Pippin waits for a pass, or a mistake.

March 20, 2004

DOM-LAND, Middle Earth— Maybe it was the time apart. Maybe it was the home ice. Maybe it was the fact that the hobbit team has yet to score more than two goals...this season. Whatever the reason, the Dom-Land Caribou defeated the still unnamed hobbit team 15-0, invoking the mercy rule again.

"We did read the manual this time," insisted hobbit goalie Gaffer Gamgee. "Whole lot of nonsense, some of it."

The Gaffer apparently was referring to the "DO NOT DISMEMBER AND/OR EAT YOUR OPPONENTS AND/OR TEAMMATES" section. The MEHA firmly denies that these rules were aimed at any particular team or teams.

The hobbit contingent of the Caribou shone again, scoring 11 of the 15 goals. Pippin, on a carefully monitored regimen of Strawberry Icees lit the lamp five times, a team record. His excitement put him on the scary side of incoherent. Frodo and Merry scored three times and attempted unsuccessful "hobbit hattrick dances." Sam had six assists on the scoresheet, though no goals.

"It's hard, if you take my meaning," he said. "That's my Old Gaffer in there. Can't have the kids wondering if dad and grampa are arguing."

The entire Gamgee family watched from the stands, and in fact, the whole Shire showed up, "just in case they scored again," and stayed for the extended post-game party. Since the hobbit team had scored one of its two goals against the Caribou, the Shirefolk were hopeful.

"You never know," said head coach Bilbo at the ice-cream table, "we might knock another in, one day. By the way, 'Proudskates' is now in the lead for team name." (Thanks R.E. Catz for the name!)

The Shirefolk didn't let the lack of goals or lack of team name dampen their enthusiasm for food and drink.

The remaining four goals were scored by Aragorn and Gimli, although two were Hobbit team own goals. The Hobbits have the league record for own goals with 24.

Boromir couldn't bring himself to score on the hobbits.

"They're so...small," he said.

The highlight of the game in almost everyone's opinion was Gimli extricating Legolas' ankles from Lobelia Sackville-Baggins' death grip. Lobelia had been whistled for interference but was loath to begin her penalty.

"But he matches my spoons!" was her despairing cry as she was firmly escorted to the penalty box.

"She's like a pit bull," said Legolas later.

MEHA officials are trying to determine if there were any actual shots on goal for the Hobbits. Gandalf, who was in a much better humor after some much needed "alone time" wasn't interested in padding his stats.

"A win's a win," he said. "Have you tried the bagel pizzas? Absolutely splendid."

Next up for the 'Bou is a doubleheader against the Moria Orcs and the Rohan Riders.

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
quiz by Shmadyle

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