Pennsylvania Trip

Once or twice a year, I get the privilege to visit my grandmother, aunt, uncle, and two cousins up in Pennsylvania. It is my dad’s mother and sister, her husband, and their kids. (Just a bit of genealogy for you.) This year I went up with my dad and my sister. That would be me, my father, and my father’s other child. (Just some more genealogy for you.)

Anyway, we started our drive up on Saturday afternoon. Now, from northern Virginia to central Pennsylvania, it is about a 5-hour trip. To pass the time, we decide to have a thought-stimulating conversation. It is not a good thing to try to provoke thought from a teenager during the summer. It just won’t work. The trip down the driveway took longer than the conversation. So, with nothing else to do, I read all of the billboards that we passed.

There is one sign in southern Pennsylvania that I have no idea what it is for. It could easily be for a hotel, motel, restaurant, retirement community, car dealership, or something in between. The sign said "Cozy Village", but it was written in the old cuneiform style of writing, which made the V look like a Y. I always liked the sign, and once I saw it, I would be saying, "Cozy Yillage," in a sing-song manner for the next three miles. There was another sign for the turn-off to the city of Tuckahoe. I could easily see some kid go out there in the middle of the night with a can of spray paint, and change the T to and F.

Speaking for town names, there is a city called East Berlin. I realize that most of the Pennsylvanians are German, my father’s family being an example, and that Berlin is part of Germany. But I also realize that there is already an East Berlin, in Germany. And even if there wasn’t, we are west of Germany and Berlin. So, what’s the deal?

Now, my relatives that we were visiting, please note the first paragraph if you have since forgotten, live in the mountains in a city called Berwick. It is a nice little town, with nice little shops, owned by nice little people, who have a nice little dinner at the nice little local Go-Go-Girls bar. When you first enter the city, there is a sign that reads: "First Bank of Berwick, next left." So, you take a left turn, and there is another sign that reads: "First Bank of Berwick." Seem perfectly normal, except that it is on a ATM machine. That’s it. One ATM machine.

The best part about the trip is eating. We always stop at the same McDonalds that is exactly at the mid-point of the trip. One thing that I have noticed about McDonalds is that they come in sizes. There are the large ones, that are in the middle of big cities. There are medium ones, that are conveniently placed at every exit on every highway. And there are small ones, that are put it about every three blocks. Another thing, is that everything is McDonalds is mass produced. Most people would say, "Duh!" but I’m talking about more than just the french fries boxes. Everything! The food is always one uniform size no matter where you go. The bathrooms are exactly the same in every McDonalds of the same size, even the stains on the floor. It is all the same.

Another bizarre thing that a noticed during our last visit was the family that was sitting at the table behind us. Actually, it was just a mother with her three kids. (I like this genealogy thing.) She had gotten three happy meals for her kids and something else for her. I think she would have wanted a beer, though. The strange thing is that before they ate, she said, "O.K. Now let’s say grace." I had never seen anyone say grace at a restaurant, let alone McDonalds. But then again, this was a single mother with three little brats with her. I think the prayer consisted something of "God save me," or something.

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