**UPDATE** March 13, 2003 (scroll to bottom of page)March 8 , 2003
MORDOR, Middle-earth—They done dead already, but that didn't stop Sam from taking out Ringwraith knees as the Caribou won the last game of their roadtrip 4-2. With their earlier 3-1 win over the Ithilien Rangers, the Caribou have a four-game win streak and are a perfect 4-0 on the road.
The 'Bou began the last leg of their road trip at the Madison Square Gondor where the "Mir" brothers were very nice to each other both on the ice and at the post game press conference.
"Eowyn said if we didn't behave she'd beat us senseless," said Faramir.
"We said 'okay,'" said Boromir. "She's scary."
Avenging the 7-3 debacle at their home arena, the 'Bou tightened up their defence, limiting the Rangers to 17 shots on goal.
"I'm so not complaining," said Gandalf who got an assist on the first 'Bou goal. Gandalf cleared the puck to a streaking Strider who flew in on the Ranger goalie and knocked it in topshelf.
The other two Caribou tallies were garbage goals, one bouncing off Merry's backside and the other jammed in by Gimli on the power play.
Ranger #3 scored for the Rangers.
Then, in what is turning out to be quite a rivalry, the Caribou took on and took out the Ringwraiths at the One Rink in Mordor, arguably the league's creepiest arena.
"The only thing the DJ ever plays is that screechy thing," said defence-elf Legolas. "And 'Who let the Dogs out?' which is even worse."
Tension was high after the first meeting between these teams ended in multiple penalties and a promise.
The game progressed rather uneventfully for the first period with Boromir scoring for the 'Bou and Ringwraiths #5 and #6 scoring for the Ringwraiths.
Merry and Pippin each netted a power play goal in the second period to put the 'Bou ahead.
It wasn't until Frodo scored the fourth 'Bou goal that things got chippy. The 'Bou forward made a diving play, slapping the puck past the sprawling Witch King of Angmar. The puck went into the net along with a sliding Frodo, who is subject to the same laws of physics as everyone else (except maybe Legolas.)
The fun started when the Witch King wouldn't let Frodo out. The Ringwraith goalie was assessed a delay-of-game penalty,but still held the Caribou forward captive inside the goal.
An infuriated Sam slipped past the other Ringwraiths and the on-ice officials and delivered the smackdown to the Witch King's knees. Sam's hockey stick immediately disintigrated.
The Ringwraith netminder was dragged off by his trainer for treatment, and Frodo was free to resume play.
Sam received a match penalty and the hit will be reviewed by the league.
"I made a promise, Mr. Frodo," said Sam after the game. "A promise. 'Take out his knees, Samwise Gamgee' and I meant to."
"I'm glad you're there, Sam," said Frodo before his usual after-game yoga.
The Witch King made a screechy noise at the post-game press conference.
The 'Bou ate honey nut Cheerios after the game.
Next up for the 'Bou is the arena dedication ceremony
featuring the world-famous Elfhead, and the Rohan Riders. Pippin has been
promised a ride on the zamboni. ELFHEAD!!!! In other news the world famous rock group Elfhead
has graciously agreed to play at the Dom Land Arena dedication ceremony.
The new name, "The Merry Go Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin
Plays A Banjo" will be officially unveiled in a pre-game ceremony
March 14. The Elfhead band members are taking time out from their
busy schedule promoting their new album Elfhead:
Sgt Leggy's Lonely Heart's Club Band. "Rosie's bringing the kids," said Sam. "The
whole family is excited! Especially Elanor. She thinks Haldir is cute." Elfhead gave the team an autographed CD. There was much
freaking out in the locker room when it was delivered. See the invitation here. See the reply here.
UPDATE!
"We've hired some extra security," said special events manager Bubbles. "Well, we've hired Gwaihir anyway."
Caribou officials expect a sell out...and then some. Head coach Elrond has denied rumors that he allowed the team to skip practice to attend rehearsals.
"It would look pretty lame if we had this huge ceremony and we lost" he said.
Elfhead guitarist Haldir who has faithfully attended all Caribou practices confirmed the team's attendance.
"Oh, I just love all that skating!" he gushed.
This will be the band's first live performance since releasing their new album Sgt. Leggy's Lonely Heart's Club Band. The ceremony will officially dedicate the Dom-Land arena and its new name, "The Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin Plays a Banjo." The massively long name was chosen...sort of, by a fan poll.
When asked if he had enough gas to perform an entire concert and then play hockey, Legolas laughed.
"Me?" he said. "I'm the original Energizer Elf! Besides, Bubbles makes us all take naps."
Pippin and Merry were so excited, they became incoherent.
"Beahhh!" said Merry.
"Geeeech!" said Pippin.
All rehearsals have been closed to the public. Apparantly the band is up to something.
March 13, 2003
DOM-LAND, Middle Earth (AP)--Everyone's all a-twitter down Dom-Land way. Elfhead arrived early Friday morning to prepare for their performance on Saturday at the Dom-Land Caribou arena dedication ceremony.
Frodo re-focuses after spending time in the Ringwraith goal.
This is what Sam did to the Rangers. We couldn't show what he did to the Ringwraiths.
~~~
This poll is closed
The
Dom-Land Caribou has recieved a fan suggestion for an exhibition game
against a non-Middle-earth opponent. When the votes are tallied, Caribou
Special Events Coordinator Bubbles will contact the team to arrange the
date. Bubbles cannot take any more suggestions for potential teams because,
contrary to popular belief, she does not know everything and cannot therefore
write about subjects on which she knows little or nothing for instance
WWF wrestling, line dancing or the molecular structure of bats. For those
interested in a OneSpoof No-Stars game, Bubbles will write that one separately.
Again, please vote freely but not more than 50 times. Thank you for supporting
the Dom-Land Caribou.
