Latefah Alkanderi: Marriage Paper

Marriage is binding religious contract between a male and female. There is a clear Qur’anic basis for the marriage relationship, how it looks, what’s involved, and what is expected of both parties.When we get married, we make a personal commitment to this contract. The reward is that we are able to find comfort and security in each other, and that we experience unconditional love and great compassion, in order that, together, we fulfill each other’s human needs.

Family Mission Statement
	Both husbands and wives continue to be both students and teachers throughout our lives. Marriage is not an unchanging condition. It is a journey that requires that we each grow and renew our knowledge, spirit, and skills throughout our lives. The health of the relationship depends on our ability to share these features with each other.
	Happiness springs from our own heart. It is not something that comes from outside ourselves, and we cannot depend on others to make us happy.
	The success of a marriage can only be determined by the two partners in the marriage. You can have very little materially, but a great amount of love and happiness in your household and, as long as the family members are satisfied, then the marriage is a success.
	Marriage partners must look for the best in each other. Be optimistic. You love this person. Be proactive and creative.
	Sometimes, we make mistakes. If we want to be forgiven, we need to practice forgiving others. Know when to offer advice and when to wait.
	Do not forget the power of principles such as trust and kindness.
	Do we have clear vision of our mission? What are the goals you set when you married, and what do you want for the future? Is everything you do a confirmation of that mission?
	What we can learn from our children?
	It our duty to act and reflect as much as we can on this Ayah:
"وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُون" (الروم-21)

And among His Signs is this:
that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect (30:21).
This shows how we have been created for the purpose of joining together in the marriage relationship, that it should be peaceful, and that we approach it with love and mercy in our hearts.
This shows how we have been created for the purpose of joining together in the marriage relationship, that it should be peaceful, and that we approach it with love and mercy in our hearts.

1.	Create an Islamic environment within the family
2.	Inspire each other to grow spiritually and intellectually
3.	There needs to be an atmosphere of love, kindness, and the freedom to express one’s self openly in the home for the family members to thrive.
4.	All of the family members have certain responsibilities within the family unit to ensure that it operates smoothly.
5.	Life presents many opportunities to learn and grow, and we all need to feel free to seek new knowledge and share it within the family.
6.	The ultimate goal for each of us is to take these principles beyond our family unit in order to nurture society, as a whole.

Honest and Open Meeting
It is critical to be honest and open here. This exercise will only work if both partners are truthful and committed to the success of the conversation.
1.	What is your family’s mission?
2.	Ask husband: What do you want from me, as a wife, mother, friend, etc.? Make a list.
3.	Share with your husband what you want from him as a husband, father, friend, etc. Make a list.
4.	Compare your lists. First, acknowledge all of the things that the other is doing that please you, then discuss the items where one felt that something was missing.