Eowyn on the offence as a twitchy Merry tries to clog the passing lane.

March 27, 2004

DOM-LAND, Middle Earth— It could've been ho-hum, but it wasn't as the Dom-Land Caribou tied both the Moria Orcs and the Rohan Riders at the Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin Plays a Banjo.

In the first game, the Caribou and the Moria Orcs scored one goal a piece in rather unusual circumstances. The Orcs were still recovering from a serious case of cave blight that had half the team on IVs in between periods.

"We hoped it might work to our advantage," said Aragorn who scored for the Caribou, "but the cave blight medication had some really strange side effects."

Indeed, what the Orcs lost in health, they made up for with stench. The smell was so strong that Legolas and the hobbits had a difficult time finishing their checks.

"Ew, I don't want to know what was in those IVs," said Legolas, who could only finish the game with the help of Vicks Vapo-Rub applied generously to his face to mask the smell. The 'Bou defence-elf emptied the whole jar.

The combination of Orc stench and Vicks Vapo-Rub caused even more problems for the 'Bou, as Merry began hallucinating. At one point he believed he was channeling Jim Morrison and clambered into the stands screaming, "I am the Lizard King!" while flinging off bits and pieces of his uniform and protective padding to the delight of several female fans nearby.

Security picked up the near-naked left winger, literally, and deposited him in the 'Bou locker room, where he was confined for the remainder of the evening, to the disappointment of aforementioned female fans.

"What a wiggler," said head of security, Gwaihir in a rare public appearence.

Boromir requested a copy of the video of the night's game.

"Of course I'm going to use it to get back at him for the stick-taping thing," he said. "I'm just waiting for the appropriate time to spring it on our Lizard King."

The Orcs took advantage of the ruckus and subsequent discombobulation to score the tying goal.

"Oh, bugger," said Gandalf who only faced 12 shots the entire game.

After the game, a HAZMAT team was called in to disinfect the arena, and both teams had to be hosed down with special antiseptic.

"It really stings," said Frodo still wrapped in his special antiseptic towel.

There was some concern that Merry would be unavailable for the next night's game against the Rohan Riders, but he seemed to have recovered from his episode, with an occasional twitch here and there.

This time it was the Riders hoping to take advantage of a struggling team, but the Caribou held strong, and the two teams skated to a 3-3 finish.

Eowyn got the party started with a wicked backhand shot that caught Gandalf looking the other way. But the 'Bou came back quickly on the power play with Hama in the box for tripping.

Gimli fed a beautiful breakout pass to Boromir who snapped the puck past Gamling who had only been installed at goaltender this season.

"Hrah!" said Gimli. "Dwarves have good hands!"

But the line of Bearded Rohan Women showed that they also had good hands taking the lead in the second period.

"The second rule of Bearded Rohan Women," said a bearded Rohan woman, "is you do not talk about Bearded Rohan Women."

"Yeek!" said Pippin.

Eowyn put the Riders ahead two goals, but the 'Bou came storming back in the third period. Sam and Frodo headed for the net and whacked away until they had each scored a goal.

"Just keep at it," said Sam, "that's what I tell myself."

Gandalf made 27 saves in the tie.

No one has exhibited any signs of cave blight.

Next up for the 'Bou is the Eldar who have yet to lose a game this season.

(Yes, the phrase 'cave blight' is from the Secret Diaries.)

Notes: Bubbles had some notes. She forgot what they were. If she remembers, they will be posted at the time of remembrance. Don't hold your breath.

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quiz by Shmadyle

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