Johnny C.
"Ooooh. Oh my god... It's God!!"
"It hurts me to look at you."
"Where the fuck is the bactine!!"
"Any pile of stunted growth unaware that entertainment is just that and nothing more, deserves to doom themselves to some dank cell, somewhere, for having been so stupid!! Movies, books, T.V., music - they're all just entertainment, not guidebooks for damning yourself!"
"Fook!"
"It's possible that I'm quite horrendously insane. That's the fuck of it; you know, the old thing about the crazy person who never knows they're crazy. It could just be an inperceptible shifting of accepted realities. It's all really interesting."
"And so, irritants, it is with this that I leave you. You are spared so that you can think of what it really is to live in a world that engenders a pain for which there is no comfort. Here is your product! You have the rest of your lives to think of this. And I suggest you think quickly, for a long life is never a guarantee."

Happy Noodle Boy
"Moo moo moo! I'm voodoo cursing you!"
"Fucking doughnut!! Mock me? You fried cyclops!!"
"Yum. Air!"
"Meow."
"Shut up!! Demon weasel!"
"I am chock-full of karate chop action!"
"Those shoes with that dress!! What were you thinking?!"
"Bow down!! Or I will unleash my zoinky army of surly crack-babies!"