Merry hustles to the puck.

April 26, 2004

DOM-LAND, Middle Earth— They may have doubled their entire goal output, but it was the mercy rule again at the Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin Plays a Banjo where the still unnamed Hobbit team lost to the Dom-Land Caribou 17-2. The Hobbit team, in addition to being nameless, has no home rink. They play all their games on the road, bringing the party with them.

Head coach Elrond was well aware of the Hobbit team's history of non-competitiveness and decided to put Aragorn on the Disabled List with what is called "a lower body injury."

"Um, everyone knows it's his shins," said Legolas. "Duh."

Bubbles' training staff had been working with Strider's shins all week to no avail. The King of Gondor still experienced stiffness and swelling in his legs and was glad to sit out one game. The risk of re-injury was increased due to the height of the opponents.

"The trainers don't want me to aggravate the injury," he said. "I hope to be back in the lineup soon."

Coach Elrond reportedly wanted to practise the perennial art of injury report deception favored by NHL teams in the post-season.

In fact, the whole game became an exercise in trying new things. With the Son of Arathorn out of the lineup, and an incredibly distractable opponent, Elrond tinkered with his lines. The crowd at the MGRRTWAPPAB, witnessed Boromir's switched to defence for the first time, Gimli and Legolas as centres and Gandalf taking shots on goal.

"Skating backward that much is hard," said Boromir who had to sit on a special ice-pack cushion. "I might as well have spent the whole night scooting around on my butt."

The Hobbit team took advantage of the son of Denethor's limited backward skating abilities. Not to create scoring chances, but to trip him.

"Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!" said Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.
"I liked it better when she was all over Legolas," said Boromir.

"Hey!" said Legolas.

"Ah well," said Gandalf over a post-game glass of sherry. "You know what they say about simple pleasures."

"Yeah, but it's my butt," said Boromir.

Considering he saw limited action in his end, Gandalf might be excused for launching pucks over everyone's head at the Gaffer, resulting in numerous icing calls. Unfortunately the Grey Pilgrim failed to score on any of his attempts.

Gimli, however, took advantage of becoming a forward to score at will. The dwarf racked up five goals on a line with Merry and Pippin. He assisted on Pippin's hattrick and Merry's two goals and ended the evening with 10 points. Many of the goals were scored with members of the Hobbit team in the box for tripping Boromir.

"HRAHHHHHH!" said the son of Gloin, repeatedly.

"He can really dish!" said an excited Merry.

"Geeeeeeeee!" said Pippin whose Icee rations may be re-evaluated to accomodate Kool-Aid rations.

The Frodo-Sam-Legolas line fared well, with Frodo and Legolas scoring twice and Sam once. Sam, it seems, has an aversion firing shots on his father.

"That's my old Gaffer," he explained. "It wouldn't be right to try and hit him with pucks and all."In fact, the goal attribited to Sam bounced off his leg. The last two Caribou goals were own-goals by the Hobbit team.

"Oh, we're used to those," said head coach Bilbo Baggins. "By the way, 'Puckville-Bagginses' is the current leader in our name poll."

Own-goals may be old hat, but two real goals in the third period were a small miracle. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins somehow managed to steer the puck into the offensive zone and poke it past Gandalf.

"I was actually thinking about trying to shoot the puck again," the wizard admitted.

The entire arena erupted. Even Caribou fans couldn't help but rejoice for the practically non-scoring Hobbits. The noise got even louder when an errant puck bounced off of Everard Proudfoot and into the net. The elderly hobbit responded with a gruesome little smile.

"I might just retire," he joked.

The party continues.

Next up for the 'Bou are the Fighting Uruk-Hai.

Lashings of apologies for the lateness of this update. To make up for it, here's another Merry Pippin picture. I learned how to do this from The One Wank to Rule them All.

Thank you nessa_t for getting 2,700+ hits to the Dom-Land in one day!

Notes: We have more new Fanstuff !

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
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