THE NO PIRATES SIGN IS IN EFFECT
+#+
(continued from here).
MON. SEPT. 17th 2001 - this dumm thing happened today - I was trying to make a tape for Maryann & I was taping over a borrowed tape that had the Black Crowes on it. & I'd taped a bunch of songs when I left the record on after the end of a song & recorded the beginning of the next one & I played the tape back to get it back to the right place. & the song I was looking for the end of was "Train Kept A-Rollin" by Precious Few, & I rewound the tape a few seconds & there was a version of that song. But, a different version. It hadn't erased the stuff that was on the tape before so the Black Crowes can still be heard in the background & as soon as the Precious Few version of that song ends it emerges into the foreground & at that point it is that same song & it does a cool segue from the mixed up (2 versions at once) crazy version to the dull Cactus/Foghat style version! oo-ee-oo spooky! I didn't already know there was a version of that song on the Black Crowes LP before either, I had never listened to it.
WEDNES. SEPT. 26th 2001 - hey sorry I haven't been talking to y'all lately! kind of hung up. Read any good bks or anything, no not much. I'm reading "A Pagan Place" by Edna O'Brien at the moment tho', it's good.
SAT. SEPT. 29th 2001 - IT'S NOT COMING BACK!
SUN. SEPT. 30th - Who cares there's a war on, I got problems of my own. I'd like to apologise to anyone else who is affected.
TUES. OCT 2nd - My most important thoughts & deeds can not be shared here yet. But, they are very important!
WEDNES. OCT 3rd - OK I do get to hear some new music, in the evenings I listen to 90.5 Tahu FM...it's lame in the daytime but in the evening it plays all my favourite modern songs like y'know that Nivea one & that Mary J. Blige one with the violins & "Candy" by Foxy Brown & that kind of stuff, yay.
SAT. OCT 6th - I am at my mother's house in Timaru, there is nobody here except me & her. She can tell that I am suffering from a broken heart but she can't tell that I am hanging out off a dope habit.
SUN. OCT 7th - I drove into town in the fine drizzling rain in my mother's car listening to a tape that has Love's "Forever Changes" & Radio Birdman's "Burn My Eye" e.p. & stuff. Radio Birdman was one of my absolute favourite bands when I was approx. 17-22 & hearing music that evoked my past while driving thru my home town was just more stuff that made me feel the pressure of so many years of meaningless crap...men think life is meaningless, they don't see that the meaning of life is love...Christians see that, that's why in the modern age we must hate them most of all!
MON. OCT. 8th - (BEING RUDE TO YR PARENTS/COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN)
THURS. OCT. 11th - hmmm, somethin I was suppose to be doin' tonight, what was it? Oh yeah our band was suppose to be playing, yeah hey I'm sorry (for those few of you to whom it meant anything), I can't make it, I am in an extremely fragile mental/physical/emotional state & have spent most of my stay in this town lying on a bunch of cushions crying. Rock'n'roll!
TUES. OCT. 16th - so the Space Dust tour never happened, I went to Auckland & like I said I just spent my few days there in a complete mess. I left there on Friday & flew to Chch., to Timaru on Saturday, back here on Sunday. It's been raining most of the time I been back.
SAT. OCT. 20th - I'm in Christchurch. I drove up here yesterday & last night I hung out with Ricko & Nick & Tom & drank beer & cruised the strip. The streets were full of young people in shiny new cheaply made made clothes with red eyes & reeking breath. Did we fit in? no. Did we "score"? no.
MON. OCT. 22nd - you know how I never mention the war?...yes I must seem pathetic to you, wallowing in myopic self-pity in such times. I just haven't had much to say about it, I guess.
WEDNES. OCT. 24th - it's about 4 in the a.m., I did a radio show this evening with Lynton on Radio Lyttleton (Tuesday Night Service! 9 p.m. Tues.! 88.5 FM! Listen to it if you live in Lyttleton) & I bet NOBODY even heard it but it was cool. Lynton had an echo pedal & a phaser pedal & we played stuff through those & played 2, 3 things at the same time & all that kind of shit...music incl. : Stockhausen, Milford Graves, "Telstar", "Nut Rocker", Humble Pie's "30 Days In The Hole", & of course Tony Valens & the Incisions. After we finished the station goes back onto autopilot & the 1st song they played was a Bryan Adams song, I can't remember what one but not one of the ones I like. (i.e. not "Cuts Like A Knife").
FRI. OCT. 26th - in chch i spend a lot of my time in the daytime alone, i hang out in public spaces like the library & computer labs & stuff 'cause i got no home to go to & i don't feel like imposing myself on people. or them on me (even more importantly).
(night time) I went out to see bands tonight but I couldn't stand being in a pub for long & I had to leave before the Righteous Sinner Singers (Lynton's band, that Lisa plays in) played. I feel threatened by people & dread them coming up to talk to me.
