Carpool

Many of you may have heard of this. This occult has grown to immense size, stretching everywhere from Seniors and Freshmen, fiends and relatives, neighbors and classmates. Whereas Japan has bicycles, Alaska has dogsleds, Austria has hash bars and Minnesota has Mayor The Body, America has the carpool. It not only gives students the freedom and responsibility that they need, it also gives these youngsters the ultimate right: The right of rejection.

There is no better feeling in the world than yelling at someone with terrific volume, "No. You can’t get a ride! Stop it! You can’t come! I won’t let you! Stop it before you make a mess!" And then, in a distant second, "No, you have to ride the bus."

The driver of the carpool has the God-given right to choose whom gets to receive a ride home from school. There are rules, however. If any money/possessions/bodily-favors have been exchanged to be a permanent member of the carpool, then that person has priority over anyone who hasn’t. The more money/possessions/bodily-favors that are given, the higher the priority. Also, for anyone else not in the carpool, it is on a first-come, first-serve basis. It doesn’t matter how good of a friend you are with the second person, nor their physical dimensions, for you have already signed a verbal contract with the first person.

There are also rules for the driver. The driver must inform the rest of the carpool as to any changes in the schedule of leaving school. However, if there is a twenty-four hour notice as to changes going to be made, and a passenger cannot accommodate those changes, then the driver is not responsible for that said passenger. So don’t start bitching about that. It’s a rule.

Now, on to the most important part of the carpool. No, not hit-and-runs. Radio-usage. The passenger in shotgun has the right to control the radio, but the driver has the right to veto that station and request one more of his liking. The rest of the carpool can then vote, and if there is at least a 2/3 majority vote against the driver, then the rest of the carpool can go screw yourselves. This is my car, and if you don’t like it, TOUGH NUGGETS!

If you piss me off any more we are going to listen to ELP.

Live.

Now that I’ve got you all upset, let’s talk about the privileges of the carpool outside of transportation. If you are required to stay after for something, you have priority over the other people also staying. Even if they are bus-riders, and that’s there only way to get home because their first car was run-over by a runaway elephant and their second car is now in New Mexico because everyone in their family who can drive went to the funeral of the people who can’t. TOUGH NUGGETS, PAL! I’M IN A CARPOOL!

The needs of the many always outweigh the needs of the few. That’s how the Greater Good always works. And what is the Greater Good, you ask. Me. And my carpool.

After being in a carpool for more than a full semester, I feel that I have grown very close to the other people in the car. That’s most likely because of that time when we tried to fit 7 people into my Taurus, and I had some Sophomore sitting in my lap. But, hey. You get what you can take.

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