Lurtz poses for a photo shoot.

July 17, 2004

DOM-LAND, Middle Earth— If the Dom-Land Caribou are to rule the league for the second straight year, this was probably not the way they planned to do it. The MEHA Champions dropped the opening game of the playoffs to the Fighting Uruk-Hai 3-1.

"At least there wasn't any stuffed toy homicide," said Legolas.

Both teams were warned beforehand to keep the bloodshed as minimal as possible, and for the most part, they did. Boromir and Uruk-Hai captain, Lurtz, who share a less than cordial history, shared a fierce staredown before the puck dropped, but otherwise refrained from mutual assault.

"I really hate that guy," said Boromir.

As per usual in the playoffs, everyone brought a little extra jump to their game. Some due to excitement and anticipation, and Merry and Pippin due to an unanticipated Icee machine avalanche.

"Yippee!" said Pippin.

"Hammer time!" said Merry, who then did a little dance. Due to the Icee overdose, neither hobbit seemed too upset by the loss.

"We'll get them next time," said Pippin between bounces.

The Uruk-Hai scored early in the first, quieting the sold-out Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where A Penguin Plays the Banjo. Saruman's team celebrated by pounding their chests and grunting really loudly.

Their second goal came in the second period on the power play with Aragorn in the penalty box for tripping. Lurtz somehow flung Frodo into Gandalf, allowing a teammate to flip the puck over the fallen wizard.

"Goalie interference!" cried Sam. The officials determined the flinging was a result of Lurtz's forward momentum and couldn't be helped.

The...disatisfaction at that call spurred the Caribou to fight back in the third with a pretty shorthanded tally that woke the crowd back up.

"You can't touch this!" said Merry, who then did another little dance. The 'Bou were back in it.

But, although the 'Bou played smart and tough and kept out of the penalty box, the Uruk-Hai stormed back just as hard. In the waning minute of the game, the Caribou pulled Gandalf for an extra skater, and the Uruk-Hai scored an empty netter.

"Bugger," said Gandalf.

Head coach Elrond said the 'Bou would do better next time.

"Break it down!" said Merry.

In other news, the Eldar continued their obscene winning streak by defeating the Ithilien Rangers 4-2.

Sorry this update is late. To make up for it, here's a great squirrel poem.

Playoff Primer

1) Each round is a seven-game series. Basically, two teams play each other until one team wins four games. That team wins the series.

2) There are no ties. If a match is tied at the end of three periods, the teams will play 20-minute overtimes until one of them wins or they both drop dead. In the case of dropping dead, all members of both teams have to be completely dead. The game will then be temporarily postponed.

3) The teams who have qualified for this year's playoffs are:
The Dom-Land Caribou
The Fighting Uruk-Hai
The Ithilien Rangers
The Eldar
Whoever wins the Caribou/Uruk-Hai series will go on to play the winner of the Rangers/Eldar series for The Precious.

4) Although there are traditions of throwing things onto the ice in the NHL during the playoffs, (i.e. the octopus in Detroit) the MEHA has strictly forbidden the throwing of cephalopods. This measure was taken to prevent the injury and/or death of anyone trying to capture The Watcher in the Water.

NOTES: For some reason, it's been rather difficult for Bubbles to update on Fridays, so from now on, DL updates will take place on Saturdays, Bubbles' Standard Time, which is Sunday for most of the rest of the world. Sorry about that.

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
quiz by Shmadyle

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