Colin Powell resigns his position, ensuring that a voice of reason and sanity will be absent from President Bush's second term.
Abandon Ship

Secretary of State Colin Powell tendered his resignation to President Bush on Monday, becoming the latest in a string of officials fleeing the administration before it begins a second term. Also resigning on Monday were Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham, Agriculture Secretary Ann Veneman and Education Secretary Rod Paige.

Last week Attorney General John Ashcroft and Commerce Secretary Don Evans announced they would be leaving the administration as well. So far six of Bush's 15 member Cabinet have decided to step down.

Powell's departure was expected, since the moderate leaning 67 year-old was largely silenced and stiffled by the right wing idealogues that surround President Bush.

Speaking at a daily State Department briefing, Powell told reporters he'd only planned on serving one term anyway, "since none of us believed the president would have a chance in hell of getting re-elected."

Powell also denied he was leaving due to being slighted by the administration. "Slighted? No, I wouldn't say that at all," he said, "ignored, belittled, chastised and emasculated perhaps, but slighted? No."

Sources close to Powell admit that the Iraq war debacle was a major source of friction between the secretary and the neofascists of Bush's administration: Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz and Feith at the Pentagon as well as Vice President Cheney and National Secruity Advisor Condoleezza Rice.

A former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff during the first Gulf War under President Bush's father, Powell had sought U.N. approval for the current crisis but was derided by his critics within the administration.

Frustrated with how he was handled he once complained to the press that "in the military we're used to screw ups. We even have acronyms for them. You've heard of FUBAR and SNAFU? Both of those describe the way things are run by these morons."

Powell also took criticism for his appearance before the U.N. council with a vial of anthrax that was alleged to be potent enough to kill the entire world. The vial was later revealed to be high grade cocaine taken from President Bush's desk in the Oval Office.

Although the president hasn't mentioned names, one potential nominee for Powell's position is Condoleezza Rice, although sources say she would prefer to become secretary of defense should Donald Rumsfeld resign or be forced to resign in the coming year.

"You can't really have anyone killed as secretary of state," Rice commented on Fox News, "so that's a bit of a negative. Either way, no matter what job I'm offered, I'll give the president any war he wants, any time he wants it, and any place he wants it fought."

When asked if he was planning on stepping down Rumsfeld answered that it was "one of those known unknowns. That is to say, I know that I don't know. However, there are also unknown knowns, so perhaps I just don't know it yet."