Movie Fun

My friend, Chuck, and I like to go to the movies. We have about the same taste in films, so we usually both like to see the same thing. However, we are frugal. Instead of buying the popcorn and drinks that the sell in the movie theatres, we like to sneak food in. This act is not looked on as a good thing to do in the eyes of the theatre owners. So, we try to be discreet.

To save money, we go to the largest food store in the mall, which sells food at the lowest price possible. We go in and usually buy two 20 ounce sodas, and other minor treats. We have actually gotten two sodas, a box of Fig Newtons, a bag of M&M’s, and 5 packs of Tic Tac’s for less than $5. Talk about cheap!

Now comes the fun part. If we walked into the theatre with a bad that says, "Hal’s Sweet Shop," we would be done for. They would immediately ask us what was in the bag. They we would both be asked to hand over the candy, buy $50 worth of the movie food, and the be taken out into the street and shot. At least, that’s what we think will happen. Maybe not.

To elude this problem, we thought that we could just pick up another bag, put the candy bag into that one, and no one would be the wiser. The first time we tried this, we went to Foot Locker. We asked, "Could we have a bag, please?" "Are you going to make a purchase?" "No." "Then, what do you need the bag for?" We didn’t know what to say. Chuck just flat out told him, "We are trying to sneak food into the movie theatre." "Oh, in that case, we have these large bags." The clerk handed us a HUGE empty plastic bag. Then he handed us an empty shoe box. This was to make it look like we actually bought something, just in case we were searched.

Then next time we tried this, we decided that a paper bag would be better. You can’t see through a paper bag, unlike a plastic one. It is a lot harder than it looks to get a bag without buying anything, and not look like total idiots. Finally, we would the perfect store, Britches. The only problem is that Britches is so expensive, if we were asked to buy something, we couldn’t afford it! I mean, a pair of socks costs $10. A shirt costs $25, for crying out loud! We did get a bag without having to buy anything.

Now we have the bag. The next step is to make it look obvious that you are not trying to sneak in food, but not too obvious. To do this, you have to make sure that the bag you get has a recognizable logo on it. Secondly, you have to make the logo been seen by someone passing by. Thirdly, you have to act calm. If you are sweating and acting suspiciously, then you will be nailed. Lastly, you want to make it seem that you want to buy something from the theatre snack bar, but don’t, either because you don’t have enough money, or that you are watching your weight. What ever works for you is fine.

The last thing to be successful is to be aware of what will happen when you are sitting in the theatre. Don’t take the food out until the previews start and it becomes dark. Also, know what kind of sound that your food item will make. Notice that when we got our food, we did not get A) Pretzels, B) Pringles, C) Butterfingers, D) Kit-Kats, or anything else that will make noise when you eat them. Another thing is to make sure that you get a bottle soda, and not a can. If you get a can, when you open it, you get that annoying "CHRRR-PFWWISSSSS" sound. In a quiet theatre, that is not a good sound. With a bottle, you can open it outside the theatre, close it, open it again in the theatre, and it will be silent. If you follow these steps that Chuck and I have so carefully figured out, you can save yourself from getting caught, and be forced to do possibly nothing because of it.

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