I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.
                                ~Philippians 1:3

Just Say "I'm Sorry"

You don't know how I feel; please don't tell me that you do
There's just one way to know -- have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child" -- must I hear this every day?
Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away?

Don't say it was "God's will" -- that's not the God I know.
Would God, on purpose, break my heart, then watch as my tears flow?
"You have an angel in heaven, a precious child above."
But tell me, to whom here on earth shall I give this love?

"Aren't you better yet?"  Is that what I heard you say?
No!  A part of my heart aches and I'll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind, but it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child who has gone through death's door.

Don't say these things to me, although you do mean well.
They do not take the pain away; I must go through this hell.
I will get better, slow but sure--and it helps to have you near.
But a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear.

--Gail Fasolo--

I found this poem on another web site, but loved it so much I am reproducing it here.  Please do visit the site it came from, Brady's Page, it has wonderful information on grief.

One of the hardest parts of dealing with the loss of a child is the feelings of isolation that accompany the loss.  Society in general is not comfortable with acknowledging death in infancy or perinatal death for fear making those that have endured such a loss feel sad.  However, when you have lost a child, no matter when that loss occurs, you feel sad no matter what.  Remembering that child's existence does not increase the sadness, it helps it. 

This page is dedicated to informing others on the grieving process, how they can support those who grieve, and how they can work through grief themselves.  Most of the information here relates personally to our situation.  Please visit the websites listed on Our Favorite Links page under Grief for memorializing ideas, other ways to support those who are grieving, and information on understanding and dealing with grief.

• Grieving may take a long time.  Even we do not know how long.  Please be patient with us as we grieve.
  
  

• Please remember that our children are quadruplets.  Referring to them as triplets makes us feel as though our Jacob is forgotten.  If you are uncomfortable referring to them as such, simply refer to them individually or as "the boys," or "the kids."
  
  

• Refer to Jacob often and by name.  Hearing his name is more comfort than you can imagine.
  
  

• Realize that talking about our loss might make us cry, but not talking about it will definitely hurt worse.  Know that tears are healing.  Feel free to shed some of your own, we know that we aren't the only ones who miss Jacob.
  
  

• Help us to remember Jacob in as many ways as possible.  Do not look down on our attempts to memorialize his brief life.
  
  

• Please don't expect us to get over our grief.  This is something we will never get over, but with time and help, the pain will someday be less intense.
  
  

• Allow us to tell you what we need as we grieve.  We are learning as we go and cannot anticipate our moods or needs.  However, we do need support from you through all of this.
  
  

• Remember, a loss is a loss no matter when or how it occurred. 
  
  

• Check this page often, we will add to it as we learn and experience more.  Realize that it is hard for us to talk about our loss if we feel the subject will make you uncomfortable. 
  
  

• Grief makes us very fragile, please handle us with care.  Be abundant with hugs - often words just don't comfort as touch does.
  

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