Hogwarts' Professor Severus Snape gets into the act.
Snape finished the night with two goals and seven assists.

DOM-LAND, Middle-Earth—Considering how friendly this game was supposed to be, it is appalling how unfriendly it became. Although at this point, it's pretty irrelevant, the final score in this Clash of the Titans was 148-97 in favor of the Dom-Land Caribou. In retrospect, it's amazing it was that close.

"It wasn't fair!" insisted Hermione Granger, the top scorer for the wizarding world. "They're more used to skates than we are. This wasn't like quidditch at all!" Even with the alleged disadvantage, Granger potted a double hattrick and four assists. She also took advantage of any lapses of concentration on Legolas' part to smash headfirst into the 'Bou defence-elf/seeker.

"What is the big deal about quimby, or whatever that is?" said Legolas, who was still quite miffed about being repeatedly knocked over. "That little girl should be shot," he said.

The game started uneventfully with Ronald Weasley in goal for the Wizarding World. There was a slight delay as Weasley reportedly became...anxious before starting the match, but he recovered nicely from his bout of...butterflies.

He made 27 saves, allowing six goals in the first half of the first period before being relieved by Oliver Wood of Puddlemere United.

The most spectacular event of the evening had to be the goalie fight at centre ice. In the second period, Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore replaced Wood in goal when the Puddlemere keeper had to return to his club. Reports conflict as to exactly what precipiated the fight, but whatever words were exchanged had nothing on the punches.

"He started it," said Gandalf. The fight, which was somewhat remeniscent of Gandalf's battle with Saruman, lasted several minutes, and there was a 15-minute delay while the two goalies had to replace some of their equipment and get a few stitches.

"Seeing two men of such venerable stature able to battle so enthusiastically, gives one hope that becoming a senior citizen isn't all that bad," said Strider.

"Watch who you're calling old, buddy," said Gandalf who was still a little belligerent after the game.

In fact, practically everyone ended up fighting someone at some point during the evening as tensions were unusually high. Gimli broke the "don't hit minors" rule by slamming Draco Malfoy into the boards. When Malfoy's father Lucius threatened to file a lawsuit Legolas high sticked him, messing up his hair.

Sam also broke the "don't hit minors" rule when he and Ron Weasley, who returned as a forward, duked it out. Merry and Pippin took on Weasley's two brothers Fred and George, although not very enthusiastically. There was more laughter than violence in that fight. Strider fought Hogwarts professor Severus Snape since both their names started with the letter "s," sort of. Apparently there were a lot of "greasy hair" insults thrown around in that one.

Only Boromir and Sirius Black ended up sitting the fights out.

"What's the point?" said Boromir. "Dead guys fighting? I think I'll pass."

Even something as small as whose eyes were bigger and angstier had the power to start a donnybrook.

"Mine are," said Frodo.

"No they're not,"said Harry Potter, the Wizarding World's seeker. And the fists flew.

Although the Caribou had originally chosen Frodo as their seeker, the hobbit's past experience with small, valuable gold objects caused him to avoid the snitch at all costs.

"How dumb do you think I am?" said Frodo who was much more comfortable racking up four goals and three assists.

Legolas ended up as the Caribou seeker. In this game, the seeker had to catch the snitch by hand and then score with it using their hockey stick.

"Not very easy with these big gloves," said Legolas.

Even Potter seemed to have problems with his equipment, although he scored four times.

"Usually I just have to catch it," the seeker said. "The whole 'shoot it with the stick' just messed with my head. NOT TO MENTION THAT STUPID HOUSE ELF!!"

Indeed the strangest events of the evening involved a house elf who repeatedly wandered onto the ice, caught the snitch and handed it to Legolas. The house elf, who sources say was named Kreacher, was finally caught and duct-taped to the ceiling of the Wizarding World locker room. Passers by could still hear the house elf muttering, "pure blood! The purest blood...and the finest hair..."

"IT'S KREACHER'S FAULT!!" said Potter. "EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE STUPID WORLD IS KREACHER'S FAULT!!"

Hogwart's officials deny rumors that Potter had to be heavily sedated before boarding the bus back to Hogwarts.

At the end of the game, the two teams managed, somehow, to shake hands and a lot was forgiven at the post-game-non-keg party.

"I shared my Icee with the Potter boy," said Sam. "I think he liked that."

With that, the Dom-Land Caribou and their website are officially off-season. Bubbles apologizes for the late update this week. Next week there will be a new picture, but no story, sorry. Bubbles is taking a break (sort of) during the off-season so while there will be weekly updates, there won't be as many stories. You'll find out. Keep watching.

Hey, check out the Which Dom-Land Caribou Player are You? quiz created by our own Shmadyle!

Notes: Want to discuss the Caribou championship? The state of hockey in general? Legolas' hair? Now fans can get together and tawk amungst themselfs at the **Caribou Forum**. Big thanks to Ivy for setting it up and bigger apologies for not putting it on the site sooner!

Notes Ia: Bubbles sincerely apologizes for not replying to any emails you may have sent her, even the odd ones. She is...well, the truth is, she is utter crap when it comes to answering emails. She reads them all and chuckles quite a bit, but has incredible difficulty hitting that "reply" button. Please forgive her.

Notes II: Read about the aftermath of the Elfhead concert at the Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin Plays a Banjo here.

Notes III: View all the Dom-Land pictures and how they came to be here.

Notes IV: If you sent me something, see it here.

5) For more hockey terms and...stuff, click on Hockey Speak.

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