christened Celluloid and registered as a trademark in 1872, based on a British patent from the 1850s.

By 1890, Celluloid was a household word in America. Men shot Celluloid billiard balls while wearing high, "wipe-clean" Celluloid collars, cuffs, and shirtfronts. Many other products were made from it as well. Plastics became very popular from that point on. Here are a few more early debuts of plastic:

Cellophane in 1912
Acetate in 1927
Vinyl in 1928
Plexiglas in 1930
Acrylics in 1936
Melmac in 1937
Styrene in 1938
Formica in 1938
Polyester and Nylon in 1940.

Source: "Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things"

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

Joseph Addison

Retirement Gift

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner in a disgusted tone. 

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Good Choice

A meat counter clerk, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be $6.35," he told the customer.

"That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?"

Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. "This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65."

The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. "I know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"

ZONDERVAN Time To Smile

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New Numbers

If the metric system ever takes over we may have to say the following:

• A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
  
• Put your best 0.3 of a meter forward.
  
• Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
  
• Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
  
• Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
  
• Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.

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IF –— THEN

If lawyers are disbarred, and clergymen defrocked,

then are

electricians delighted,
musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged,
models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked,
and dry cleaners depressed?

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If Airlines Sold Paint

Buying paint from a hardware store...

Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?

Clerk: We have regluar quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18.  How many gallons would you like?

Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.

Clerk: Great. that will be $60 plus tax.

Buying paint from an airline...

Customer: Hi, How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, Sir that all depends.

Customer: Depends on what?

Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.

Customer: How about giving me an average price?

Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question.  The lowest  price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference, it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.

Clerk: Well, First I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is $200 paint.

Customer: What? when would I have to paint in order to get $9 paint?

Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week  and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here.  Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.

Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell  it to me?  You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there.

Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it.  It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend.  Oh, and by   the way, the price just went up to $12.

Customer: You mean the price went up while we were  talking?

Clerk: Yes sir.  You see, we change prices and rules  thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually  walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change.  Unless you want the same thing to happen again,  I would suggest you get on with your purchase.  How many  gallons do you want?

Customer: I don't know exactly.  Maybe five gallons.  Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.

Clerk: Oh, no sir, you can't do that.  If you buy the  paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for  penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: What?

Clerk: That's right.  We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the other bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.

Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all of the paint?  I already paid you for it!

Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's  just the way it is.  We make plans based upon the idea that  you will use all of the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until Sunday night?

Clerk: Yes sir, it will.

Customer: Well, that does it! I am going somewhere else to buy paint!

Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir.  We all have the same rules.  You might as well just buy it here, while the price is now  $13.50.  Thanks for flying - I mean painting - with our airline.

ZONDERVAN Time To Smile

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TRUE FACT ...

Humans begin laughing at two to three months of age. Six year olds laugh about 300 times per day, while adults laugh from 15 to 100 times per day.

SOURCE: NYT, Dr. William F. Fry, Stanford University

Daily Miscellany Comics

Phillip Bower