Aragorn is a little leery of the Uruk-Hai Thigh Appreciation Society.

August 1, 2004

ISENGARD, Middle Earth—They were a little apprehensive about the crowd, but the Dom-Land Caribou prevailed, defeating the Fighting Uruk-Hai 2-1 amidst the enthusiastic, and somewhat disconcerting, cheers for the Uruks.

The "Uruk-Hai Thigh Appreciation Society" (UHTAS) was out in force, cheering madly for every face-off*. Apparently, "Uruk-Booty" has risen quite high in the puckbunny market.

"I don't want to know," said Legolas, covering his ears. "No, I so do not want to know."

"Ew," said Pippin.

Squeamishness aside, the Caribou skated hard against the Uruks, especially Sam who continued his stellar play.

"We finally got him to stop chanting 'play hard and stay focused' on the bus ride over," said Merry. "Had to feed him toffee. Lots and lots of toffee."

Sam nodded happily. Unfortunately, his teeth were stuck together as a side effect of all the toffee. Fortunately, the sticky candy acted as a mouth guard when an Uruk smacked him in the face with his shin guard.

"Mmmffrrrrr hhhmmmfffrrr," said Sam who didn't sustain any injuries. Frodo, in a reversal of roles, smacked the offending Uruk-Hai with his stick as he made his way to the penalty box, thereby making it a four-on-four. Neither team scored.

"He's got a temper these days, that Frodo," said Gandalf, who made 28 saves in the win. "Never quite know when it will show up though."

The lively support from the crowd seemed to mellow, or at least distract the normally homicidal Uruk-Hai, who weren't used to dealing with groupies and weren't sure how to handle it.

"They were looking at my bum," said Lurtz in between growls. "Grar?"

The Caribou took advantage of the slightly discombobulated Isengard team, scoring twice at even strength. Gimli beat two defenders and knocked the puck in stick side on Uruk goalie Gskshkghrsk who wasn't as upset about it as the card-carrying UHTAS member seated behind the goal. The unnamed fan called the Caribou defence-dwarf something so unprintable even Gskshkghrsk blushed.

"Well, those fans can get quite attatched," said Gimli who didn't take too much offence to the insult. "You should see some of Legolas' fan mail." Apparently, the more outrageous ones get pinned to the wall in the Caribou locker room.

Sgrkkhrhsk tied the game on the power play when Boromir took an unfortunate boarding penalty in the second period.

"He just fell headfirst into the boards," insisted the Captain of Gondor. "I wasn't anywhere near him, I swear!"

But Aragorn put the 'Bou ahead for good in the third period, off a quick feed from Legolas at the blue line.

"That elf's got great hands," said Aragorn. "Shut up, Merry," he added as the hobbit started to giggle.

The Caribou lead the series 2-1.

In other news, the Ithilien Rangers floundered again without their Captain Faramir, losing to the insanely powerful Eldar 4-0. The Eldar have the chance to sweep the series next week.

*Okay, another term that will hopefully end up in HockeySpeak someday. The two players taking the face-off are usually bent double, giving anyone interested a nice view of their...protective padding.

Special request: I read a really funny poem about Lurtz's thighs somewhere on the internet, but I can't remember where. Do you know? If you do, please email me at sotto-voce@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Playoff Primer

1) Each round is a seven-game series. Basically, two teams play each other until one team wins four games. That team wins the series.

2) There are no ties. If a match is tied at the end of three periods, the teams will play 20-minute overtimes until one of them wins or they both drop dead. In the case of dropping dead, all members of both teams have to be completely dead. The game will then be temporarily postponed.

3) The teams who have qualified for this year's playoffs are:
The Dom-Land Caribou
The Fighting Uruk-Hai
The Ithilien Rangers
The Eldar
Whoever wins the Caribou/Uruk-Hai series will go on to play the winner of the Rangers/Eldar series for The Precious.

4) Although there are traditions of throwing things onto the ice in the NHL during the playoffs, (i.e. the octopus in Detroit) the MEHA has strictly forbidden the throwing of cephalopods. This measure was taken to prevent the injury and/or death of anyone trying to capture The Watcher in the Water.

NOTES: For some reason, it's been rather difficult for Bubbles to update on Fridays, so from now on, DL updates will take place on Saturdays, Bubbles' Standard Time, which is Sunday for most of the rest of the world. Sorry about that.

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
quiz by Shmadyle

Dom-Land Caribou Forum

Caribou Buttons and LiveJournal icons

~~~

~~~
Home About Roster Stats Gallery Archives Fans Terms Links