** On a Plumbers truck : "We repair what your husband fixed." 

   ** Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." 

   ** At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." 

   ** At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." 

   ** In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." 

   ** On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push." 

   ** At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." 

   ** On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." 

   ** In a veterinarian's waiting room : "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" 

   ** At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be." 

   ** In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." 

Humorous Horoscopes