MKG - Madness of King George Reporter Buck Naked
P43 - 43rd President of the United States George W. Bush

MKG: What was the first thing you did the morning after the election?

P43: Well, I'll tell you. I was excited and thrilled. It's a powerful thing to be the leader of the most powerful, prosperous nation. I had relations with Laura and called my father.

MKG: You called former President Bush after your, uh, intimacies with the First Lady?

P43: No, no. Consusecutively. The same time. I don't hide much from Poppy. That was his code name, you know? When he was in the CIA?

MKG: I see. Speaking of former Presidents, did you have any final words with President Clinton as he left office?

P43: Why yes I did. I looked him straight in the eye and told him "My Daddy was a better President than you, and I'm going to be even betterer." (snorting laughter)

MKG: What was his reaction to that?

P43: He sort of rolled his eyes and said "best of luck" or some other nonsense. I think he was stoned. Off the record? I found a roach clip in the top drawer of the desk.

MKG: Really? In the Oval Office?

P43: No, my desk back in Texas. When I was cleaning it out before I moved to Washington.

MKG: Now, this may seem a strange question, but I have to ask. There are rumors that one of the first things a new President is briefed on is the reality of UFOs and ETs. Any truth to that?

P43: Well, you must understand is that all briefings of the President are of uptmost secretocracy. I can't answer your question about those little bastards or why they covet ceramic lawn gnomes. You won't get nothing out of me, my lips are sealed.

MKG: Okay, fair enough. Now, you've been portrayed as a man who doesn't take criticism or parody of yourself easily. Is this true?

P43: Well, I'll tell you this. I'm not an evil man - I don't have an evil heart. I'm compassionate. But I'm not going to take any crap from anyone. Especially those internet lowlifes who feel it's their duty to dirty my image with distortions and lies. I'm not so sure about this internet thing you see. I mean, allowing people to say and do as they please what kind of nonsense is that?

MKG: Uh, some might say that would be liberty. I mean, the First Amendment allows for freedom of-

P43: (Angrily) Yes, yes. That can be changed. I'm considering what to do about that pornicopia of so-called freedom. I tell you, I knew the internet was trouble the day I learned Al Gore created it. Nothing good can come of it. Me and Ashcroft have got some ideas. You'll see.

MKG: Actually, I was sort of surprised I was able to get this interview with you.

P43: Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against respectable news organizations like yours. Time has been a quarterstone of this great county for years.

MKG: Actually sir, I'm not with Time. I thought you were aware I was from an internet e-zine, The Madness of King Geor-

P43: You no good son-of-a-bitch! I've heard about your website! I get briefed by the CIA about all you goddamn assholes every damn morning! Get out! I'll have your head on a spike for this!

Reporter Buck Naked vanished hours after he filed this interview with our office. Anyone with information concerning his whereabouts is encouraged to contact this e-zine.