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ANNOUNCER (FRED CASELY): And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango. | |
| Scene 3 | |
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Inside the Jail. Six chairs on stage. (VELMA, LIZ, ANNIE, JUNE, HUNYAK & MONA take positions on chairs) "CELL BLOCK TANGO" VELMA: ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE ANNIE: SIX JUNE: SQUISH HUNYAK: UH-UH VELMA: CICERO MONA: LIPSCHITZ! LIZ: POP ANNIE: SIX JUNE: SQUISH HUNYAK: UH-UH VELMA: CICERO MONA: LIPSCHITZ! LIZ: POP ANNIE: SIX JUNE: SQUISH HUNYAK: UH-UH VELMA: CICERO MONA: LIPSCHITZ! LIZ: POP ANNIE: SIX JUNE: SQUISH HUNYAK: UH-UH VELMA: CICERO MONA: LIPSCHITZ! ALL: HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT VELMA: I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! LIZ: POP ANNIE: SIX JUNE: SQUISH HUNYAK: UH-UH VELMA: CICERO MONA: LIPSCHITZ! | |
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LIZ: You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Bernie. Bernie liked to chew gum. No, not chew. POP. Well, I came home this one day and I am really irritated, and looking for a little sympathy and there’s Bernie layin’ on the couch, drinkin’ a beer and chewin’. No, not chewin’. Poppin’. So I said to him, I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time…" and he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots… into his head! |
GIRLS: HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! |
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ALL: HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE HEARD IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME | |
| ANNIE: I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was single and we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He’d go to work, he’d come home, I’d mix him a drink, we’d have dinner. Well, it was like heaven in two and a half rooms. And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married, oh no, he had six wives. One of those Mormons you know. So that night, when he came home, I mixed him his drink as usual. You know, some guys just can’t hold their arsenic. LIZ, ANNIE, JUNE, MONA: HAH! HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE TOOK A FLOWER IN ITS PRIME AND THEN HE USED IT AND HE ABUSED IT IT WAS MURDER BUT NOT A CRIME JUNE: (matter-of-factly) Now, I’m standing in the kitchen carvin’ up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage. "You been screwin’ the milkman" he says. He was crazy and he kept screamin’ "You been screwin’ the milkman!" And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times! |
GIRLS: HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! VELMA & HUNYAK: Pop, six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz GIRLS: Pop, six, Squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz Pop, six, Squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz Pop, six, Squish, uh-uh, Cicero, Lipschitz |
| ALL: IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! HUNYAK: Mit keresek, én itt? Azt mondjok, hogy, a hires lakem lefgota a férjemet en meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem tudom mert monja Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. Probaltam a rendorsegen megmagyzranzni de nem ertettek meg… JUNE: Yeah, but did you do it? HUNYAK: UH UH, not guilty! | |
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VELMA: My sister, Veronica, and I did this double act and my husband, Charlie, travelled around with us. Now for the last number in our act we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row, one, two, three, four, five… splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops one right after the other. Well this one night we were in Cicero, the three of us sitting up in the Hotel room, boozin’ and havin’ a few laughs and we ran out of ice, so I went out to get some. I come back, open the door there’s Veronica and Charlie doing no.17 - the Spread Eagle! Well, I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked-out. I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead. THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG I DIDN’T DO IT, BUT IF I’D DONE IT HOW COULD YOU TELL ME THAT I WAS WRONG? VELMA: THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG I DIDN’T DO IT, BUT IF I’D DONE IT HOW COULD YOU TELL ME THAT I WAS WRONG? MONA: I loved Alvin Lipschitz. More than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy… sensitive…a painter. But he was troubled. He was always trying to find himself He’d go out every night to looking for himself and on the way he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving. I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences. He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead. ALL: THE DIRTY BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM THE DIRTY BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM LIZ, ANNIE, MONA: THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG ‘CAUSE IF THEY USED US AND THEY ABUSED US HOW COULD YOU TELL US THAT WE WERE WRONG? HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! |
GIRLS: HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME UF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING... GIRLS: THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING THEY TOOK A FLOWER IN ITS PRIME AND THEN THEY USED IT AND THEY ABUSED IT IT WAS MURDER BUT NOT A CRIME! GIRLS: HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! VELMA, JUNE, HUNYAK: THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING THEY HAD IT COMING ALL ALONG ‘CAUSE IF THEY USED US AND THEY ABUSED US HOW COULD YOU TELL US THAT WE WERE WRONG? HE HAD IT COMING HE HAD IT COMING HE ONLY HAD HIMSELF TO BLAME IF YOU’D HAVE BEEN THERE IF YOU’D HAVE SEEN IT I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! |
| LIZ: You pop that gum one more time! ANNIE: Single my ass! JUNE: Ten Times! HUNYAK: Miért csukott Uncle Sam bortonbe. VELMA: Number Seventeen – The Spread Eagle! MONA: Artistic Differences! ALL: I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME! | |