According to reports, Powell has taken offense at the attorney general's past comments and his treatment of minority employees in the Justice Department. Ashcroft, on the other hand, just enjoys beating up non-whites.

The White House denies reports of any ill feelings between the two officials.

"Nothing going on folks," stated press secretary Ari Fleischer, "I refer you to e-muck like Madness of King George for such nonsense."

Wise words indeed, as our sources have confirmed a fighting match has been scheduled. The no-holds-barred event, to be held at an undisclosed location, has the powerbrokers of DC on edge.

"There hasn't been this much tension in DC since Burr vs. Hamilton," claims famous historian Barbara Ella. In 1804 a duel occured between then vice president Aaron Burr and former treasury secretary Alexander Hamilton. Best known as "that guy on the ten dollar bill", Hamilton was fatally wounded by Burr's bullet and died the following day.

A few insiders claim Ashcroft, a 5-1 Vegas long shot, could emerge victorious by using dirty tricks, "redneck cunning", or getting drunk enough to go the distance. The majority of those polled, however, feel the same as longtime Washington resident Dirkie Dinkle.