In an effort to make his four hour rants more interesting to children, Castro has replaced banners of communist leaders with more popular figures.
President Bush turned his rhetoric to Cuba on Monday, where he blasted the regime of Fidel Castro. Bush's reaction seems to be in response to former U.S. President Jimmy Carter visiting the communist island country and upstaging him on national and international news channels.
In recent days the Administration has tried to paint Cuba in an even harsher light, as if a 40 year dictatorship isn't bad enough. Despite the fact that terrorist detainees are housed at Camp X-Ray in Cuba, the Bush team has accused the nation of sponsoring terrorism. This after assurance from Castro and others in his government that any terrorists escaping the camp would be captured and returned to the Americans.
"Cuba was once a great, great place," Bush said in a speech at the White House, "where the Mob ran some great casinos before the revolution. It was also a great staging area for C.I.A. drug running, but the commie bastards put a stop to all that fun and profit too. Now it is part of my quadruple-axis of evil, along with Iran, Iraq and one of those Koreas."
Bush then noted how Castro made the C.I.A. look foolish during it's repeatedly bungled attempts on the Cuban dictator's life. He also mentioned the disasterous Bay of Pigs operation where C.I.A. trained and aided counter-revolutionaries failed in an effort to overthrow Castro.
"If not for Fidel Castro and that Ray of Figs, my daddy wouldn't have had to get all involved in killing President Kennedy. At least, that's what he told me at the time. Or something like that I'm sure."
Bush then confirmed that the U.S. boycott of all trade and travel to Cuba would continue. "Well-intentioned ideas about trade will merely prop up this dictator, enrich his cronies and enhance the totalitarian regime," Bush said, "and believe me, I know what I'm talkin' abouts from personal experience. If Dick Cheney and I could ever appear together again, I'm sure he'd agree with me."
The President refused to confirm rumors the vice president had been sighted at Fort Knox lugging heavy suitcases to a waiting helicopter, but said that if it were true "then I guess his bionic hearts must be working better, because that gold sure is heavy."
Bush closed by stating that "a great nation has been devestated by a tyrant. Elections mean nothing and only the inner circles of power gain wealth and advantage. Meanwhile the peoples suffer at the hands of corporate and military taskmasters who put money and global domination above the health and safety of all mankind. But you know, it's still better to live here than in Cuba."
