Chapter 12: The town of losers (Dayton?) or In Which DudeZero constantly gets the crap beat from him

The five patrons of the anime arts were cruising down the highway, being bored out of their minds.

"When are we going to find another turnoff?" SilverWolf said, peeved, after watching the video of her possessmentation about five-hundred times already.

"Hopefully never." Winter said. SilverWolf gave her a slanty eyed glance.

"Where are we?" Nikkia said. As if heeding her call, a sign popped up, reading, "The land of dropped and/or background characters" Nikkia nodded, "Oh." She said, "That explains it." She finished. DragonGirl gaped as the background abruptly changed from idyllic cliffside to broken down town.

"Heyyy!" DragonGirl said, "Isn’t this Corel, you know, where Barret is from?" They all looked around noticing that it was, but much, much larger.

"Look!" Winter said, pointing, "It’s Saionji!" They looked. It was. He waved, and so did Anjel. They pulled over.

"Do you want to come?" they asked Anjel. She shook her head.

"Maybe later, I am just fine here." She smiled. DragonGirl looked jealous, but then shrugged.

"If that’s the way you want it," she said. Nikkia drove away, through the main streets.

"Hey, look!" Nikkia shouted, "Isn’t that Duplika from Pokemon?" They looked at the haggard remnants of the girl and her ditto.

"All right, suddenly I’m sick of this town." Winter said, the rest nodded. Nikkia gunned the engines eliciting a squeal of protest from the newly reintegrated Akio-car. They zoomed at speeds unknown to normal cars (after all, this is the Akio-car), finally passing through the town. The Akio-car slowed, and stopped, refusing to go any farther.

"Stupid Akio-car!" Nikkia said, pumping the gas.

"WHAT!" SilverWolf said. Nikkia looked back at her.

"SilverWolf, your dangerously close to obsessiveness!" DragonGirl warned. SilverWolf sat back, looking disgruntled. All of a sudden, a giant machine-thing with spiky wheels drove up behind them. DragonGirl gasped.

"What?" Winter said.

"It’s that boss!" DragonGirl yelled. Yes, it was the boss that came right after the many bosses of the shinra building in Final Fantasy 7.

"It came here after that was over!" she said. Nikkia gulped.

"Well, whatever it is, it don’t look friendly. Got any weapons in there?" she asked. DragonGirl dug out her (takes breath) randomly random, exceptionally useful, deceptively small, mary poppins-esque, item filled, magical, randomly random random backpack and began rooting in it for weapons. She pulled out a random sword.

"Ah, this must be yours." DragonGirl said, handing the dragon hilted sword to SilverWolf, who smiled. DragonGirl rooted some more.

"Ah, here it is." She said, pulling out a random bo. She dug some more, finally pulling out a gun.

"Where did this come from?" she asked rhetorically. Nikkia whistled, "Is this Vincent Valentine’s?" DragonGirl asked. Nikkia shrugged.

"I frisked him," she said. DragonGirl made a face and handed the gun to Nikkia. Winter looked disappointed.

"Don’t you have something for me?" she asked. DragonGirl sighed, digging once more.

"Here’s something." She said, handing Winter a glove. Winter gave her a look.

"It’s got materia!" she said, pointing to a random lightning materia. Winter shrugged. They all vaulted out of the car, experiencing a bout of vertigo.

"I hate that." DragonGirl said. A random screeny-do appeared at the bottom, reading all their names and attacks.

"So, let’s kick its arse!" Nikkia shouted, shooting at it. It creaked and moaned, for it had already been beaten once, by the dreamy Cloud and his followers.

"Yay!" Winter yelled. SilverWolf brought her sword onto it. They commenced boring beating scenes until the stupid thing left and they did their various ‘yay, we won’ things. They all piled into the car.

"All right, everyone give me their weapons for safe keeping." DragonGirl said. They handed over the weapons, all except Nikkia.

"I like it!" she protested, but then gave it over. They started up the car, DragonGirl in the driver’s seat. The car started without protest.

"Looks like it likes me better." DragonGirl said.

"Well, maybe, but we both know it wouldn’t allow SilverWolf to drive it." They both laughed.

"Doubtful." Jasper said, having kept up on his owner’s escapades. They drove on, looking for exits. They passed a guy holding up a sign reading, Will allow self to be beat for transportation. Winter pointed.

"That sounds fun." She said. SilverWolf gave her a look, "What? It does." DragonGirl squinted. Her jaw dropped.

"Oh, no, it’s DudeZero." She moaned.

"Who?" SilverWolf said.

"DudeZero, as in big zero?" SilverWolf nodded.

"Shouldn’t we stop to pick him up? He looks so sad and…..stupid." He did, of course, with a stupid smile plastered on his face. DragonGirl sighed and zoomed on.

"Hey, come back here, bitches!" DudeZero yelled. DragonGirl put the Akio-car into reverse, and backed up.

"Excuse me?" she asked. His eyes went wide.

"I, um, said, uh, get back here, duh, witches, no, that’s not right…" he trailed off. DragonGirl got out of the car.

"What did you say?" she asked, raising her fist. A red belt randomly appeared on her body.

"N-nothing.." DudeZero said. DragonGirl raised a random mallet that randomly appeared from her pocket, and brought it down on DudeZero’s head. He fell, stricken. He sat up.

"Ow." He said. DragonGirl put away her random mallet, and her belt dematerialized.

"That was fun. OK, you’re in." she said, "Get in the back back seat." She said, gesturing at the back of the Akio-car which had randomly expanded into three sections. DudeZero nodded,

"Cool car." He said.

"It’s the Akio-car!’ SilverWolf said with otakuical adoration. DudeZero was confused.

"Akio-car?" he asked. Winter thrust transcripts of their last 11 adventures in his face,

"Here, catch up." She said. SilverWolf thrust various anime videos at him.

"Here, comprehend it." She said. Nikkia thrust an empty glass at him.

"Here, make me a random iced drink." DudeZero smiled vacantly.

"Hai, sama!" He said with a horrible accent. The cat jumped out from under the chair.

"We don’t speak Japanese here!" he said.

"Cat talks?" he asked. The rest nodded, "cool." He said. DragonGirl rolled her eyes.

"Hooray, more people." She said sarcastically. They got onto the main road.

DudeZero laughed.

"Ha! Capitulate!" he said randomly. Winter leaned back with a random mallet,

"Shut up!" she yelled hitting him with it. He rubbed his head.

"Yeah, and where’s my random iced drink!" Nikkia yelled. DragonGirl rolled her eyes as he passed it up, "mmm, brew!" she said. The rest looked at her, "What?" she yelled, "It’s iced tea." DragonGirl randomly burst into laughter. The rest stared. She stopped.

"Next exit we go in." SilverWolf said.

"Sure. There it is!" DragonGirl said, pointing to a sign. SilverWolf looked dismayed.

"Damn, I was willing to bet it would be a legit anime!" She cursed. DragonGirl shrugged. The Akio-car and it’s now 6 occupants turned into the exit reading, ‘Kiki’s delivery service’ SilverWolf rolled her eyes.

"Great, next we’re going to be going to my neighbor Totoro!" she whined, "Can we go back to Bubblegum Crisis?" DragonGirl sighed.

"After this, OK?" She said, frustrated. DudeZero laughed again,

"Ha ha! Hornifying!" he yelled. DragonGirl rolled her eyes as a glass half full of ‘brew’ flew over his head, nearly hitting him. It was gonna be a long trip.

TO BE CONTINUED