Buried Alive
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Life for me is a cement slab
I awake each day with
Sore emotions, headache and
An inevitable future to look forward to
Living in a steel tomb
Has robbed me of life
Of walking-of talking
When I’m dead on the inside
When I cry, my tears
Smash against the concrete
Like shotgun shells……’cause
The only things that keep me alive
Are my fears and
A banana clip of anger
My thoughts are too thick for words
When they are light enough to speak
They still bleed from my mouth
So half the time I remain silent
Rather than bleed truth
That brings pain
On all the ones that care for me
Some might say that’s not real
But I can’t live with my mother’s tears
She sees what’s real
Seaping between my lips and
Splashing all over my chest and
If that was real
I’d be a bloody mess
I guess- I’ve said too much as it is and
I feel weak in the knees
So let me catch a seat..
’cause
The more I talk
The more I bleed
…………On this photo of you at this Huntsville Prison Museum ……it was my first time ever hearing of something like that!! I mean, what kind of town would have a damn “prison museum”??! Come on!! That’s just too much. But, I do see why they call it a museum, though; to attract tourists to their (Texas’) #1 industry, which is captivity & slave labor. As I read the back of your photo & what you said “J. in a cage”- & I looked back at the photo, (as I’m now), I could only smile& shake my head in wonder of how devious &deceitful the state of Texas is. From what I see in the photo, that looks like a five star hotel penthouse suite!! My cage looks nothing like that!! The painted walls, alone, makes your “cage” look regal. Here the paint has peeled to reveal the concrete walls beneath them…the stool you sit upon, positioned for the small desk, would be a great addition here. Your cage actually looks tolerable. But, when I say “cage” for here, I do not exaggerate… not at all. The next time you are able to go into a zoo to visit…go & make sure to visit the lion’s & tiger’s cages… & that will show you exactly what I mean. That’s reality here, on Texas death row. The place you were in, that “museum”, that’s fantasy…”Disney World” … But I thank you, for putting yourself into a position to try to understand what being in a cage is like… even for you, I think it’s hard to imagine; imagine yourself in that place (“cage”) for 23 hours everyday, or a little less, if you are lucky to have someone visit you for a couple of hours out of the week! Now, take away the photo on the wall, then the majority of the paint in places to make it look as if an insane person had been there & trying to claw his way out through the paint until he came to the solid & unmovable concrete underneath……take away the stool at the table… there is only unpainted steel of your bunk & toilet to sit on…remove the top bunk…now, add cracks within the concrete in the ceiling & corners of the cage…add ants coming out of these cracks when it gets hot…(as it is now) , add spiders here & there, hiding in the far reaches behind your bunk, in the corners you cannot get to… add a rat or two to place outside the cage, for they make their homes in holes under the stairs & dart out, every now & then, for a couple of crackers that some idiot encourages them with, for entertainment, feeding them, not realizing it’s unsanitary & a health hazard!!...add rain coming through the cracks & your cage floor totally flooded because of it, unless you use your only shower towel to mop it up with, then you have no towel to dry off with because you are only allowed one every other day (Mon.- Wed.- Fri.) & must turn in one to receive another in turn, so, you’re stuck with this wet, stinky towel until one of those days mentioned comes….then, on top of not having a towel or having one (it doesn’t matter) imagine an ice-cold shower…for 2 weeks straight!! Pretty picture, huh? Now considering all that I have mentioned…take away the soup you had on the desk, the hot pot, the radio, bowl…because 25% of us here on death row doesn’t have those things, being on levels 2 & 3…imagine getting fed over or undercooked meals, with a child’s portion, eggs with shells in them, chicken damn near raw, milk & beans spoiled, …imagine losing at least 15-30 pounds from malnutrition…no visits, guards harassing you, goon squads of “zombie wolves” running in on you, being sprayed & drenched by chemical “dragon’s breath”, having it rubbed in your eyes, your privates, everywhere!!...you are on fire!!...I think, I’ve painted a vivid enough picture, yes?.......