Humorous Horoscopes
Humorous Horoscopes
 Aries:
It has often been said that a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Unless, you are at a party and everything is free. Please remember that drano is for unclogging the pipes not your sinuses. |
 Taurus:
There will be great joy for you this week. You will get a really good deal on a new set of wheels. Its alright if you have to pay extra for assembly, mountain bikes are tough to put together. |
 Gemini:
You may find yourself a few cards short of a full deck today. This could be the reason you feel like you own the world. Take the time to entertain the voices in your head. |
 Cancer:
Now is a real good time to consider purchasing swamp land in Arizona. You could be able to find investors for your aquatic farm there. Friends are usually gullible, try them first. |
 Leo:
You are going to become wealthy today. A friend will show appreciation for your loyalty and give you a nice tip: don't go to a party tonight with the strange little green man who just moved in next door. |
 Virgo:
Chances are good that your love life will be improving today. If you can convince your best friend to let you borrow some money, the stars are positive you'll be able to get a hotel room for an hour. |
 Libra:
A very mysterious and exciting person will enter your life today. Your mom will blow your mind with her knowledge of certain topics. I bet you didn't think she knew what sex was, did you? |
 Scorpio:
You can do no wrong today. Everything will be going your way for the next few days. The bus, the cops, the ugly neighbor with a crush on you, all of these things will become your new best friend today. |
 Sagittarius:
You will meet your soul mate at a party this week. Be sure to be yourself and don't drink too much. The stars indicate that you will enjoy a Jell-O bath with your new love. |
 Capricorn:
The magic number for you this week is 2. That is how many times it will take you to put your underwear on before you realize they are your Mom's underwear. |
 Aquarius:
Life will appear to be getting easier for you this week. It may be because you left the phone off the hook and your mother hasn't been able to get in touch with you. |
 Pisces:
You are going to be the life of the party today. The stars say that you will wow the crowd with a table dance. |
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