WEDNES. 31st OCT. (if there is a 31st of Oct. - I'm sorry, I can never remember that stuff) - records bought today : The Lyres "On Fyre" (duplicate copy), Johnny Thunders & Patti Paladin - "Copycats" (that one is a present for someone), Masters Apprentices - "Hands of Time". Records bought yesterday - Opal - "Early Recordings", Lyres - "Lyres Lyres". Records bought in Christchurch - Thee Headcoatees "Strychnine"/Thee Headcoats - "Branded" split single, some other garage rock type singles, some shit on Sub Rosa, some shit. Why don't I write reviews of any of them? oh 'cause they're all crap. I hate music!
THURS. 8th NOV. - You might say I'm a dreamer - but, I'm not the only one! (anyone else dreamed about me? come on punters, let me be in your dreamy dreams with you!)
SAT. 10th NOV. - apparently Let's-Just-Call-Her-X thinks I have done something so shameful that when she exposes me publically I will have to leave town & assume a new identity. Or even kill myself! It's probably true that I have, but I don't think it'd be anything that she'd know about. In fact I think I know what she thinks I did, & I think I know how she "found out" about it too, & I haven't done that.
(MIddle oF tHEnIght--) yeah here i yam in the middle of the night, yeah all alone high in my room in the stupid middle of the dumm night. Surely not! not not not surely on this SATDEE NIGHT where y'd suppose a young fellow my age - I'm 14 - normally ought be out doing stuff like swiggin' PISS & mainly, well not wishing to get all crude & offensive on yr ass but mainly o'course I'm talkin' about how the main thing is, well primarily on SATDEE NIGHT what y'd be is y'd be all on some get pussy ass COCK PENIS collecting fuck trip! right guys?
Oh man do you wanna know the serious truth tho' - ... nah you don't do you. I'm sitting alone on a Fri. no it's SAT. nite & hi on a deadly lethal dose (yeah true if I'd've took it all @1x but don't worry, I wasn't gonna, I'm not yellow I'm chicken). yeah it was nice in my cotton candy coffin & i rode up to Sig Hill with Maryann yay & Hamish (him & his friend Anton made us all dinner, it was choice) & Liz & a couple a their pals & we fired fireworks & so forth, excuse me right now tho because i have to go do sick chiz chiz. Yeah I'm not doing too good with mein kampf today am i, (sings) "I got no reason/ to quit". Truly tho' don't worry about me, my destiny is MANIFEST.
Yeah the Black Crowes + Maryann's tape deck suck, it was annoying.
Do you find it odd that I am not making any reference to current world events? I kind of do. Hey we're a long way away from it all out here tho'.
I did some more of my singles file...sorry that's all that's new. Don't go away tho'! Things'll pick up again! I guess!
The compulsion - 'cause it used to be a compulsion, it used to be COMPULSION #1 - to buy new records, to keep up with new music. I've been saying it's just kind of a phase I've been thru before & I'll get back into it some time but I decided recently, no it isn't, no I won't, time is up. I still buy new old records, 2nd hand, & I still like listening to pop on the radio - in fact I'm more into that at the moment than I have been for years, I like lots of the stuff on the radio but I know I'm never gonna buy any of it, it's there for a while & it's cool & then you forget it - hey the music industry's had its last dollar off of me! fuck 'em!
hey so what I'm wondering, is this indicative of a significant direction, am I , y'know, part of some kind of demographic shift, or am I just old?
I typed out a long question for ILE before & it took me ages because like I've told you before, I type very slowly. But I accidentally erased it before posting it. It was headed "We'll all be together in the sweet by & by" & it was about how modern people still derive comfort from ideas taken from religions they no longer even believe in...the consolations of religion without the responsibilities. I kind of gave up trying to say what I was trying to say because I was frustrated by my inability to express a simple idea concisely & I launched into this ridiculous florid rhetoric..."some time soon Arab extremists will slaughter us in in our soft beds of decadence" blah blah blah & then I looked at it & went Jeez what the f. I can't post that & so I started to rewrite it & I erased it.
Anyway it was kind of a metaphor for something else.
I got my vehicle running again! It was off the rd. for weeks 'cause I couldn't be bothered doing anything about it & I thought the alternator was rooted but it turned out all that it was was the points were dirty. Hey I could've done that myself! Anyway I've got to get to Chch to get on a aeroplane on Monday so now that I had the car going again it was time to go to Timaru, predictably I just pooted around for hours taking dope & going on the computators at Universe City & I only got to leave Dunedin just as the sun started to go down, but that was cool, it was a warm night with a full moon & I drove too fast & listened to music on the Walkman Di lent me, & here I am in Timaru, I'm on the run from the self-perpetuating horrible complications of my life, I'm going to the city to play rock'n'roll.
