Humorous Horoscopes
Humorous Horoscopes
 Aries:
A friend will help you find the perfect lover. Make sure you have plenty of quarters because the change machine at the laundromat is broken. |
 Taurus:
A really bad problem will be solved this weekend. Rid will only cost around $ 7.99 and the hair will eventually grow back. |
 Gemini:
There will be a big shock waiting for you at home this weekend. You will be taking your best friend's cousin to the Prom. |
 Cancer:
The stars say that you will meet someone who will have a tremendous impact on your future. Just remember to tell the judge you were only offering that young lady a loan. |
 Leo:
The last time you felt this fortunate you were living in the shelter of your parents' home. Please remember that it is illegal to sleep with snakes in this state. |
 Virgo:
That chore you've been putting off will not wait any longer. You will just have to suck it up and call your parents this weekend. |
 Libra:
The best things in life are free. Yeah right, thats why you will pay $2.49 for a Happy Meal this weekend. |
 Scorpio:
A big surprise will await you this weekend. You will find yourself in the most romantic situation. Of course, you do know that animals are only our friends and nothing more? Don't you? |
 Sagittarius:
You will find a big pot at the end of the rainbow. Be sure to wring that mop out really well before you use it. |
 Capricorn:
A little bird will bring you great joy this week. Unfortunately, the hand it is attached to may not belong to your perfect mate. |
 Aquarius:
A night to remember will be yours this week. You will meet someone special at a party. Be sure to stop at the ATM for cash, the cops will only hold you overnight. |
 Pisces:
If you are in need of cheap transportation, you will find a bargain at Larry's Heap Yard. Just remember you will need a little extra each week for hay to feed your donkey. |
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