Sept. 19...I'm having trouble updating this week, so here's a story about a shooting puppy, and story about a hockey dog.

Galadriel defends her net.

September 12, 2004

DOM-LAND, Middle Earth—It's all over except for the protesting. In what turned out to be a quite an odd evening, the Dom-Land Caribou fell to the Eldar in a heartbreaking 1-0 loss. Caribou fans were stunned into silence at the Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin Plays the Banjo as the Eldar swept the defending MEHA champions to earn their first MEHA Championship trophy, AKA The Precious.

"Gahhh," was all Legolas would say as he headed for the showers to drown his sorrows. Despite what must have been utter humiliation, the Caribou defence-elf bravely faced each of the opponent elves in the traditional post-game handshake.

To their credit, the Eldar didn't celebrate excessively or gloat unduly. Figwit simply smiled a lot.

The game started out somewhat slowly. One would think that with their spotless record on the line, and The Precious within their grasp, the Eldar would come out flying. However, the all-elf team seemed almost sluggish and a bit lackadaisical.

"I think we thought we'd already won," said Haldir. "We sure played like it. I think we treated them as if they couldn't compete."

It would be a fair assumption, considering the Caribou were without a coach and one player short due to Gandalf's knee injury. Head Coach Elrond elected to spend the entire game in the parking lot. Gimli started for the first time in net, partly due to his name beginning with the letter "G" and partly due to the fact that he has a hard time scoring on Galadriel.

"Er, for the record, I don't have a pinup of her in my locker," he said.

"Anymore," added Merry.

But the Caribou didn't think they were finished just yet. In a stupendous effort, the Caribou launched themselves at the Eldar, scrapping for pucks and charging hard. Boromir, now on defence, and Legolas were determined to keep the puck away from their interim and inexperienced goalie as much as possible.

"The leg pads are almost as big as he is," said Boromir.

"Ach," said Gimli who amazingly made 14 saves. "But I liked having the big stick."

The Caribou dominated play through the first two periods, outshooting the Eldar 9-3. They came out blazing in the second period, peppering Galadriel with 14 shots. But as had been the case in this series, as hard as the Caribou played, the Lady of Light played harder. Galadriel made a whopping 37 saves in the shutout.

"She's all bendy," said Pippin who had to be consoled with multiple strawberry Icees and a large cookie. All the hobbits and, strangely, Aragorn needed quite a bit of sugar to make it through the post-game press conference.

"I have to live with Arwen," he said. "Sugar helps. Sugar gives me hope."

"Yay!" said Arwen, who hadn't really been listening to the conversation.

Since the only member of the Eldar to be taking anything seriously was Galadriel, it is quite fitting that she turned the tide in favor of her team, but not exactly in a hockey way. With Caribou players clogging up her crease and offensive charge after offensive charge, the Lady of the Golden Wood delivered a mean slash to her grandson-in-law and was called for a penalty. Aragorn limped off to the bench, but after a quick breather joined the power play. However, before the power play could start, Galadriel contested the penalty, loudly. She was then told if she didn't stop arguing, she would be charged an additional delay-of-game penalty. With no score on the board, the Eldar captain had no choice but comply.

However, she didn't simmer down. With the Caribou launching shot after shot in her direction, and her team letting them, the Lady of Light hit her breaking point.

"She went all 'Galadriel,'" said Frodo who has had his own personal "Galadriel" experiences. "My therapist says I'm not ready to talk about that publicly," he said.

"Yeah," said Merry. "She went all blue and stuff." The hobbit then proceeded to do an imitation of Galadriel's outburst. Gandalf thought it was a bit funny, but Gimli took slight offence. Galadriel had not yet arrived at the conference and did not, therefore, witness the performance.

Indeed, the Lady of Lorien threw one of the more spectacular hissy fits outside of women's tennis. The Caribou, on-ice officials and several members of the Eldar fled. A minor riot ensued when audience members became jammed in the emergency exits. A minor fistfight ensued when certain audience members tried to get better seats on the way back into the arena.

"Tell me those weren't the Sackville-Bagginses," said a slightly embarrassed Frodo.

"No," said Boromir. "That would be my dad."

In all, 14 people needed medical attention for minor injuries, including Faramir who got conked on the head by his father, and Pippin who tripped over Gandalf as he ran from the bench.

"They almost forgot me," said Gandalf who was in a wheelchair due to last week's injury, but remained on the bench to coach in Elrond's place. Aragorn had the presence of mind to drag the Grey Wizard to safety. The speed at which he hauled around, however, made Gandalf wince quite a bit. Caribou doctors have yet to determine whether Gandalf's injury will require surgery. The Caribou may have to look into a backup goalie.

"We didn't forget you, Mr. Gandalf," said Sam. "But we were mighty frightened when Lady Galadriel made a power outage."

The Caribou will file a formal protest of this match, citing Galadriel's use of supernatural abilities to deliberately intimidate her opponents.

"Look," said Boromir, "no one else in the league can transform themselves into Mega-Smurf of Doom."

"It's not my fault you're boring," said Galadriel who arrived in high spirits due to the win and the champagne.

The Eldar will celebrate all the way back to Lothlorien, while the Caribou can only file their protest paperwork and wonder what went wrong.

But even if the 'Bou lose their protest, Sam had words of encouragement for distraught Caribou fans.

"Just wait 'til next year."

With the season pretty much wrapped up, check back next week for an exhibition game poll.

**Note: Due to family circumstances the Dom-Land Caribou updates will be a little...wonky. They may be early or more likely late, but probably no later than Mondays, Bubbles Standard Time. Also, Bubbles will probably not be able to respond to email unless you have a specific question or correction. Sorry about that.

Hey, Caribou fans. Thanks for voting in the poll. Thanks to the 100% "yes" vote, there will be one more season of Dom-Land Caribou. Whee!

***It has come to our attention that some people have been listing the Dom-Land Caribou as their own personal websites. We would appreciate it if you didn't. Thank you.***

Playoff Primer

1) Each round is a seven-game series. Basically, two teams play each other until one team wins four games. That team wins the series.

2) There are no ties. If a match is tied at the end of three periods, the teams will play 20-minute overtimes until one of them wins or they both drop dead. In the case of dropping dead, all members of both teams have to be completely dead. The game will then be temporarily postponed.

3) The teams who have qualified for this year's playoffs are:
The Dom-Land Caribou
The Fighting Uruk-Hai
The Ithilien Rangers
The Eldar
Whoever wins the Caribou/Uruk-Hai series will go on to play the winner of the Rangers/Eldar series for The Precious.

4) Although there are traditions of throwing things onto the ice in the NHL during the playoffs, (i.e. the octopus in Detroit) the MEHA has strictly forbidden the throwing of cephalopods. This measure was taken to prevent the injury and/or death of anyone trying to capture The Watcher in the Water.

What Player from the Dom-Land Caribou Are You?
quiz by Shmadyle

Dom-Land Caribou Forum

Caribou Buttons and LiveJournal icons

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