Listening to : Redd Kross "Phaseshifter" (I was too much "I like their early stuff" snob for this. Now I know it's great [now that I've sold my copy]), Wagner.
Reading : wrestling reviews, Dostoevski, the SCUM Manifesto. I think it (SCUM Manifesto) is actually quite insightful re: male psychology & it has inspired me to go ahead with my plan to kill myself.
I get to go on the computer all the time 'cause my sister isn't here. Just for today tho.
& tomorrow evening I am going to Chch.
I'm in a computer lab @ Canterbury Uni w/ George & Rico - it's like 5 in the a.m. - I rode up here on a bus, got here @ 7:30 & waited by the war memorial in the sq. for George. I waited half an hour thinking, Oh you know it's George, he's always late, so I waited half an hour before I even phoned him & found out he was under the impression that I was arriving at 8:30. Anyway he turned up after another half hour + later & brung me to Ricko's place & we watched "The Prisoner" & got hi. My friends are the greatest thing, I had been afraid of seeing anyone & having to talk to them & stuff but these guys...hey I'd forgot, talking to people is good. I can talk about all the stuff that is burdening me down...I feel bad about why I can't talk to my mother about this stuff tho, how come I can talk to these creeps but when my mother tried to talk to me about this stuff I would rudely ignore her. Mum's strategies include (mainly) trying to divert me from my gloom with trivial chatter - hey I don't *want* to be diverted from my gloom! & my fav. trivial chatter topics are obviously gonna be pretty diff't to those of a 74 year old lady. Obv. solution tho' (I know what to do next time I'm home [couple weeks]), we can talk about the world situation - my mum is quite left-wing & anti-USA & we'd find a lot more common ground for discussion if we actually talked about serious stuff. Man I have taken so many years to learn so little...Hey it's never too late!
There's so much I'm not telling you! & it's even less interesting than the stuff I am telling you!
About Space Dust not playing - yes it is a bummer that things went the way that they did. But we were pretty unprepared to do anything anyway. We were supposed to be playing with a lineup of the band that had not all played together ever before, with 1 day to practice before the 1st show. I heard that the Brother was REALLY PISSED OFF at us (me & Violet) for punking out on doing the thing, & yeah I know it's about time we crawled out of our hole & proved that the stories you hear (if anyone does even hear stories any more) are not true...but I'd rather do this when we're actually prepared. It'll happen.
I'm in Lyttelton, at Lisa & Sophy's house, in the sleepout/practice rm/computer rm down in the back yard...listening to the Dead Moon tribute album on the computer speakers, reading about the war, feeling helpless & fatalistic.
Today's question for the oracle - does one necessarily forfeit one's humanity by remaining (endeavouring to remain) intoxicated all the time? Maryann thinks YES.
But, she doesn't know everything!
"You've got to learn from other people's mistakes, 'cause you'll never live long enough to make them all yourself". It said that in an old MAD magazine, & I thought it was pretty sharp - but now I know I can't learn from a mistake unless I've sat on the sharp end of it myself. At the age of (like I'm always telling you) 38 I've made pretty much all of the mistakes available to a human to make, so what I've learned...well it'd be impressive if I was in a position to profit from it at all. But I'm not. The attrition on my mind, body, & environment...you can imagine...no you can't...anyway, A PYRRHIC VICTORY.
(When Lisa came home she told me they had played really badly & she is going to quit the band).
Also : you've got to have a dream, 'cause if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?
I was in one of Liz Kane's dreams! which I thought was pretty cool. In the dream I have written a book (about what? she does not tell) & have obviously paid for the inspiration for this work with my sanity. Don't worry! It won't happen! I'm not gonna write a book.
Anyway she has made various announcements about how she has totally cut me off & exorcised me from her life & how she hates me & how healthy & liberating it feels to accept this & blah blah blah. I don't hate her tho', I'm just sort of irritated by her meddlesome...clumsiness.
So do you think it is bad that I have writ about this here? I know lots of her friends read this. (hey say hi from me!). yeah I kind of feel like I'm doing something crappy discussing this in public, but y'know, reason I am is 'cause no doubt *she* will be.
Yeah OK but not me tho', & yeah what's up w/ that? losers like you SURE fine OK whatev., but *me*, y'know with the 2 gurlfrenz like i'm sure you've heard & not only that but the recent shy blushing emergence of some other aspects of my sexuality, 'cause I mean you've probably heard about...yeah all that too so you'd think i'd be pretty dam BIZZY WIT DAT BIZZ. well believe it to beaver that just ain't bin the case, lately I really just live like a monk!
Oh hang on there just a dang sec, WTF did I say like a monk? Jeez I mean like a MONKEY. friggin piggin masturbatizing hog-grippin wadflickin MONKEY!