On Tuesday John Ashcroft officially resigned as attorney general of the United States, which came as a surprise to virtually nobody. Ashcroft had been hinting of leaving his post should President Bush gain a second term.

"I didn't think he'd actually pull it off," Ashcroft said on Tuesday, "but I've been wrong about public sentiments before."

Ashcroft first burst onto the national scene in the year 2000, when he famously lost a U.S. Senate seat to Missouri Governor Mel Carnahan, who had died in a plane crash a few weeks earlier. Losing, however, allowed President Bush to nominate him for the position of attorney general, provoking a great deal of controversy.

Democrats were concerned by Ashcroft's far right conservative views and religious beliefs. After a contentious hearing, he was approved by a 58-42 vote, the narrowest margin of victory for an attorney general in modern history.

Following the September 11, 2001 attacks on New York and Washington D.C., Ashcroft became the architect of the most controversial laws ever enacted under the Bush administration: the USA Patriot Act. Cited by many as the first step in a fire sale of civil rights, Ashcroft considered the act "a little soft. It really didn't tackle freedom of speech...and they cut out the part where I declared mandatory Christianity as a requirement for citizenship."

Ashcroft tendered his resignation to Bush in a five-page, handwritten letter which was read to the president by First Lady Laura Bush. In the letter Ashcroft stated that "The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved," to which President Bush stated "Dear God, he didn't believes that crap I was saying during the election, did he?"

Also given as reasons were Ashcroft's desire to spend time with his family and pursue the hobbies he loves so much, including singing and songwriting. The attorney general has recorded several patriotic songs written by himself, such as When An Eagle Soars and Last Night I Kicked A Liberal To Death. Other interests Ashcroft wants to pursue in private life are "fishing, witch hunting, and clothing naked statues."

Ashcroft will remain at his position until a replacement can be named. Although President Bush has not suggested any names, some have suggested that in an attempt to heal partisan divisions the president may nominate firebrand senator Zell Miller for the position.

Miller, a Democrat from Georgia, gave a seething, hateful rant on John Kerry at the Republican convention, pledging his support of President Bush. Following his performance he then challenged Hardball host Chris Matthews to a duel, causing many to question his sanity.