Arwen races to the puck.

May 23, 2004

LOTHLORIEN, Middle Earth— It was close but no cigar as the Dom-Land Caribou lost again to the Eldar 3-2. The all-elf team continued their dominance of the league, notching their 20th-straight victory. No one, not even the MEHA champions, has been able to figure out the unexpectedly talented expansion team.

"[censored]" said Legolas. The 'Bou defence-elf, usually a media darling, appeared only briefly at the post-game press conference before stalking back to the team bus.

"Thppppppttttt," he said.

The Caribou nearly missed the game entirely due to the misplacement of the game schedule. Pippin had folded it into a decorative coaster. The fact that nobody remembered this week's opponent didn't help, but the fact that head coach Elrond slipped out of the bus for destinations unknown should have been a Buick-sized clue.

"He's been watching The Shawshank Redemption again," said Aragorn nursing his two black eyes. The 'Bou centre was frequently mauled by his brothers-in-law whose protective nature regarding their sister verges on homicidal.

Arwen took advantage of her spouse's incapacity to score twice.

"Yay!" She said. "Sorry, Pumpkin. Yay!"

"It's okay, honey bunny," said her husband.

"'Honey bunny?'" said Boromir and Merry before quickly leaving the room to laugh themselves sick.

"Honey Bunny" and dazzled the Lorien crowd with quick skating and crisp passing. Her brothers dazzled Aragorn with two sucker punches to the face.The King of Gondor and Arnor seemed a bit annoyed that his coach had not "called off the dogs" since the last family get-together.

"We're married now, hello?" said Aragorn.

Elladan and Elrohir were unavailable for comment.

Although the Queen of Gondor and Arnor's two first period goals dug a deep hole for the Caribou, the MEHA champs scratched and clawed their way back in the second. With the twins in the penalty box for tag-teaming Aragorn again, Frodo rifled a pass to Legolas who rocketed the puck past Galadriel. The post-goal staredown was intense.

"That boy needs to learn some manners," said the Lady of Light.

Fortunately, Legolas was engulfed by three happy hobbits and a somewhat conflicted dwarf before things got ugly.

"Ach," said Gimli who was uncomfortably caught between blondes. "Don't make me choose."

The Caribou scored again, late in the second when Boromir jumped on the rebound of another Legolas shot.

The game remained tied until late in the third period when Eldar super-sniper Figwit slipped past the 'Bou defence and flipped the puck over Gandalf's shoulder. The Grey Wizard's frustration was nothing compared with the mini hissy fit thrown by the Prince of Mirkwood.

"I think Mr. Legolas really wanted to beat Mr. Haldir tonight," said Sam.

"He may have beat me on the stat sheet," said Haldir smugly, "but we beat him on the scoreboard."

Next up for the 'Bou are the Rohan Riders. The league has still not decided whether it will lift the suspension on Eowyn. The waffling continues.

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quiz by Shmadyle

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