March 29, 2005

ANOTHER PART OF MORDOR, Middle-Earth— After frustration heaped upon frustration, the Dom-Land Caribou bounced back with a 3-2 win over the newly formed Mighty Orcs.

"I love expansion teams," said Legolas. "Most of them anyway." The defence-elf seemed quite pleased to be teamed with Gimli who is quite pleased to be out of goalie gear.

"I don't like the waddling," said the dwarf.

The Mighty Orcs, who replaced the Cave-Blighted Moria Orcs, are still adjusting to non-lethal combat. A somewhat harried looking spokesperson for the team said the roster has been very unstable due to injuries occurring during practice. With so much carnage, the team has brought in several physicians to attend all practices, games and bus rides. The Orc spokesperson adamantly denied, however, the rumor of numerous beheadings.

"One," he said. "There was only one, and it was an accident."

The 'Bou played with an empty net as Gollum isn't quite in game shape yet.

"We don't want to bring him in prematurely," said head coach Elrond. "We're still trying to get the sedative cocktail just right."

Gollum has yet to practice with the team.

The Caribou, playing tight defence and disciplined offence took advantage of every Orc mistake. Frodo scored twice for the 'Bou. The former ringbearer spent a good while sulking after the decision to add Gollum to the team. is adamant that the Caribou can do just fine without a backup goalie, or at least not Gollum.

"We're fine," he said. "I'm fine. The team's fine. Everything is just fine."

Frodo's teammates expressed similar sentiments.

"I think this win shows we're not totally out of it," said Aragorn who scored the third goal for the 'Bou.

"There's going to be so much drama," said Boromir.

The Caribou's overall reluctance to embrace their new goalie doesn't seem to concern Gandalf who is still limping around with the aid of crutches.

"What's one more fruitloop in the box?" he said. "They'll get used to it."

MEHA regulation 258, "any and all hazing rituals that may result in death and/or permanent physical and/or psychological damage are strictly forbidden and will result in severe disciplinary action against the entire team," has been pasted in a prominent place in the Caribou locker room to deter any more physical and psychological damage to Gollum. The MEHA will neither confirm nor deny that Regulation 258 was drafted with the Mighty Orcs in mind, but the rule suddenly seems more appropriate for the Caribou.

"We may have to have a 'team bonding' excursion," said Elrond. "Perhaps we can go camping."

The team has yet to publicly respond to this suggestion.

Next up for the 'Bou is a business trip to Rohan and perhaps a side trip to a camp before heading back to the Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin Plays a Banjo.

Notes: Due to the severe depletion of players because of Cave Blight, the Moria Orcs have been reorganized into the Mighty Orcs. The Mighty Orcs include orcs of every variety. Yay.

Notes II: Sorry about the delays. We should be getting back on track from this week.