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Season One
Marge: All right children. Let me have those letters. I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole.
Bart: Oh, please. There's one fat guy that brings us presents and his name ain't Santa.

Homer: Doc, this is all too much. I mean, my son a genius-- how does it happen?
Dr. Pryor: Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment... Pryor sees Homer staring blankly Uh...although in some cases it's a total mystery.

Mr. Burns: And make yourselves at home.
Bart: Hear that Dad? You can lie around in you underwear and scratch yourself.

Apu: You look familiar, sir. Are you on the television or something?
Homer: Sorry, buddy. You got me confused with Fred Flintstone.
Season Two
Homer: I'm just a big fool.
Karl: Oh no, you're not!
Homer: How do you know?
Karl: Becase my mother taught me never to kiss a fool!
Karl kisses Homer on the mouth.
Homer: Karl...
Karl: Now go fet'em tiger. Karl pats Homer on the rear as he runs out.

Bart: No way! She's faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.
Lisa: If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.
Bart: Fine. Then confuse to himself Wait a minute. If Lisa goes to school then I go to school, but then Lisa stays home so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school...
Marge: Lisa, don't conguse your brother like that.

Marge: My quilt! Six generations, ruined!
Homer: How Marge, honey, honey, honey. Come on. Come on, don't get upset. It's not the end of the world. We all loved the quilt, but you can't get too attached to.. He sees his cookie note on the bed, surrounded by crumbs. Guuuah! My cookie! This is not happening! This is no happening! Everybody in the kitchen! We're having a family meeting!
Season Three
Smithers: Sir, there may never be another tie to say... I love you,sir.
Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thank you for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkard.

Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer: Why you little---!

Apu: He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.
Season Four
Bart: Hey, where's Homer?
Marge: Your father is...resting.
Bart: "Resting" hung over? "Resting" got fired? Help me out here.

Homer: You're as cute as a bug's ear.
Lisa: Fathers have to say that stuff Grampa walks by
Homer: Dad, am I cute as bug's ear?
Grampa: No! You're as homely as a mule's butt!
Homer: to Lisa There, see?
Season Five
Bart: Hello, alternative to testing!
Ned: Well, it's Bart Simpson! C'mon in! You're just in time for "Sponge-Bath the Old Folks Day."
Jasper: Help yourself, but stay above the equater.

Bart: Thinking aloud.Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him, and he'll say no. Then it'll be his fault.
Homer: Thinking aloudI don't want to go, so if he asks me to go I'll just say yes.
Homer's Brain: Wait, are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?
Homer: Shut up, or I'll stub yoiu with a Q-tip

Burns: Aw, my belved plant. HOw I miss her-blah! To hell with this. Get my razors! Draw a bath! Get these Kleenex boxes off my feet!
Smithers: Certainly, sir. And the jars of urine?
Burns: Oh, we'll hang on to those