Figwit races in, while Boromir gets distracted.

September 6, 2004

DOM-LAND, Middle Earth—With a more congenial crowd, the Dom-Land Caribou were hoping for a better outing against the unnaturally successful Eldar. However, an injury to Gandalf might have well ended the current MEHA champion's hope for a comeback. The Caribou lost 3-2.

Things started swimmingly for the 'Bou. They had high hopes, returning to their home rink with a mixture of enthusiasm and relief.

"Elves are mean," said Pippin.

"Yeah," said Legolas.

Caribou fans, incensed at their team's treatment in Lorien, gave the All-Elf team a frosty welcome, complete with jeers, catcalls and bizarre propositions. One 'Bou supporter held up a sign reading "We don't need no Jedi brain[censored]!"

When asked about the "return favor" by the Dom-Land crowd, Haldir simply rolled his eyes.

With the entire building on their side, the Caribou came out swinging. They dominated play in the first period, outshooting the Elves 13-8, but Galadriel kept her team in it by stopping the 'Bou cold.

"She's like a wall, she is," said Merry. "A big, pissy wall."

Indeed the Lady of Light made some spectacular saves.

"I was in the zone," she said.

Her teammates repaid her fine play by scoring early in the second. Figwit, always a silent threat, snuck past the Caribou defence and flicked the puck past Gandalf's left ear.

"Bollocks," said Gimli. Figwit just smiled.

"Don't you talk?" said Legolas a bit testily.

Figwit nodded.

The Caribou, determined to put on a good show, stormed back and finally blasted one past Galadriel. Legolas made a beautiful pass to Aragorn who faked stick side and shot five hole,* earning him a withering look from his grandmother-in-law. His celebration was, understandably, subdued.

"No comment," he said after the game.

Sam sent the Caribou ahead with another goal early in the third. Galadriel broke her goalie stick whacking one of her goalposts and gouged a hole in the ice by kicking it. There was a 25-minute delay while the Eldar captain replaced her equipement and simmered down, and the facilities crew fixed the ice.

"She was right mad," said Sam. "It's a scary thing."

The delay seemed to sap the momentum from the 'Bou, and the Eldar took advantage. Arwen got revenge on her spouse by tying the game.

"Yay!" she said.

"That was my stick!" said Glorfindel.

"No one cares!" said Legolas.

But the real drama occurred midway through the third period. A highly determined Elrohir charged Gandalf. The Caribou, in an effort to protect their goalkeeper, charged Elrohir. The rest of the Eldar in an effort to protect Elrohir charged the Caribou. When the dogpile was finally sorted out, the Grey Pilgrim emerged with a severly twisted left knee.

"Ow," he said.

The Dom-Land training staff had to help him to the locker room where team doctors diagnosed a partially torn ACL.

"That's 'anterior cruciate ligament,'" supplied Gimli, the team expert on anatomy. "Might need surgery."

"Can't you just wizard it back together?" wailed Frodo.

"No," said Gandalf.

Gandalf, who had been standing in for Elrond as Caribou coach, ordered the team to finish the game.

"His exact words were, 'get the [censored] out there and kill those [censored] elves!'" said Boromir.

So the Caribou bravely took the ice and actually played pretty well for about five minutes. They played desperate hockey, and for a moment, it seemed as if they could actually function without a goalie. But Haldir broke Caribou fans' hearts by launching the puck into the sadly empty goal.

The Grey Wizard is highly doubtful for the next game. If they need to, the Caribou will put Gimli in net (his name starts with "G"), and switch Boromir to defence.

The Eldar may just become the first team to go through an entire season unbeaten.

"We are perfect," said the Lady of Light. "We're elves."

The series continues next week in Dom-Land. The current MEHA champions are in danger of not only losing their title but being swept.

*FIVE HOLE: The space between a goalie's legs. I'm not kidding. It has a name. This will eventually end up in Hockeyspeak.

Sorry this one was really late. Family circumstances again. To make up for it, read the story about the hockey streaker. Here are the funny non-Caribou hockey pictures. One Two Three Four

For some added fun, figure out what the hell "Bubbles Standard Time" is. Go here, and find "Honolulu." They're the same.

**Note: Due to family circumstances the Dom-Land Caribou updates will be a little...wonky. They may be early or more likely late, but probably no later than Mondays, Bubbles Standard Time. Also, Bubbles will probably not be able to respond to email unless you have a specific question or correction. Sorry about that.

Hey, Caribou fans. Thanks for voting in the poll. Thanks to the 100% "yes" vote, there will be one more season of Dom-Land Caribou. Whee!

***It has come to our attention that some people have been listing the Dom-Land Caribou as their own personal websites. We would appreciate it if you didn't. Thank you.***

Playoff Primer

1) Each round is a seven-game series. Basically, two teams play each other until one team wins four games. That team wins the series.

2) There are no ties. If a match is tied at the end of three periods, the teams will play 20-minute overtimes until one of them wins or they both drop dead. In the case of dropping dead, all members of both teams have to be completely dead. The game will then be temporarily postponed.

3) The teams who have qualified for this year's playoffs are:
The Dom-Land Caribou
The Fighting Uruk-Hai
The Ithilien Rangers
The Eldar
Whoever wins the Caribou/Uruk-Hai series will go on to play the winner of the Rangers/Eldar series for The Precious.

4) Although there are traditions of throwing things onto the ice in the NHL during the playoffs, (i.e. the octopus in Detroit) the MEHA has strictly forbidden the throwing of cephalopods. This measure was taken to prevent the injury and/or death of anyone trying to capture The Watcher in the Water.

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
quiz by Shmadyle

Dom-Land Caribou Forum

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