April 6, 2005

ROHAN, Middle-Earth— Who knew the threat of a team bonding experience would inspire the Dom-Land Caribou? Without a goalie, the 'Bou tied the feisty Rohan Riders 4-4.

"Anything to avoid 'trust falls,'" said Boromir. "I hate those." Apparently, the Captain of Gondor smashed Merry the last time the team held "trust building exercises."

Due to strenuous objections by his players, Caribou head coach Elrond reluctantly agreed to cancel team bonding day if the Caribou won or tied the Riders.

The Riders were lead by their mysterious line of Bearded Rohan Women who scored three of the four Rider goals. None of the BRW were available for comment after the game. Rumor has it they have a separate training facility that doubles as a soap manufacturing plant.

"They're like a cult," whispered Pippin with big eyes. He and Merry then made the universal cult-be-gone hand gesture.

Frodo continued his stellar play for the 'Bou, scoring two goals including the game-tying tally.

"We're fine," he said. "We're totally fine."

In fact, Frodo was so fired up, he got into a minor dust up with Eomer after hitting him repeatedly in the shins.

"It's a little hard to ignore," said Eomer with ice packs on his shins. The Third Marshall of the Mark ended up smacking Frodo into the boards to give both of them some time off. Eomer managed well enough to score the fourth goal for the Riders.

Frodo returned to the ice after getting a cut on his forehead stitched up.

"Hobbits are hardcore!" he said. Even Sam was a little taken aback by Frodo's aggression.

"Well, Mr. Frodo's a little wound up," said Sam.

Legolas, who scored the other 'Bou goals, didn't seem bothered.

"It's good that he's so intense," he said. "Hockey is intense, but we're hoping he decompresses by the time we have to get on the bus."

One of the more interesting moments of the night, however, wasn't a nifty goal or fancy move. It was the fierce stare down between Eowyn and Aragorn. The story goes that Eowyn said something unflattering to the King of Gondor and Arnor. Aragorn gave her the death look. The White Lady gave it back.

"Anyone, anytime," she said after the game. "Bring it."

"We were ready to rumbuuuuul!" said Merry.

But it was not to be. While some Aragorn and Eowyn exchanged some mean slashes with their hockey sticks, linesmen hauled the two apart before the gloves could drop.

"Darn," said Merry.

"You were rooting for her," said Aragorn.

"Well," said Merry shifting around, "yeah. But she gives me tea and cookies."

"You're the world's cheapest date," said Boromir.

"Shut up," said Merry who sulked for the rest of the conference.

The 'Bou return to the Merry-Go-Round...Rink...Thing Where a Penguin Plays a Banjo and unload their new goalie on Caribou fans.

"We can't wait," said Legolas unenthusiastically.

Notes: Due to the severe depletion of players because of Cave Blight, the Moria Orcs have been reorganized into the Mighty Orcs. The Mighty Orcs include orcs of every variety. Yay.