Gimli clears the puck.

April 11, 2004

MORDOR, Middle Earth— There was drama this week on the Young and the Restless...or in the Dom-Land Caribou's case, the Short and the Shorthanded. The 'Bou squeaked out a 2-1 victory over the Ringwraiths amid lots and lots of noise.

"That Witchking sure knows how to throw a tantrum, doesn't he," said Boromir.

"I think he broke my brain," whimpered Legolas, whose highly sensitive elven ears had to be specially treated with virgin aloe vera cream and wrapped with Egyptian cotton gauze pads.

"Look, it's Princess Leia!" screamed Pippin who had been crying since the end of the game.

At the time of this update, the Witchking was reportedly still haranguing MEHA officials because of circumstances surrounding the game-winning goal, the game-tying goal, every penalty called, the innumerable uncalled penalties, last year's championship series and the head referee's hairstyle. The Witchking contends that the fumes from the seven layers of hairspray in the ref's hair hindered his ability to find the puck.

"You've got to be kidding me," said Gandalf. "Anyway, that guy doesn't wear a helmet, so the hairspray's all that's protecting his head."

Things had started so well for the Ringwraiths. The One Rink is always a tough barn to play, and the Caribou were coming off a hard loss. And they kept taking bad penalties. The 'Bou penalty killing squad faced 12 shorthanded situations.

The MEHA has apparently taken a strong stand against retaliatory actions...such as taking knees and other body parts.

"I'm sorry!" said Sam, who spent more time in the penalty box than on the ice, finally getting himself ejected in the third period. "But they were going after Mr. Frodo!"

The fiesty 'Bou right-wing became borderline homicidal when Wraith #7 picked Frodo up with his stick and flung him toward the Caribou bench. It took the referees, both linsemen, Gandalf and a helpful peanut vendor to pry Sam off the lumpy heap of black fabric that at one time had been Wraith #7. Sam was wrestled to the dressing room and Wraith #7 signed up for a full body transplant.

"You'd think they'd learn," said Boromir.

"What was the peanut vendor doing there anyway?" said Gandalf.

Merry quietly left the room.

The Wraiths, already up 1-0 from an earlier power play came out hard and fast.

"They were really mad," said Frodo, "and Sam was in the box."

It was the perfect moment for the former ringbearer to crumple under the pressure. Instead, the hobbit grabbed a mishandled puck and raced toward the Witchking as if there were five Nazgul chasing him.

"Well, there were," he said. Frodo, sliding and falling, managed to fake left and shoot north, tying the game.

"I owed it to Sam," he said.

The ensuing objections by the Ringwraiths were deafening, and Frodo dodged behind the linesmen until he could get safely back to the Caribou bench.

The game stayed tied until late in the third, when the Caribou took another bad penalty. This time Strider earned a two-minute time out for a retaliatory slash.

"He hit me first," the king of Gondor complained.

Then it got weird. The puck took an odd bounce and ended up on Merry's stick. The hobbit steamed through the neutral zone and managed a pass to Gimli who bounced the puck off the sprawling Witchking's shoulder.

The puck shot to the corner, bounced off the boards, off the Witchking's skate and into the net.

The dwarf's celebratory roar was drowned by the head Nazgul's screech of indignation.

Play stopped for a good 15 minutes while the Mordor team challenged the goal, and everything else in the game. The din made Pippin cry, and Legolas flee to the dressing room. The combined screeches of the Nazgul achieved the perfect pitch to shatter the plexi-glass. The clean up crew spent another 30 minutes replacing the glass.

Even without Sam, Pippin and Legolas, the 'Bou held on for the last two minutes to win.

And the screeching continues.

Next up for the 'Bou is a doubleheader against the Uruk-Hai and the Ithilien Rangers.

Notes: The NHL playoffs are here! The hobbits would like to say they are big fans of Martin St. Louis for obvious reasons. See image here. He's the one in the middle. Bubbles, however, will be missing Luc Robitaille and Sean Avery.

Thank you to the fans who sent me pictures. I'll put them up later this week in fanstuff!

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