**Warning(Cast for DTV**): (I have these people's permission to use them in DTV) The Star/Host: Doozer. Co-Stars: Dusty, Yojin Musahiri, and The Dude, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch. Other Cast Members: Dazz, Genecide, and Wreck. Guest Star: None. ***DARE Program Coming Soon: We already have FIVE applications!!! Dare to keep people of Donuts... Donut Abuse Resistance Education... You can sign up for it... Fill out Doozer's App... If you join his DARE Program, you are automatically a Member of the Cast on DTV*** (As the credits for yet another great "Celebrity Death-Match" play, the voice of Bert, the MTV News Reporter Desk man Guy thingy is heard.) Bert: Wow, I mean, just wow. Damn, what a great "Celebrity Death-Match." I never would have thought that Long Dong Silver had such a deadly three foot wang. He actually poked they eye out of Rodney Dangerfield!!! That was just nasty. Anyway, next up is the Fifth Episode of Doozer Television. Last time on Doozer Television, Doozer and The Gang solved Two of their Six Mysteries that are unsolved. They solved the mystery of "Is Wreck Gay or Not?" Concluding that he is not and they also solved the mystery of "Who is the man who talks in orange words that only retards can talk to and is he real?" Well, the found out by smoking themselves into retardation that he is real and he is a pretty cool guy. Well, they were scheduled to keep on solving the mysteries, but as results of Doozer winning DWF's Hardcore Championship on Doom Fights, they are going to have a celebration. If they have enough time during the long three hour show, then they might start solving the mysteries again, but since Doozer did win the third highest ranked belt in the Dream Wrestling Federation, that is very doubtful that they will have any time left over. Now, to Doozer Television!!! (The "Urban Assault Vehicle" remix of "Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit, DMX, Method Man, and Redman plays as clips of Doozer winning the Hardcore Title are shows. As well as clips of Extremist winning the LightWeight Title and Hardcore Kinch beating Lone Rebel and Dusty retaining his People's Championship and Dazz showing up as the BB Gun Shooter are all shown from Doom Fights and the screen quickly switches over to...) Doozer: *holding his Hardcore Championship in his hand with pride* Well, you damn right, The Dooze is in the house and he is the Dream Wrestling Federation Hardcore Champion. Man, I really hate to say this, but I took away Big Shot's most prestieged prize and smashed his dream about being the longest reigning Hardcore Champ and I am loving every second of it baby. See, when I get a title, I usually let go of it after three or four defenses. The only title that I have held on to for two months, is the Tag Team Titles. I held them one month with Mike Robinson and one month by myself. Well, now that I have a well-respected belt and one that is worthy to go around my waist, I am going to be keeping it for as long as I can. I am going to take Big Shot's dream and make it into my own. I want to be the longest reigning Hardcore Champion to embrace the greatness of the DWF. Now, I have mentioned a tag team and a stable which would be formed at Doom Fights and well, they both were. You are seeing myself and Extremist tagging up to be "Extreme Satisfaction" and myself, Extremist, and Hardcore Kinch taking sides to make the best damn stable in DWF with only three wrestlers in "Extreme Cruelty." See, as myself, Hardcore Kinch, and Extremist view it the word "Extreme" is underestimated. The word "Cruelty" sounds to nice. But, together us three men create... Extreme Cruelty. Doozer: Well, for all you people watching at home, today we are not going to have a "Home of the Homies" or a "Boyz 'N The Hood" or "Talkin' Shit." No, today is just going to be one big celebration. Maybe, if we have time to solve some DTV Mysteries that are unsolved then we will fit that in at the end of the show. But, this is going to be a great big celebration. Not only for me winning the Hardcore Title at Doom Fights. But, for Extremist winning the LightWeight Championship. Dusty retaining the People's Championship. Hardcore Kinch kicking ass on Doom Fights. Dazz and his suprise. Wreck for not being gay. Genecide for... being himself... and a lot of other stuff like that. So, this celebration is going to be long and fun. We gonna be maxing, relaxing, kicking back, you know we do it. Dusty: Doggy style? Doozer: No, I didn't mean how I have sex with women. I was just saying that like an expression instead of saying everything else that I do. Dusty: Oh... I don't get it... Yojin Musahiri: Don't worry, moron. We don't expect you to get anything really. It comes naturally to us now. When we say something we just automatically say to ourselves, "Dusty isn't gonna get it." Dusty: Well, that isn’t real nice you poop head. Yeah, you heard what I called you. I called you a poop head. Yojin Musahiri: What’s that mean? You want to go? I am not scared of some big fat ass retard who doesn’t have the capability to swear. Doozer: Hey, this is a celebration show. No fighting… that is unless I say you can. The Dude: Hey, Doozer when is this party gonna start? Doozer: As soon as all the guests come. The Dude: Who are the guests? Doozer: Uh, we have the co-stars and cast of DTV for guests. Chris Rock was invited and Vince Carter of the Toronto Raptors. Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit and DMX were also invited. Plus, a bunch of nobodies were welcomed to come and join if they wanted. Dusty: Cool, I just have one question… Yojin Musahiri: What is that? Dusty: Hey, I have a question. You wait your turn to ask your question. Now, my question is that how could they be nobodies? I mean, they are somebody right? Doozer: Ugh, I hate being surrounded by a retard twenty four seven. Yeah, they might be somebody, but what I meant by nobodies was that they weren’t famous or anything. Dusty: Oh, and some crap licker named after three stupid letters is? Yojin Musahiri: You just called DMX a crap licker? Doozer: Damn, DMX is one of the best man. He raps with the best of them. Ya know? DMX, the one with the awesome bark? The one who says "what" in that cool way? Dusty: Oh… now I know who you are talking about… DMX, the doggy guy… that barks and stuff… Yojin Musahiri: Damn, he doesn’t even know who DMX is. He is more retarded than I though. The Dude: I know. *laughs* Doozer: Uh, Dude, sorry to break this to you buddy, but you aren’t exactly one to talk. Yojin, I wonder how much money we could get for sending these two to the mental institute? Yojin Musahiri: I think it is fifty dollars each. Doozer: Wow, so we should be able to get at lest two hundred for these two guys. Yojin Musahiri: Yeah, pretty much. Doozer: Alright, it is about time for the celebration, people should be coming in now. (Suddenly, Dazz walks into the house. Then, Wreck and Genecide walk in. After a little bit Chris Rock, DMX, Fred Durst, and Vince Carter all walk into Doozer’s big house.) Dusty: Alright orange guy, I think we know who they are. You don’t have to say that. (Yes, I do. It is my job so you just shut your cake hole.) Dusty: Did you say cake? Fred Durst: Is that f(censored)cking retard talking to his imaginary friend? Dazz: No, actually he is talking to a voice that talks in orange words that only retards can hear. DMX: *in that cool way* What? Vince Carter: Yeah, I mean how do you guys know that only retards can hear him if you aren’t retarded? Doozer: Simple, we smoked ourselves into retardation and talked to him. He was pretty damn cool. Fred Durst: Sweet, you got any of that sh(censored)t left? Yojin Musahiri: No, we smoked it all man. Chris Rock: Damn, what do you call an event with a bunch of white guys and only three black guys? Genecide: I don’t know, what? Chris Rock: This party right here. DMX: You mean, the "Party Up" in here? Doozer: That is a kick ass song, but not as good as "Rollin’" by Limp Bizkit. Fred Durst: Yeah dawg… Doozer: So, what do you guys want to do here? Dazz: I say we get the party started. (Everybody else agrees and Doozer hits a button on his wall. Suddenly, maids and butlers come in with thirty packs of beer and set them all over the place. Then, they move in a bunch of new furniture and decorate with signs that say, "Go Doozer!!!" and "Hooray for Dusty." After putting up one for every single guest, Doozer sits at one long couch with two thirty packs of beer. Fred Durst, DMX, and Chris Rock take another huge couch with two thirty packs of their own. Dusty, The Dude, and Vince Carter sit down on their huge couch with one thirty pack of beer, it only takes Dusty two beers to get him drunk. Lastly, Yojin Musahiri, Genecide, and Wreck all sit down at their couch with two thirty packs of beer. The four couches seating twelve people all together form a square and there are a bunch of different kinds of games in the middle of all the couches.) Fred Durst: *while drinking a beer, he’s already on his third* Man, this is some cool sh(censored)t here. What games are we going to play? Dusty: *still not even half done his first beer* I don’t know, but I am getting messed up. I usually only drink Zima. Vince Carter: Well, the quicker you pass out, the more beer for me and The Dude. Right, Dude? (Vince looks over to The Dude who has drunken thirteen beers already and is really drunk.) Fred Durst: *on his ninth beer* Wow, Dude can really chug them down like nothing. DMX: *on his eleventh beer* Hey, if I wanted to… I could beat his ass in a beer drinking competition. Doozer: *on his twenty-second beer* I am just getting a buzz. Dusty: *on his second* Holy momma, I’m almost out… I feel like I’m gonna... puke, but... I want... to play... a game… Doozer: Alright, which one do you want to play? Dicktionary… Genecide: *on his eighth beer* I think it’s called Pictionary. Doozer: That’s what I said… DMX: No man, you just said dicktoinary. Doozer: Whatever, pictionary or dicktoinary. They are the same thing. Yojin Musahiri: Sweetness, look who's here!!! (You walk through the door. Everybody is happy to see you as you come in.) Doozer: What's up dawg? Man, I'm happy to see you here. We can't think of a game to play... sit down here side me and chose a game man. (You sit beside Doozer and swig back a couple cold ones. Then, you go to choose the game.)
