A Damsel in Distress
Princess Elsinore was grooming Fflagonphister
the dragon to whom she had been sacrificed.
She was thinking about some things
that made her mouth go dry
which was funny because she was wet elsewhere.
Just then across the vale a mighty shout rang out:
"Don't fear, fair princess! I'll save you!"
"Oh, pooh!" Elsinore said.
It was Sir Reginald, a prince from down the river.
"Challenged!" Fflagonphister roared.
"Look, guys!" Elsinore shouted.
"We have got to come to some kind of understanding here!"
"Oh, poor princess!" moaned Sir Reginald.
"Such dreadful duress you have seen!
The beast has stripped you of all your clothing!You look a mess!
And how did you get those bruises on your legs?"
"Climbing trees!" Elsinore snapped.
"Reggie, you need to work on your timing.
In some kinds of rescues it could be critical.
Take just now, for instance.
I was negotiating with this dragon when you burst in.
You have set back our chances for a peaceful resolution."
Reginald was abashed. "Negotiating naked?
I need to learn more about this kind of statecraft.
I will say when I came up you did look ready to compromise."
"Oh, stroking is politics at its most basic level," Elsinore replied.
"As a prince, you know about politics."
"This worm must give you up, and quit these parts."
Sir Reginald was firm. "No other bargain can I accept, else I will slay him."
Fflagonphister interjected. "Boy, I have digested better than you.
I fail to cower from your threat.
In fact, when you interrupted our discourse with your rude shouting,
Elsinore had just made a proposition I was considering with some interest.
I am willing to leave this old lair, not forever you know,
but as long as should concern you.
She expressed a wish to meet a certain wizard,
whom I know lives in the Misty Lands,
and that's just not a place you can get by walking."
"I will journey there with her,
while you return home saying you vanquished me,
and as I flew away in fear you heard me swear,
I would never return to your land while you live."
Elsinore chimed in, "Uh, listen Reggie, you know about politics.
That sounds like a deal you can live with,
and fighting this dragon would be a lot of hard work.
Take a look at him in the light. Aren't his scales shiny?
Those claws could make a mess real quick, don't you think?
We won't even talk about those teeth,
the last sight of so many poor victims.
Be prudent in this and you will learn from it."
Added Fflagonphister, "Prudence is often the criterion of wisdom."
Prince Reginald was silent, pacing short patterns in the gravel.
His hands were clasped behind him. Finally he asked,
"So you are resolved to fly off with this beast,
who has announced his intention not to return in my lifetime?
Elsinore, it pains me to give you good-bye in this fashion.
Take at least my cloak, so the high winds will not chill your flesh to wax."
Elsinore replied softly, "Nay, this fashion, Reggie."
She embraced him in her bare limbs,
and kissed him gently on the mouth.
She told him in their hug, "I may return myself.
There are other dragons, and the way from the Misty Lands
is supposedly easier than the way into them.
Your cloak I cannot take, nor anything but my very flesh.
There are who would trace our passing by anything we took,
whom we would not wish to know our presence.
You take my gown of sacrifice, and take my chains back.
Tell them it was sad, but I am gone from this world.
Go now, please, for you would not wish to see me ride this dragon."
Reginald shouted, "But that is the one thing I must see!
I shall not leave this place, until I see you fly with him."
She looked in his face. "Reginald, this you do not want to see.
There are constraints in how I may ride this dragon.
You see the spinal plates. To ride on his back would cut me in two.
My technique was created from my desperation.
Leave, and spare yourself this knowledge."
"I must watch you fly," he said.
"Very well." Kneeling beside the dragon,
she slipped her hand into his genital slot.
She pulled out his right hemipenis, and began stroking it.
Reginald watched, mute with horror,
as the reptile's organ began to grow erect.
The princess murmured to the dragon: "There, my lizard.
This side is my favorite, you know.
The other one is a size too large for me.
Oh, it's nice for a treat, but for a ride this long,
it would be uncomfortably snug.
Here, I'll line you up, and you just put it in."
Reginald saw her wriggle underneath the dragon on her back.
She held the beast's organ to touch her vulva.
He bit his lip as she yelled in sudden pain.
For a brief time the dragon convulsed,
driving his member deep into the human vagina.
Elsinore yelped with each thrust, her back jammed in the gravel.
The dragon hissed to a stop, then announced quite calmly,
"You were right, Elsinore. It will not go down now."
Elsinore gasped out, "You see, Reggie?
He and I are locked together now, until he ejaculates,
and we can control that.
I can twist my heels together over his tail,
because his back plates aren't so sharp here.
In flight, his leg tucks up to support my back between my shoulders.
Farewell, kind and dear man."
Prince Reginald braced himself against the swirl of wind
as the dragon's mighty pinions swept swiftly down.
The princess waved a free arm at him,
then he saw her no more.
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